Bipolar Type I - Generalized Anxiety Disorder w/ Panic attacks & OCD - PTSD - Chronic Eating Disorder (since 2005, it comes and goes)

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

May 26, 2020

so a lot has happened since I last updated.
Well, not really so much just a really big thing.
Save for my iron infusions and therapy and what not....

My Mawmaw died and we put her to rest yesterday. She had been sick for a long time and in a lot of pain... she lived a long life and died at home.
At the funeral I got to see a lot of my family that I had not seen in really long time and it was kind of great. Like really great.

This morning I got up at 5am and went to get my second iron infusion.

This makes the second round of times i've had to get iron. because they give you two or three infusions, a week apart.  i had it done last fall and now again.

I dunno where my iron is going but I need it to please stay in my body ok thanks.

My car broke down today, AFTER my appointment which is good. I mean, in the general scheme of things yeah, that's the best way that could have gone down. lol

My Mother-in-law sent me a super late birthday gift and it is ADORABLE and I love it.

my husband and I are watching Avatar: The Last Airbender together and it's pretty awesome. I never watched it before.

I'm still playing Animal Crossing New Horizons, I made a memorial for my mawmaw and my nana in the game. Cause you can basically design your own world in the game. you have your own island and do whatever you want.

So life is returning to normal apparently.
Lets see how it goes.



Friday, May 8, 2020

May 8, 2020

So today is a RAINING MESS OF A DAY

I went to the store for mothers day cards today, and that was kind of fun. I think I found some that are good enough Or something lol It's so hard to pick and then there's the fact that they're already picked through and not much is left.

Dad went to the dentist yesterday and now has an appointment later to get a root canal to save his tooth.
I need to go to the dentist soon too, I will probably end up losing atleast one more tooth. I hope we can save one of them though.

I have been having a blast playing animal crossing with my friend Jess and I didn't think I would enjoy doing that kind of thing because I am really protective of my island and dont like visitors but if they just come shop and stuff... I always make sure I have all my fruit and stuff picked before I get visitors because I'm afraid of getting looted. I have maybe three more people I wanna play with but we are having trouble scheduling the time to do it.

I'm trying to eat better again, I dont know how long it will last or what will happens but I'm going to try. I am fed up with my body. And my mental health is suffering very badly from it.

I have two iron infusions later this month so that will hopefully give me some more energy, I've been feeling very very exhausted all the time and also cold a good bit. (ok well to be honest I'm either cold or hot, I almost never have a comfortable temperature)

Anyway, not much else to report.

my husband is grilling or smoking meat or whatever this weekend so that will be a nice treat. its always so good when he does it, he know what he is doing, that's for sure.

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

I'm trying to update more

Mostly just to help my own sanity

Last night I didn't sleep very well, didn't take ambien and wasn't tired but when I finally dozed off around 1 or 2am it was so pleasant and gentle and it was like the best cat nap. woke up around 4:30 maybe 5am. I felt great. like so peaceful. and calm.
i'm i haven't slept at all today, which means tonight i should sleep very well. I hope.

My husband ate some bad chicken last night and has had tummy troubles all day. You just gotta be careful with chicken, you know?


I haven't played as much Animal Crossing as I planned today but I think if I had, i'd have gotten sleepy. so I've been doing other stuff.

I can't really figure out what. I've been writing in my journal. Attempting to color. My therapist thinks the anxiety relieving adult coloring books are very good for me to have a project to work on that doesn't have an actual level of quality that it requires but i can still make it as best as i can anyway??? does that make sense. like i can put effort into it if i want or i can just blah

I did clean the literbox and take out the trash and take the garbage cart down today.

But really a LOT of writing in my personal journal.


It's CINCO DE MAYO AND TACO TUESDAY DURING THE CORONA VIRUS QUARANTINE.
hahha

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Some Animal Crossing Photos

outfit of the day

another outfit

cutsie photo

Bubbles is my bestie, she is hilarious and kind

Finally got Nook's Cranny updated

My room is red and black themed

another outfit of the day

Saturday, May 2, 2020

May 2, 2020

So they have lessened the rules on quarantine here in alabama. Probably not a good idea, but what can you do.

I've been playing Animal Crossing and Coloring a lot.

I went and saw my MawMaw again and had a nice time there with everyone who was there.

Not much is going on.

My stomach is bothering me a lot right now at the moment.
And also my lower back.

I'm not sure what is going to happen next in general, I think we are all just holding out breaths and waiting to see if the virus gets less and less or gets more in other places.

I'm thinking that the places like I live will get hit last because we are so off and away from others, it will take a while to get out here, if it does at all?

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Sunday April 19, 2020

So I read a meme that said we should uninstall 2020 and reinstall because this one has a virus.
NOTHING ELSE IS SO TRUE.

Stan and I are having a good weekend despite my tomfoolery

I wanted to update because I had a dream I did lol

We have been watching a lot of comedians lately. Stand up comedy is the best because its highly offensive usually, and we all know I love that.

So I am happy to report that my fake fitbit watch I got months ago from Wish is STILL WORKING
the battery life is getting a little less but its still great.
Not that I'm walking that much given the quarantine

We had a REALLY bad storm come through a week ago and the power was out for 2.5 days. like what in the world.

and its storming again today.
already has and is about to again.




SO HERES THE SAD PART OF MY ENTRY
My mawmaw is dying and I posted about it vaguely on facebook and my own family got mad at me and I had to delete my post. D= D= D=
I was so offended and hurt
I barely even MENTIONED it
it was in an update about a bunch of other stuff

lame

She had stomach cancer, and apparently had for a bit. it is very aggressive and has metastasized and is spreading everywhere.
She is actually doing much better than I expected, but then again all I have to compare it to is my Nana who died from brain cancer and she was, essentially, a vegatable for a few weeks. I hate saying that but yeah. She wanted to die at home, just like mawmaw. But mawmaw fed herself last I heard and she is still going outside to get fresh air. Even though they have to help her now, but as far as I know she is mostly ok given the situation.
I'm just really not ready for another grandparent to die. I keep thinking about how PawPaw will be next and then my aunts and uncles and then I think about my husbands family and I get really bent out of shape. I love his grandma and mother so much. I love his Dad, though that topic is kind of taboo frankly, I shouldn't love someone who hates me but I do. It's hard not to like his Dad. I was scared of him at first but now I just like.. I wanna see him. I can't but I want to.

My husband is being amazing lately. Not that he isn't always amazing. But this weekend has been good. He washed the dishes, started the laundry and is currently at the store buying me chicken.
Usually I do the chores so its like oh wow, this is really nice as hell.

He's being put through hell having to work during the quarantine, especially since his back has started giving him problems on the daily. I know he is trying so hard to be strong and I see it. I love him and it hurts me that he is in pain, and is an "essential" worker.

I dont handle death very well, at all. and I know everytime he goes to work he could die in a car accident or catch COVID-19 and I know his immune system isn't good and I just... the fear is real. Very real.

I'm also worried about my Dad, he has had this bad cough for years and I just fear the COVID would completely destroy him. But thankfully he is working from home. My mom is a trooper though, she never lets herself be "sick" if that's somehow possible. I can't even remember the last time she went to the doctor. I can't remember the last time Dad did either. They just dont go.

Ok so my husband is back and we are about to eat and watch TV.

Here's some cute gifs



Thursday, April 9, 2020

April 9, 2020

So it's been a long time since i've updated this blog.
I went to update on March 29 and my computer wouldn't load the page to post so I just put it away for a while.

I had to do my last therapy session via telehealth and I didn't like it at all.

My MawMaw has been sick and they diagnosed her with terminal cancer so I have limited time to see her for the last time.

The COVID-19 virus has the world going nuts.

I'm trapped at home.

Stan got me a new video game for my birthday, and a stuffed Hello Kitty that I named "Corona Kitty"

My dad has come up with a way to stream his classes and make videos of the stuff for the classes, which is pretty cool. He can't just sit there and talk at the camera, he had to make a pivoting mount out of wood that is looking down on the electronics stuff he is teaching about.

This saturday I am hopefully going to see my mawmaw

My stomach has been bothering me more than normal and I hate it

Walmart is having trouble getting my medicine in stock so that is bad

everything is bad

i am depressed
i can't get med adjustments because I can't physically go to the doctor, and getting adjustments during the quarantine is probably near impossible, plus i dont even know if i need it. i might just be more depressed simply because of the quarantine. probably.

all i want to do is sleep

I have a mini infestation of tiny tiny tiny beetle like bugs in the window of my bedroom. I would just bug spray them but Lilly likes that window and I dont want her to get sick from bug spray. =/ not sure what to do

Stan got us the last starwars movie and we watched it. I love it, but stan doesn't care for it so much. I mean, I'm like, at least it explains why Rey was so over powered in the previous movies. AND. well i can't talk about it, it might spoil it for the one person who reads this blog. lol

The only thing I have going for me is my new video game: Animal Crossing New Horizons
It's only the second animal crossing game I've played but god damn are these games addictive.
I kinda wanna start up my older one and just check on my villagers--- they get upset when you disappear from the game. and they count the days too.

My cat has been taking naps on me and that makes me happy too

MY stomach really hurts right now, sigh.

I guess I will try to update this more since I'm stuck at home. maybe post some photos of stuff.

I think I'm averaging two naps a day and also sleeping all night through.
this is so much sleep I don't even know what to think