Bipolar Type I - Generalized Anxiety Disorder w/ Panic attacks & OCD - PTSD - Chronic Eating Disorder (since 2005, it comes and goes)

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

July 18, 2020 - Staycation

So due to Covid19 and other unforeseen things we have decided to take a vacation to... a hotel 30 mins from my house. haha
It's going to be cheaper because we wont be using gas to travel so far, so that should be a good thing, I think
Today is the first full day in the room and I am trying to relax.
I had been having a lot of trouble relaxing at home, I cant fully explain why. It just seemed like no matter what I did, no matter how much rest or sleep I got.... it wasn't enough.
So my husband is being a wonderful man and letting me stay in a hotel in town while he works during the week so it's not exactly a vacation for him, save for he doesn't have to drive 30 home and 30 mins to work every day. and we get privacy and a nice big king sized bed and can turn the AC as low as we want. haha

I hope he enjoys this, or I will feel bad for being so selfish and needing and wanting to do it.

here's some photos from the first night, hotel and food etc

our room



we had mexican for dinner

this is the inside of my delicious grilled chicken quesadilla with added mushrooms and onions. and a dollop of sour cream there at the top.

I hope to post again while we are on "vacation" I've got a lot of time in the hotelroom to relax. I'm probably going to take a nice long bath at some point. I just wish I brought a bath bomb or something haha

Saturday, July 25, 2020

July 25, 2020 - Saturday

I haven't update because 1. I've been kind of depressed and 2. we've been baby sitting almost constantly.

but other than that my husband and I have been enjoying watching shows together and other such things that we do.

However, to get away from the house.... in lack of the ability to really take a vacation this year (thank you COViD-19) we are getting a hotel room in town for three night just to get away from the house for a few days. Start on monday of next week. So maybe I will have updates then. Hotels are fun and anonymous and nobody can bother you and you dont have to worry about anything and it just feels so good.

Here lately everything is baby this and baby that... the baby is literally all there is. We are the only baby sitter they have and we are being run ragged by this. But we love the little girl so much its hard to get upset, she is so precious. It's like.... AHHHHHH GRRRRR AHHHH. I have no idea what parents feel about this but it's gotta be even worse so its definitely good I am not a parent. I couldn't handle it at all. God bless the parents you are so strong.

So as for my depression, I am trying to half my ambien at night (which is ok, its on a CR so i can half if without messing up its release into my system) so I'm not so sleepy the next do, so maybe I can take my ativan for anxiety without falling asleep during the day. I'm walking a weird line between under medication and over medicated. I can't find the right place. I need relief on my sleep and I need relief with my anxiety but I dont need next day drowsyness because it messes with my anxiety medication a lot. so we have to figure out a way to work it out.
And the depression, right, so... i might have to call my psychiatrist and tell him I need a medication adjustment but I have no idea what he might adjust. and adjustments bother me because if he a new medication I have to wade through new side effects and i HATE THAT. HATE HATE HATE.
So I am just hoping I can manage the sleep and anxiety and it will somehow help the depression so I dont have to call the doctor about the depression because I dont see him for like two month unless something pops up.

So Anyways I am making packing lists and stuff for our "staycation" and its all fun and stuff, I am going to try and and enjoy this as much as a real vacation.

Thursday, July 2, 2020

July 2, 2020 - Thursday

So today started like any other day and will probably end like any other day.
spoiler alert.

hahaha

anyways

since the last update I have.... Had to cancel an appointment for bloodwork because I felt sick. (post op infection or pain idk) need to reschedule sometime soon.

My husband and I have started a new show on Netflix that we are very into so we have netflix dinner dates when he gets off work, which is nice 💕

I'm still seeing my therapist via video chat, because our insurance keeps extending their coverage of that sort of thing due to covid-19. So I haven't had to drive myself to therapy yet and i kind of sort of want to just to see if i can do it. I love driving and I think I can do it, I wanna make everybody go "whoa she did it!"

We had a potential problem with the pharmacy that ended up being perfectly fine (as far as I know, I should probably call)

We have been baby sitting this past week and it was so much fun. 

I'm still playing AnimalCrossing everyday, that's not gonna change for a while.

Today I had one of the first random "hi i like that you support mental health awareness" chats i've ever had. so shout out to that person, they know who they are! ❤