Some photos from the trip. Alabama Christmas 2022

This is my cousin (sister) who I can talk to about anything. ANYTHING. she is my person. Ride or die. Cradle to grave. ❤️

This photo is so very precious to me. This is my and Sky, the little girl I baby sat last year. I hadn't seen her in a year. She barely remembered me but she has such a big heart I was no stranger to her at all. I helped her eat her lunch at the restaurant and we talked about stuff. She asked me questions and I answered her. And she'd repeat it back to show she got it right and it was so cute. This photo was taken in the living room of our friends house (their newest baby sitting on the floor playing) I was showing sky the books my MIL bought for her (because she knew how much sky meant to me) and I showed sky the books and she...

 She has caught up so well with her learning. She was telling ME what was happening in the pictures in the book. In very excited ways that just made my heart sing. She is starting to grasp words as in reading but I don't think they've made it there quite yet. But she has a vocabulary and can talk and tell you things she is thinking and she asks so many questions... It's so precious. I just... I am almost crying typing this thinking about how much she grew in a year and how amazing it was to see her thriving.

me on the last day of the trip... At IHOP for my "last meal" as I have come to call it. 

We have trouble getting photos of Scarlett, she is mom and dads special needs deaf dog. She is just a quirky and adorable as ever. Always getting in to things she shouldn't be... Typical rascal dog behavior lol

Marleigh! My husband was most excited to see this big floof. She is so sweet and has these sad eyes that you can't say no to.

Aiden Hyde .... He is doing so much better than I thought he would after we left. He's actually changed a lot in good ways. Maybe my little miss Lilly was intimidating him too much to let his inner personality show but dad and mom adore him now.

I post this solely because you can see my dad in his natural habitat. Cowboy boots and all 😂🥰

dad (behind the walker) and family

The hand crafted one of a kind lamp my dad made for my husband from a bourbon bottle. My dad is awesome not gonna lie. Better pics will be posted elsewhere.

Me in the elevator of the hotel we stayed in. If I look closely at this picture I THKNK I can see two gray hairs!!! Lolol that would catch me up with my two cousins (three of us bor that one year. Both of them have tons of gray hair already and I'm just over here like 🤷🤷🤷Idk y'all?)

Me in the hotel room mirror. Idk why but hotel mirror pics will always be a thing for me

this is a out HALF of what we packed for the trip lol. Not counting gifts and Stan's suitcase and some bags of assorted things.

Alabama Christmas vacation part one

Alabama Christmas 2022

Monday night

Ok I planned on making more mini updates on my phone and clumping them together and making a big update after we got back from Alabama. But I didn't write anything for Saturday or Sunday… so I will do that now.

Saturday was the drive down and it was pretty good. We went a different way then we'll usually go and it took us through the very top edge of Georgia. The drive was so much easier that I think I will be able to drive myself back home to visit my family. So basically just don't drive through Nashville y'all. Just don't do it. Lol. 

Sunday was the Reynolds tribe family Christmas and it was pretty much the same. Lots of chaos and people and food and jokes and people drinking beer on the not so down low. 

I got to see my cousin who is basically my sister and I needed that so badly. I didn't spend as much time with her as I could have but! I am seeing her on Tuesday. So she gets a special visit from me.

I saw my aunts and uncles and cousins and second cousins. And it's just a LOT OF PEOPLE.

I kind of kept to myself at the gathering and I think it was because I was subconsciously trying to protect myself from the anxiety I'd have if I just threw myself into the center of the attention and chaos. Like I had a self preservation type thing. Which is good. It's like my brain is setting boundaries for my own safety? And I didn't feel pressed to interact more … maybe because I have work on therapy stuff or my anxiety medication helped me calm down. So I could just sit and take it in and not be… idk.

I feel like I kind of half assed my family Christmas. Like I didn't talk to anyone as much as I wanted to? I should have talked to people more?  But they didn't make a huge effort to talk to me either. And they know I have anxiety so maybe it was them try to be nice to me but I actually wanted to interact more and didn't have the capacity to tell them. I was just… there.

Anyway..

Now it's Monday night.

I slept in late this morning and I am mad about it because I didn't mean to and that kinda set the tone for the whole day.

But anyway… we got dressed and got good went to the grocery store for stuff to cook at mom and dads. Because I wanted to have a home cooked meal ready for them when they got home from work. Because mom doesn't do that anymore she is working herself. 

So we did the shopping. Went by the storage unit to measure the desk and book shelves and some stuff because we need to move it all up to Kentucky this coming year. Sooner rather than later. We are going to have to get another storage unit in KY because we have too much stuff for our apartment. Especially if we wanted to make the second bedroom livable. Right now it is basically a storage closet.

Ah anyway we get to my parents house and we see the dogs and my husband just… goes nuts with happiness. He loves dogs and loves marleigh so much (she's my parents husky mix) and there were lots of cuddles and pets and scratches given to the marleigh. We also got to see Scarlett.. she is deaf. Special needs dog and she is just as quirky and random as ever.

I got to see my oldest cat Aiden Hyde… he is a senior kitty. He's 15 years old.

My Miss Lilly is 10 years old.

Anyway

We chilled and played with the doggos until it was time to start cooking dinner. 

My husband is so so so very good at what he does. He fried chicken and it was so good!

It was nice to be able to dry food and the smoke alarm not go off every five mins like it does at our apartment lol

We had dinner done for mom and dad (more or less) and mom got home before dad so she helped us fix a little extra food for my brother's girlfriends son. It was pretty complicated so MANY things being cooked in the kitchen at the same time. But we managed it.

My husband was a saint about this dinner with my parents brother. I am Grateful he was willing to cook for them. I know how hard it is sometimes. And I appreciate it very much. It meant a lot.

We did our gift exchange.

Mom and dad got their his and her blankets cause they talked about not having blankets to cuddle up on the recliners in the living room. Mom and dad got me some AMAZING journals and notebooks and stuff and I am so excited to use them. I want to use them for something special. I think I might start up a dream journal. Just write down my dreams every morning.

My dad made my husband the most amazing unique hand crafted lamp… out of a bourbon bottle. I will have to attach pictures of it to this blog post. later

Unfortunately we are being up more stuff that we left down here because mom is pushy about getting the house cleaned out. So we are working on getting a new storage unit in KY and having one here to put the stuff from the second bedroom and the Alabama unit.. and then We can actually decorate and use the second bedroom instead of it just being full of boxes. Which would make it so much easier to have friends come over and stay the night. Or anything really.

Today is now Tuesday December 20, 2022

And we are laying around until my husband has to do fucking WORK ON HIS VACATION. BECAUSE THE RADIO STATION IS INCOMPETENT AND ITS GONNA CHANGE. SYARTED IN JANUARY. NEW NYEAR NEW RULES. That's the plan anyway.

After he does his work in Alabama on the road on vacation in a hotel we will be going to see my cousin which is probly the best part of the trip ngl.

I'm gonna post this. I'm surprised I even got one half of the blogging done already. I have a lot more to say obvioisly but this is a good start.

Monday December 12, 2022

Ok guys I am having what I can only describe as a slow burn panic attacks. It's going. And it's been going for a few days. It gets a little worse sometimes (like yesterday afternoon) this morning I'm having a hard time. I guess it could be assorted anxiety attacks but it feels like it's rolling up to something huge.

I'm having to literally ration my anxiety medication because this new doctor does not approve of prescribing it for long term management of anxiety. I don't know what she thinks I am doing with this medicine. I take it sparingly. I'm not taking it every day just when I have attacks. I didn't get to talk to her long she literally got dropped all of my previous doctors patients into her lap like days before the appointments. I didnt even try to get her to talk extensively with me I only had a 15 min appointment. I don't talk to her until January. I don't know how to go about asking about my medicine without sounding like someone who is abusing the damn stuff because that's what they're assuming everyone is doing. So I haven't called the damn people about it I will just wait and see what the duck happens.

Basically I dont know how much longer I will even have anxiety medication and I might be looking for another doctor which will cause a gap in my medicine anyway. And doctor hunting for anxiety medication just.looks.like.bad news to Amy doctor I might even be trying to see. So I've GOT THAT GOING FOE ME NEXT YEAR.

ALSO BECAUSE CAR DECIDED TO BREAK DOWN COMPLETELY I AM UNABLE TO GET MY CLARINET INTO THE SHOP TO GET IT FIXED (NOT ENOUGH MONEY) WHICH WAS LITERALLY THE ONLY THING I HAD TO LOOK FORWARD TO NEXT YEAR. JOINING A BAND. SO FUCK THAT TOO.

I am running around in circles trying to pack and clean and keep house and I have four different to do lists and two packing lists. And now I have what seem like it might be  migraine or close enough to one to shut me down for most of the day.

On top of everything is my eating disorder literally ruining every fucking day of my life for weeks now.

My period showed up FIVE DAYS LATE. I AM BLOATED. I CANNOT POOP. I ATE TOO MUCH FOR A FEW DYAS BECAUSE OF MY PERIOD COMING AND CRAVINGS AND NEEDING TO APPEAR NORMAL AND NON DISORDERED IN FRONT OF FAMILY NOW I AM LITERALLY FIVE LBS MORE THAN I WAS LAST WEDNESDAY.

LONG STORY SHORT I AM NOT OK AND I HAVE NO TIME IN WHICH TO GET OK BEFORE WE LEAVE FOR OUR TRIP. AND AFTER OUR TRIP IS MORE "UN-OKAYNESS"

if I make it past Christmas without a SERIOUS mental break down I will be in shock because I haven't felt this unhinged in literally years.