Thursday August 11, 2022

so the world is on fire but we are still living obviously.

I got my medication adjusted and i am doing better. 

my weight has gotten out of hand so i am dieting and trying to do it healthy and proper and not relapse on my eating disorder. its going to be hard. my husband is dieting with me to so maybe that will help. we both need to take better care of ourselves.

its hard to try and eat enough to be considered healthy and not too little to be a restrictive diet that could lead to me relapsing.

i've been playing a game and its been helpful to take up my time during the day. it's a very cute game but the game play isn't that great. i have a lot of complaints with it and i know now better what i want in a game so next time i purchase one i will go online and look at reviews to make sure the game is a right fit for me.

my husband and i bought tshirt that say "kentucky strong" on them and to proceeds go to help the flood victims. there was a horrible historical level flood event here recently and its absolutely devastating. the photos from the flood look like the photos after hurricane katrina's flood levy fail and flooded all the neighborhoods. it happened between midnight and dawn so it was all in the dark. basically if you didn't have a weather radio or your phone set for alert you didnt even know it was coming. it is such a horrible thing and it's just another things to add to the list of horrible things that have happened in the past few years.

I am trying to be better about the house work. 

I haven't been taking very good care of myself lately. I've not been washing my face and doing my skin care routine but I have an app that I have set goals and reminders on so I hope that will help me remember to do these things. I paid for the full version of the app to unlock all the feature so I am making sure i use it to its fullest extent. Its basically a mood journal and habit tracker and goal tracker. it very neat and ive been using the free version daily for over almost 200 days and i've used it in the past for long streaks of time so i figured it might be a good investment for me if it's helping me keep motivated to do my daily things.

my parents are supposed to come up here and visit in the next month or so and i am excited. i haven't seen them since January and I miss my dad very very much.

I recently got some work done on my car and it was the first time i've done that because my dad has always been the only person to work on my cars so its was like.... do i trust this person with my baby? lol

 

sunday july 10, 2022 -- world is still hot mess

 world will continue to be hot mess

my body my choice

June 26, 2022 the world is a hot mess right now

 They have over turned Roe v. Wade. this country just took oh so many steps backward 

This ruling doesn't stop abortions from happen, it just stops them from happening safely. Women will die.

The thing that bothers me the most is that there are literally, apparently, tons of women... who do not respect themselves enough to let themselves choose what happens to their own bodies. like.... i can't even... wrap my head around that. they think so little of themselves that they dont even think they should have the right to choose what happens to their body. Because this is not about babies. This is not about saving babies. This is about controlling people. Controlling women. And it won't stop there, they'll attack Trans rights and Gay rights too. 

in other news this past week has been the week from hades

i had an appointment almost every day. or something was happening. on monday my husband was off work for Juneteenth. Tuesday we cooked dinner and watched stranger things. wednesday I had an appoint with my general practitioner to review my blood work. My iron is low and my vitamin d is low. I have been able to get vitamins d, but the iron supplements are not being filled by the pharmacy for some reason and i can only assume it something stupid because this insurance we have keep throwing up road block everytime i get a new prescription.

on thursday I had therapy with my psychologist at 9am and a dentist appoint at 2pm -- I thought i was just getting cavities filled but the talked to me and decided it would be faster and easier to pull the next tooth and then i could get the impressions for my partial to get made so i can look like a i have a normal smile again.

on friday i went to a new counseling service for some counseling on a very specific matter that i was not getting help for with my other therapists and what not. 

so many appointments! i opened a can of worms here and i dont like it. haha

i have restarted a stardew valley farm and it is very much making me happy right now.

Wed June 15, 2022

 So today I had an emergency dentist appointment to remove my tooth that was, by all means, going to have to come out anyway. but even after the antibiotic the pain didn't go away so it was time to pull it.

I havent had a tooth pulled while I was awake as long as I can remember! All my other teeth I had went to the surgeon and been put to sleep. This was quite an experience! Was not painful at all, though. And the lady was so cool and wonderful. She reminds me of a character on Greys Anatomy, haha.

So the experience was a long one, my tooth root was actually hooked at the end and made it quite difficult to pull out, but it eventually came. She showed me to tooth so I could see the root and why it was so difficult. The only feeling I had was pressure as she wiggled it loose gradually. 

I have to say it feel pretty good to have gotten a tooth thing taken care of WITHOUT being knocked out unconscious and having the rest of the day lost in sleep and nonsense because of anesthesia wearing off.

I am wide awake and I'm not hurting. I feel absolutely fine. And there is much less bleeding than when they cut out teeth. obviously because there's... not cutting when you just pull it, i guess.

I dropped my phone flat on its face on the kitchen tile and the screen is shattered. it's a spider web crack so it's... it usable but i dont know how long it will hold up. my husband and i have to decide if we want to get our own phone plan, which would make the most sense. but the process is more complicated that normal because of a few different things so we are having to wait and talk to some people before we can get anything done. All I hope is my phone keeps working until I get a new one because it's the only way I am getting calls and messages about my appointments. The doctors dont know how else to reach me and I have no other way of setting alarm reminders for my appointments either.

tonight is Obi-Wan Kenobi night. so my husband and i will be watching this weeks episode when he gets home from work. 

oh fridays we are watching on episode of the new Stranger Things at a time, so we dont blow through it all.

Saturday May 21, 2022

 So lets see... since my last post..

We went to the movies and saw the Dr Strange movie and it was fantastic!!!

I had the videochat with my friend and i was amazing and we plan to do it again soon.

I had therapy with my psychologist and it went great, she is loving that I am taking the CBT so seriously. and now I have to memorize some stuff for her which I am scared I wont be able to because my memory is so bad but I am going to do the best I can do.

I am reading two book right now. one is a palahniuk book and the other is a collection of articles about spiritual stuff.

my husband ordered a book for me to read and it has arrived so after i finish this book  I will read the one he ordered because it is a continuation of the last book i read. I just started another book waiting on this one to get delivered. it doesn't matter so much, i've read them all before. i'm just re reading for my pleasure

tomorrow we are having my husbands dad over here and he is going to drop off some stuff he's built for us, and after that we re going out to eat with him. i am very nervous but its something i need to do.

Thursday May 5, 2022

 I should have updated before now but Ive been so busy!

since i last updated I have had therapy twice-- getting into actual CBT therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. my therapist is sending me stuff to print out so i can study and make notes and its really making me happy and scratching an itch i have to feel like i'm in school and learning something.

my husband and I went to the movies and saw a funny movie. Also we had dinner out somewhere that was.. less than enjoyable for me but I'm looking at it as an exercise in pushing the limits of what I can and cant do with my anxiety,

I'm trying to do more cooking. Also I am reading a lot more, or I was until I got my CBT homework to focus on. I am up to 6 books read so far this year.

This week has been busy. on monday I went to the post office and mailed of several cards for mothers day and a letter to a penpal. then i did some errands.

on tuesday i did a big thing and drove myself to an urgent care clinic that did referrals to other places and it was so hard but I did it! i have trouble trusting google maps but it was ok this time. The place i went told me they dont usually do referrals for my specific problem but they "called in a favor" so i got a referral to the Gastroenterology specialist at the near by hospital.

yesterday i tried to take a "me time" day but i felt rushed and busy the whole day anyway.

last night we watched the season finale of a show we had been watching and had pizza, which i shouldn't really be eating given my stomach problems. also my dad called me which was really nice! it was star wars day (may the 4th be with you) and that's the first thing he said to me on the phone, haha.

today i had therapy-- telehealth of course. it went great! i'm so excited to work more thoroughly on my mental processes that make me so anxious and depressed and... well, awkward and weird I guess.

tomorrow i am baking brownies for saturday, and saturday we are visiting my husbands mother for mother's day and having a little cookout with her and some family.

on sunday i will do laundry and we plan to go to the movies to see the new Doctor Strange movie. Multiverse of Madness. I love Scarlet Witch/Wanda so I am really excited to see this movie.

Next week i have a video chat with a friend scheduled for tuesday so that is really exciting!

i'm sorry to be so short but I don't have much time to do stuff these days it feels like.  

thursday april 14, 2022

 this week, and last week, have been absolutely ridiculously horrible.

lots of things going on. lots of complicated and bad things going on.

my drivers license expired and i need more documentation to get it now than i would have before, which sent us on a wild goose chase to find some stuff to get more identification. And then last minute we realized we already had what we were searching for. so that was a huge mess but funny, in a way.

my cousin recently had a crisis with her child and they were in the hospital, and then she got to go home to rest until the scheduled surgery. but she started feeling sick again and well, my cousin and i are basically sisters. she has little to no one to rely on to help her take care of her kids (she has two) so i was getting ready to haul ass to alabama to help take care of her other child incase the other one ended up back in the hospital again.

we have had a lot of car trouble lately. and i've been helping my husband out by driving him around and picking him up from work and taking him places which is fine. i just dont know how to get anywhere here so i have to use google maps for everything.

this weekend on saturday we are going to visit my husbands mother for easter weekend, and i will do all our shopping on sunday along with the laundry.

and today is my father in laws birthday. i told my husband to tell him happy birthday and if i could i would give him some of that fancy dark chocolate. he loves dark chocolate.