Thursday, February 24, 2022

thursday february 24, 2022

So tomorrow I have an appointment with what I hope will be the long term place I will be getting my medication at. the place I went to before was a short term care facility that is only for emergency type situations, like i had, which was a gap in my medicine between doctors.

I dont know if this place has therapists or not, so if not I will be searching for a therapist. when we originally started looking for place I wrote down the name of a few places and doctors and one I wrote down was a legit Psychologist, which might be really good for me. I have some trauma to work on and maybe some more serious approach would be helpful. I'm going to think about it.

My nails are growing out again and I am sad because I haven't been able to paint my nail properly since we moved, I keep messing it up. I want to go get my nails done on the regular but I also dont want to pay a fortune. If I can keep my nails grown out a normal manicure with a gel like nail polish might stand up and not chip off. The reason I wanted to do acrylic is because it will stay nice. but they make really strong good gel polish might stay on my nails. I wash a LOT of dishes and I know you can wear gloves (I have some really cute ones) but I dont feel like I can grip the dishes as well and I'm afraid I'll drop them)


I am supposed to vacuum today but I dont really want to and the floors are pretty clean.

I have started using oil in my hair again because my hair is getting dry. when I grow it out it apparently gets dry. I know it did when I grew it out last time, so I guess that's just how my hair is and I never really noticed cause I kept my hair in a bun so much for so long. 

Wearing my hair down makes me feel powerful and confident. Just like putting on make up does. It boosts my self esteem so much. So I have been doing that when I feel down.

I'm still doing my face skin care routine. Nothing fancy at all. Just an oil free acne treating cleanser because my skin is oily, and a moisturizer for oily skin. I usually only wash my face at night, but if its oily I'll wash it during the day and use an astringent and then the moisturizer because believe it or not, stripping you skin of its natural oils makes it produce more oils. its weird. I went so long so the bare minimum makeup and skin care and my skin was absolutely fine, i think because I wasn't messing with it and stripping the natural oils or adding stuff to clog pores. But having a skin care routine, even a small one, gives my day structure and I need that to feel productive. Which is kind of what I'm doing with my hair care and the hair oil. I'm brushing my hair more than i used to. I used to just put it in a bun between washings and not do anything with it. But now I'm taking care of it. Which is good. I need to take care of myself, because I went so long not doing it.

this past saturday we had some friends over for a house warming party of sorts. my husband fried fish and some shrimp and it was SOOOOO good. we also went shopping with them and went to the peddlers mall and I got TWO white kitty figurines and a little pot to put in my curio cabinet.

I love the cats. And the pot was such a cute find for 25 cents!!! it looks as if maybe the cats are from the same line of stuff. they're so similar.

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

wanted to post some photos - Feb 8, 2022

Here's some images from here lately.

Lilly in Nana's chair she picked out for her living room. RIP nana

Lamp we got at Good Will. Nice lamp. Vintage.

little bowl I got for Miss Lilly to eat her dry food out of

started decorating a bit with my old vintage stuff. Lol

Here's my baby girl sitting with me.

and here's a photo of me. I've been putting on make up and doing my hair and it makes me feel better about myself. And i'm doing it for me, not for others. This new therapist wants to work on body image a good bit I think. Which will be.... A very new thing for me.

Monday, February 7, 2022

Feb 7, 2022

 So we are trying to get everything transitioned to here when it comes to my mental health and physical health.

The place I want to see a therapist at might not be able to prescribe me my anxiety medication, because it's a controlled substance. So I'm running into that problem again. The therapist gave me a list of other places I could go to for medication management incase they wont do it for me, so at least they're trying?

I haven't been able to get my stomach medicine filled here with the new insurance. They dont want to cover it. Because it's expensive I guess. But it's the only thing i've found that works so, since I had an approval with it before they are supposed to call back in alabama and try and get that to cover for here too since its the same prescription-- just a refill of it. 

My therapist today was nice. Very skinny. Blonde. it kind of made me feel like a fat lump and I dont know how well that will sit with me trying to talk to her about my eating disorder and body image issues because.... well, she's perfection looking at me and talking to me and I can't really separate beauty and thinness and worthiness. it's all messed up in my head. And I dont know if this therapist is going to be a good fit for me, I am going to try but I won't be surprised if I end up having to find help elsewhere.

so that's today... I swept the kitchen and dining room

Tomorrow I clean the whole kitchen and make lots of phone calls. I have an errand or two to run. The post office is one of them.