Monday, September 20, 2021

Sept 20, 2021

 So the best thing that's happened is that I got to see the girl I was baby sitting.

When she saw me she said "HEY TAB TAB"

and my heart melted.

she wanted to sit with me and let me hold her and she played with me.

I'm trying to get myself on a house work schedule so I dont lose my mind but it's monday and I'm not even on it yet and it's noon.

I am slowly trying to put together my fall wardrobe but it's just my usual tanks and button ups and jeans and boots. I have a tan skirt that i might wear with tights and boots if i can get some new tights. And another problem is my boots are so worn out I dont know if I wanna wear them. lol

Friday, September 10, 2021

fall gifs


Friday Sept 10, 2021

 So much has happened this week, I cant even begin to talk about it. And a lot of it i WONT be talking about because its private business.

The happy note of the week is that yesterday, September 9 was mine and my husband's wedding anniversary.


We celebrated with delicious pizza and watching the newest episode of Marvel's "What If...?" show

we thought about going out to eat somewhere nice, but i think we both decided that after everything that's happened this week we should just keep things normal this year.

on top of the events of this week, our anniversary was the day of my pawpaw's funeral last year. so that is also a negative note.

This week is basically cursed. And last week two as far as that goes. Cursed from August 28 until sometime next week basically. lol CURSED I TELL YOU.

one of the few things I can talk about is how I wont be baby sitting anymore and its... kind of devastating.

I dont know what i'm going to do with my time or my days, i dont know how i will stay sane. I've just been sleeping this week since we havent baby sat at all and wont be from now on.

I can still see the little girl, she is the daughter of a friend. but i won't get to be an actual part of her life anymore. and its really... its really upsetting. I had grown so attached to her... the funny things she does, the way she says "tab tab" or the adorable way she loves this one little stuffed animal we have here, it's a monkey. and she goes "MONKEY" and we ask her wheres monkey and she gets distraught and all looking for it like oh no where is he and its so precious. She puts monkey to "nite nite" when its bed time and its just... all these little things she does has filled my heart up with so much love and now i dont know what i'm gonna do without her being here most of the week.

I haven't let myself have an actual good cry over it. I've cried but not a real ugly good mind clearing cry.

My plan is to wait a week or two and visit her and take her the monkey stuffed animal and surprise her with it and visit her.

Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Tuesday August 31, 2021

 So this is a particularly hard time of year for me, and my family.

August 28  was the death anniversary of my nana's passing (four years ago now)

And then Sept 5th, will be one year since pawpaw died last year.

And this week we are doing quite a bit. I am going to try to make myself think of these things as a DISTRACTION from the bad feels and rather not.... a burden to bear on top of them.

On friday we are meeting old friends in town for dinner. And saturday is football game day-- so obviously there will be a cookout.

My husband and I will move our grocery shopping to Sunday morning because doing it on saturday morning would be horrible given all the people who will be buying stuff for their own saturday football cookouts.

And then the little girl we baby sit will be coming sunday afternoon.

But all I can seem to focus on is death and my grandparents being gone.

I'm sleeping a lot, crying, I'm either eating too much or not enough--- the usual I guess.

As of today I have been logging my calories for 100 days in a row!!!!! Whether I over ate or under ate ... I logged my calories for 100 days straight.

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

I posted this yesterday on FB but here you go

 Let me tell y'all what happened yesterday.

So I was supposed to have a telehealth psych visit at 10am.
So I log in and sit there.
I wait.
At 10:35 I leave and call the office. She tells me he's running behind and to go wait longer.
So I go log in again and wait.
And wait.
And wait.
At 11:30 I call back.
Get told to wait some more.
it took me calling like four times. Getting put on hold a few times. To finally find out that.... Oh... My psych decided to not do telehealth anymore.
And I wasn't informed
They actually confirmed my visit on Friday. And even sent me the usual text to join the telehealth site. Like nothing had changed.
So I finally get a hold of a worker who had some kind of sense and she set me up with a nurse practitioner for telehealth today who... May or may not be able to write all my prescriptions because I take controlled substances (for anxiety and insomnia) and some practitioners can't legally prescribe those but I guess ill find out today.

On top of this I have therapy on telehealth an hour before the nurse. So I'll be on my phone for two hours today.

This is the second time in the last month that the place I go to for mental health has fucked up. And I'm having PTSD flash backs from the times in the past where the place I went before kept screwing me over and I had no other options for my treatment so I had to keep putting up with it.

Can you imagine sitting on your phone waiting for a doctor for three hours only to end up calling the office three or four times to finally find out your doctor won't see you unless you drive 1.5 hours for a 10 min visit just to get your medicine and then go home. Because that what I'm expected to do now. Unless the practitioner can help me.

And if I don't get my med script on time I'll run out of medication. So there's that too.

And please don't tell me to try another doctor office. We literally looked everywhere in Tuscaloosa county and there is no where. That why we resorted to Birmingham in the first place.

Saturday, August 14, 2021

SAT AUGUST 14, 2021

 my husband and I have the house to ourselves for a full whole weekend 

its the first time in ages we've been alone for the weekend

its very nice

the little one we babysit comes on Monday-- that's why we have a weekend, and my parents aren't coming because they're on vacation.

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Thursday August 5, 2021 -- HAPPY AUGUST


I have been sick for almost a week. I went monday and got tested for Covid--- negative 

then i went to the doctor because I knew I was sick but didn't know with what or how bad it might be. I just had/have a very bad sinus infection. They prescribed me a ridiculously strong antibiotic and gave me a steroid shot.

and about three ... well, four week ago now, I fell and hurt my arm. I thought it would get better on its own, but I eventually went to the doctor and found out I have fractured my arm. 

I have never fractured or broken anything in my entire life, so i guess you can say I hit a milestone in life. lol

The fracture is a non-displaced one, and had started healing by the time I went to the doctor (I waited three weeks because I was so convinced it was nothing) 

if i had went sooner i'd have been in an arm sling for a while but they told me that by three weeks out i didn't need one unless it was hurting particularly bad. So I didn't purchase one. waste of money at that point, in my opinion.

Anyway, So just yesterday my husband had oral surgery and it turned out to be a bigger deal than we ever thought it would be. We are in a wait and see what happens situation with his recovery. But he made it through and is ok, worried but he is ok all in all, i think I've done my best to try and take care of him. I've cooked him meals and brought him what he needed until he decided he didn't need me so much lol


I let him have the bed to himself for the first night and I will again tonight. I mean, sometimes its just nice to be able to roll all around on the bed for a night or two and not worry about disturbing someone you're sleeping next to. And we have spare beds right now.

And at the same time as this, we have been baby sitting the little girl we watch for two days straight-- her father had some doctor stuff and they needed us to keep her.

She has been good, very goofy. She is learning more words and small phrases. I think the cutest thing she says right now is.. when she drops something from her highchair is says "uh oh i drop" and i can't not smile. it is so adorable

This month there are a LOT of birthdays. My friend Alaina, Martin, Mom, my brother, my friend John, and my late pawpaw just to name a few. There are many more. it seems like there are a ton of birthday in August and April. 

I've been watching Downton Abbey (finally) and I am ADDICTED to it.

I watch it and make jewelry (nothing complicated, because I want to be able to pay attention)

I'm still playing Animal Crossing, but I haven't played Stardew Valley in a few weeks.

I'm still dieting. I've lost 28 pounds. 


I've been logging my calories in an app called "Lose It" for... what is it, 73 days now? I have to keep doing it because I've challenged myself to do it to at least 100 days straight. even if i have a "bad" day and eat too much. Still keeping track is important.

I finished a journal tuesday night. I started it in January. It was a very cute one... the cover was little watercolor images of cacti and succulents in cute little pots.

my new one is just plain hot pink.

I've started doing journal prompts. usually of the therapeutic or soul searching kind. like "what give you joy" and "what should you let go of?"

Also writing in some nice inspiration or amusing quotes, Using some stickers. might do some doodles in there.

Journaling is good for me. therapeutic and helps me remember things--- just like my planner and this blog. 

I also need projects like this blog and my planner and such to keep myself going. There are times I have so little to do or look foreward to. It gets me in bad feelings a lot.

The next big things are... my wedding anniversary in Sept, and then we will go to visit my husband's mother and his family in November.

I'm sure there's more but off the top of my head I can't think of anything else.

my my, i think this might be one of my longer blog posts in a while!!!

Friday, July 16, 2021

it's been another hot minute

 so.... I had about two weeks off from baby sitting.


with nothing to do I had to squirrel around and find stuff to do... I started coloring and made some jewelry. did a lot of gaming.

basically I need that little munchkin as much as it makes me anxious.

so when she came back... oooooooh my

she is taller! and knows more words and sentences. she is more friendly.

she's been a delight this week

I did take a day off to see if i could get myself together-- I slept a whole day. I think it helped because after that I seem ok.

I am excited about the little one. she is growing and learning. she is so adorable. I would post pictures but she isn't my kid and it's not my right to. her nickname is Sky. so when i talk about Sky that's who... the little one.

Sunday, June 27, 2021

it's been a hot minute

 i haven't posted in a long time

we haven't been baby sitting so its just been kinda drab here lately.

my mom had to put her dog to sleep because she was old and sick and miserable. it was just time. i know it hurt her so much so do it, it hurt dad too. but she's not hurting anymore. they buried her out here on our land

my husband and i both have doctors appointments on friday.

mine is for blood work to check for anemia and my potassium and 

i'm kind of at a loss for what so say so i guess i'll just end this post now

Sunday, June 6, 2021



it's been a while and i've been kind of down but i'm feeling better. the big new is i've started a diet plan and i really think its working for me, i've lost some weight. but the best thing is i physically feel better. which is the most important part. because i felt so ..... i can't even explain it, its a mixture of mental health and physical health... but now i have a meal plan i am sticking to and its great. i meal prep and everything.

the little one i baby sit has definitely hit her "terrible twos" because today was just..... wow. hahaha. that's all i can say. just wow.

we are just keep on keepin' on, i guess.

i have an appointment with my therapist on tuesday and i see the hematologist later this month to check my iron levels

i need to call and schedule my appointment with the psych because i think they forgot to make one for me, i'm not sure, its been complicated since we use teleheath stuff now

Monday, May 24, 2021

Monday may 24, 2021

 SOOOO now my parents have left until friday.

and life can continue as usual.

Only today the little one we babysit isnt coming, which makes me sad.

This week I will be... attempting to start a new diet plan. I have grown disgusted with my body and I am determined to do something about it.

My dad has finally finished building the new back porch and it looks amazing! They will bring a patio table and we will have a nice place to chill outside soon.

We are still working very hard to teach the little one words and phrases, its been hard. she is very stubborn

so today i am going to rest and tomorrow I will hopefully get to baby sit.

Thursday, May 20, 2021

May 20, 2021

 So this week is, and has, been a hell week for me.

For reasons I will not discuss.

I am doing my best.

I finished rewatching Game of Thrones and I apparently restarted it again because now I am... watching it again. 

the little girl we baby sit has found new words to say, such as "happy" and "party" and 'bite"

it's a slow go with this one but we are doing the best we can. we aren't miracle workers and we aren't the childs parents. We just do the best we can.

Tonight my husband cut his hair off to donate to make wigs for cancer patients. Its one of the most special things he does. He has really REALLY good hair.

We've been having technical problems with Paypal lately and its gotten to where I am fed up with them but i also dont know what else to do? this is how i get paid for babysitting. they've just been really sluggish with transactions lately or something. and it makes me more mad than it should, i know.

I recently caught my cat perched on the pillow at the head of the bed. I haven't been getting good photos of her lately. but here she is,

she's a princess, theres no doubt. lol

Friday, May 7, 2021

may 7, 2021


I have the house to myself for most of tonight, so I plan to do somethings I previously haven't been able to do. for example-- watch my friend play Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask on Twitch!!! She and her husband stream zelda games on fridays and i have been missing out because we always have friday pizza night and my parents coming in from out of town.

but this time my parents have other plans and my husband is meeting his father for dinner (very excited about this, he hasn't seen his dad in a very long time and I know he means the world to him. I hope he will get some kind of pep in his step after seeing his dad for the first time in so long)

The little one I baby sit is adorable and just.... hilarious. absolutely the biggest comedian. and she knows she's being funny, too! she isn't even 2 yet and her personality is so huge, I can't wait to see her over the next year or two.

I have been rewatching the show Game of Thrones.  I do not think I will watch the last season, though. 

My wildflower seeds have sprouted in abundance and I bought a spray bottle to mist and water them because they are so fragile and i dont have a watering can... so we just use a pitcher to water and it just completely knocks the little sprouts over. and i dont like that so i will mist them a whole bunch until the soil is moist enough for them to have been watered. lol

my parents bought me two succulent plants for my birthday, and my mom gave me one of my nana's pots that she had collected. so i put one succulent in that pot and the other in another pot... they are doing ok. haven't grown much or anything but they're hanging in there.

I bought a water globe that you stick in the soil for the peace lily that we have kept alive from Nana's funeral a few years ago. It was struggling and I really dont want it to die. I dont know how I would handle it. I'm still in the anger phase of mourning... I know I should move on but... they say everyone mourns in their own way and time,

my mother's dog is about 14 years old and has been coughing so they took her to the vet and she has a heart murmur. so she is on medication now, which is getting complicated because she's a smart dog and we are having trouble sneaking it in her food. i guess if worse comes to worst we can put it in her mouth and hold her mouth closed until she swallows it... hate doing that. really hate it. but sometimes you have to.

the garbage cart wheel fell off on wednesday so its stuck at the end of the driveways by the road.. i have been taking the trash out, putting it in my cars trunk, driving down there and putting the bags of trash in the can. i dunno what else to do. my mother gave me the waste management company number but we need our account number to tell them who we are and i dont have a recent bill to even know the account number. i might have to get my mother to dig it up somehow. because the cart has to be fixed, somehow. or replaced.

with the mask mandate dropped, along with the COVID-19 vaccine being available, i am not sure if my insurance will continue to cover the telehealth appointments i've had with my therapist and psychiatrist.

i hope they do. i dont see why they wouldnt. it just doesn't make any sense to me. insurance companies can be so stupid sometimes.

ok i think i've rambled enough for now.

Friday, April 30, 2021

April 30, 2021

 I haven't updated in a long time. The internet was out for almost TWO WEEKS. can you imagine??? thank god we have and endless supply for DVDs to watch. We got out all the kid safe ones for the little one because she loves her tv shows

The little one I babysit is getting into her "Terrible Twos" and she is increasingly more frustrating but also more adorable. She likes me more now than she had for the past half a year or so. She hugs and kisses me and sits with me and we watch movies and i feed her snacks and i introduced her to coloring yesterday!!!

She is still trying to figure out what hand she wants to use, but she seems to use both equally right now. So maybe she will be a true ambidextrious person... though i know when they send kids to school they try to force kids to be right handed. which is very sad, imo

Right now my husband and I are looking at possible living arrangement changes. I would talk more about it but i need to make sure he's ok with me talking about it.

My dad has been building a new back porch for months and he's finally almost in the last stage-- the roof.

I just got my second Pfizer vaccination shot for COVID-19 yesterday so I'm feeling a bit down.

I actually dont have much time right now, but I plan to update more now that we have internet back.

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

April 13, 2021

 I have today off from watching the little one so I thought I'd update. 

I have gotten the first round of the vaccine for covid-19. I will get the second in a week.

After that, we plan to visit my husband's mother. which will be very nice and exciting. It will be nice to get away and I love seeing her.

my mother's dog is close to passing away, and its hard on her. a big decision to make, to put a dog down.

Friday, April 2, 2021

April 2, 2021


it's my birthday month  

My husband got his second dose of the covid-19 vaccine.

I'm signed up to get my first shot on april 9th.

my husband is off work today and its nice to have it quiet and just us. we did our pizza friday at lunch and watched falcon and the winter soldier.

Tomorrow we are going on our usual grocery shopping trip. We might swing by another store to see if I can find some shorts that I like that fit well, since i've gained so much weight.

the little one we baby sit is starting to eat scrambled eggs and pb&j sandwiches on the regular, but what she loves the most is fruit. so we are going to buy little cups of mandarin oranges and mixed fruit for her to eat along with whatever else was are trying to get her to eat.

there are still some possible changes coming but its just... not high priority, what with all that's going on.

our pizza friday was DELICIOUSSSS

but on some real talk--- We had some trouble with my paypal card not being accepted at gas stations--- even if i paid inside.... and i had just used it in a store five minutes before..... so... we had a crazy day of me driving home not sure if i would have enough gas to make it because my card got denied at three gas stations, but worked everywhere else??? yeah.... its very strange and made me go ballistic... but my husband has been great through all of this, he is a wonderful man. we are just gonna figure out another way to get my car gassed up. 

I love my husband and his mom... AHH HIS MOM

she sent me the most amazing surprise birthday package so i have so much cool high end make up because she subscribed to Ipsy and just saved it and sent it to me... AHHHH so i got like four at once when i got her package. plus other stuff she sent. it was so overwhelming i felt so loved. 

Saturday, March 27, 2021

March 27, 2021

 So this week has been up and down, there was a huge tornado out break that was absolutely devastating.

so that interrupted our babysitting schedule.

we are talking about doing something for easter for the little one we babysit

my husband gets his second shot of the vaccine on thursday 

i planned on updating more but i have developed quite the headache just now.

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Tuesday March 16, 2021

 We have made some headway with the little one we babysit! we have gotten her to eat more foods this past day or two. it feels like a HUGE victory. we are very relieved. putting her to bed hungry makes us feel very bad, but when she wouldn't eat what else could we do? we did make sure she got all the milk she wanted at least.

Neither me nor the person helping me watch her have had children so we are just doing what we hear or are told to do. We have most recently employed the use of a high chair. And have been able to get the little one to eat Chicken flavored rice, and mac and cheese. We need to find some meat so she gets protein. That will be the next goal. She is very hard to convince to try new food so it's been difficult. She also doesn't like getting her hands dirty and is not good enough to use her little plastic forks and spoons yet-- she can use the fork sometimes on ravioli or some such things. but the spoon is another thing entirely. she doesn't understand that it will spill. She also doesn't really understand that stuff can fall off the fork. We are doing our best.

So the spring severe weather season is upon us-- and tomorrow might be the first tornado out break of the year. It's looking very promising. I love storm-- I hate that people get hurt in them, but I love meteorology.

So I have been fangirling over a few things-- Marvel Movies--- specifically anything with Wanda (scarlet witch) also Bridgerton (there is a second season in the works!)

Bridgerton has me reading stuff like Pride and Prejudice.

anyway we are preparing for tomorrow and i am catching up on some chores, since the little one is being watched by someone else today and tonight. ( sometimes we get a day off, which is much needed, haha)

Hmmm... we have had some unwanted people in our field out here by the house and we are trying to get in under control, we have asked for advice from a very wise person and i hope we can put it to good use. These people are dumping rubbish and garbage and hanging out in our field and we need to get them to stop. We suspect they live near by and might be doing other illegal things, so maybe we can get something done about it.

That's all for now.

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Wednesday March 10, 2021

 So this week has not gone as planned. The girl we baby sit has been sick and they have kept us on our tiptoes about whether or not she is coming. THIS WHOLE WEEK. So Everyday I think she is and then they tell us last minute she isn't. which is a huge anxiety attack trigger for me... last minute changes and stuff.

and then theres... the whole.. part that for someone with anxiety it's kind of like....... living hell. 

And what's worse is yes, I'm basically getting a week off-- but for someone with anxiety, i'm mentally(if not physically) prepping for her all day if i think she's coming. and then...poof -- no kid. 

so a week off that i can't even full appreciate. THAT is frustrating. LIKE REALLY FRUSTRATING.

if i knew she wouldnt be here i could have actually relaxed

so yeah i'm updating my blog to bitch about something. I'm sorry.


I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow--- Telehealth. online therapy.

And my next appointment is with the Hematologist on the 25th to check my blood and basically get the go ahead for the iron infusions

i have borrowed one of my dad's tablets to read Ebooks on and i am in love. i used it for the same thing before and i'm reading some of the same stuff. I discovered Anna Katherine Green. She wrote murder mystery crime stuff way back in the day and her books are free on project gutenberg.

I'm also reading other books that I read as a child "The little princess" "the secret garden" "alice in wonderland/through the looking glass"

And I've download a lot of Jane Austen books.. I'm making my way through Pride and Prejudice, but I keep getting either bored or distracted... I am having an easier time reading A Little Princess (it was a favorite of mine because my Nana pushed it on me so much-- we rented the movie of it over and over again, and she always told me I was a princess. so it's a huge nostalgia bomb for me)


Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Tuesday March 2, 2021

 So we are just moving along basically, i'm baby sitting and gaming and everything is mostly ok.

My husband has seen how down i am lately and has made a huge effort to help out with house work and i am so very thankful. I dont deserve him, i really dont. he has been just amazing this week and here lately and i am reminded how very lucky i am.

the little girl i baby sit is going through a phase of... not wanting to eat things, only eating one thing. and it's so frustrating! If it wasn't for my sister in law helping me i dont know what i'd do

February seemed to fly by, the weather is up and down. it was 80 something the other day and now its in the 50s again. typical alabama weather i guess.

i'm cooking dinner and i need to go so, that's all for now.

Friday, February 19, 2021

feb 16, 2021

 So, it seems as if something might be wrong with where they removed my teeth. We are waiting to see if it heals up any better, the pain is pretty bad.

We had SNOWWWWWWW. We got snowed in! The girl I baby sit had to stay here two nights in a row. I wish she had proper clothes and shoes so she could've played in the snow but she didnt, we weren't prepared for it. I didn't expect it. I went to bed thinking we'd get some sleet freezing rain frozen into ice.... I woke up and there was an inch or so of snow on the ground. so we had winter, basically. that's it. probably wont get anything else this year but atleast we had something. haha

this pic is of the back porch we are taking down but saving the wood, so thats why it looks that way

i'm trying to get in the groove of baby sitting during the week and resting on the weekends but we haven't been able to get much rest on the weekends due to circumstances and it's causing some mental and emotional wear and tear, if you know what i mean

thankfully i think this weekend will be more easy.

I'm slacking on my 2021 reading challenge goal already. SAD FACE
I might try to finish my book this afternoon, there isn't much left.

I'm still playing Stardew Valley, and they finally updated it on the Nintendo Switch so that is something to do in the empty spaces of my time. 

Tuesday, February 9, 2021

February 9, 2021

 SOOOOOO.... tomorrow I FINALLY get my teeth cut out. after all the waiting and rescheduling twice.

After that we are going to have to look at options for me when it comes to ...implants or what not.

I have been playing Stardew Valley a lot. Still rewatching Bridgerton.

This past weekend my husband and I took a weekend to our selves and stayed in a hotel to get away from everything. It was lovely. We went to Olive Garden and it was divine. It was so very nice to get away from the world, just me and him. and no responsibilities. no chores. no house work. for a day or two. it was amazing.

I'm still baby sitting, i'm basically an Auntie. I love this little girl and if anything happens to her I will lose my mind. lol

Friday, January 29, 2021

Jan 29, 2021

 Not much new has happened... more baby sitting.

Oh, we had to reschedule my oral surgery AGAIN. but this time it was the surgeon that needed to reschedule.

I've been rewatching Bridgerton over and over and playing Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing.

But mostly just baby sitting. It's exhausting here lately.

My husband is wonderful and I love him. I just wanted to throw that out there lol

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Jan 19, 2021


I've been baby sitting again, and well.... it's great!

We called the dentist and got an appointment with the oral surgeon and then had to reschedule so I wont be getting my teeth worked on until Feb 2. This is after already having to wait almost three weeks from calling to make the first appointment. YEAH, it's been kind of crappy.

I've started a new save file in Stardew Valley. it's really relaxing, and there's some new content from updates.... though i dont think the very last update has rolled out for the switch yet. but the last one before that has.

Some of my ebay orders from the end of november are FINALLY rolling in, haha. The over seas shipping and christmas back up really got them slowed down.

There's something special that might happen and i can't talk about it, but if it does i will let everyone know. but until then my lips are sealed on anything and everything involving it.