i havent been updating because not much has been happening other than me trying to lose weight and find purpose in my life.
decorating for the holidays has come in handy but after thats over i will need something else to fill the void and we are trying to get my clarinet fixed so i can join a community band in the new year.
my car needed a lot of maintenance just now so that really bothered me because i have a weird anxiety about not having freedom to go places even though it makes me anxious to go to NEW places, i can handle the places i have been to before and have become comfortable with which is as always will be hobby lobby, dollar tree, and walmart. so that is the extent of my adventuring for now.
if i get into a community band i will have to drive to rehearsals and what not so that will be a thing.
the whole telehealth thing because of covid is really great and all but it makes people like me isolate even more when we have nothing to go out into the world for. like its kind of sick and twisted. the theleheatlth is thriving on us right now like...a parasite?
anyways i havent slept much the past two days and i feel really speedy and i think i might be hypo manic. i need to slow down and sleep and im gonna have to take a lot of OTC sleep medicine for that because it doesnt acutally as well as the prescription i was getting with my old doctor and the new one wont let me have it because i was on anxiety medication and now.. the NEW doctor that replaced that one told me that she doesn't even prescribe anxiety medication like that and like wtf. i have to find a new doctor probably and it was so hard to find the one i had in the first place and i just NEED A LITTLE HELP from someone to get this all straightened out before i run out of anxiety medication refills altogether????
i am excited to be going back to alabama in mid december and i hope the trip goes well but i am so anxious about food and driving and social stuff and i dont have enough medicine for the anxiety probably so i can't take it in the mean time to try and have some in december and just
ITS A LOT AND I AM TRYING MY BEST