Saturday May 21, 2022

 So lets see... since my last post..

We went to the movies and saw the Dr Strange movie and it was fantastic!!!

I had the videochat with my friend and i was amazing and we plan to do it again soon.

I had therapy with my psychologist and it went great, she is loving that I am taking the CBT so seriously. and now I have to memorize some stuff for her which I am scared I wont be able to because my memory is so bad but I am going to do the best I can do.

I am reading two book right now. one is a palahniuk book and the other is a collection of articles about spiritual stuff.

my husband ordered a book for me to read and it has arrived so after i finish this book  I will read the one he ordered because it is a continuation of the last book i read. I just started another book waiting on this one to get delivered. it doesn't matter so much, i've read them all before. i'm just re reading for my pleasure

tomorrow we are having my husbands dad over here and he is going to drop off some stuff he's built for us, and after that we re going out to eat with him. i am very nervous but its something i need to do.

Thursday May 5, 2022

 I should have updated before now but Ive been so busy!

since i last updated I have had therapy twice-- getting into actual CBT therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. my therapist is sending me stuff to print out so i can study and make notes and its really making me happy and scratching an itch i have to feel like i'm in school and learning something.

my husband and I went to the movies and saw a funny movie. Also we had dinner out somewhere that was.. less than enjoyable for me but I'm looking at it as an exercise in pushing the limits of what I can and cant do with my anxiety,

I'm trying to do more cooking. Also I am reading a lot more, or I was until I got my CBT homework to focus on. I am up to 6 books read so far this year.

This week has been busy. on monday I went to the post office and mailed of several cards for mothers day and a letter to a penpal. then i did some errands.

on tuesday i did a big thing and drove myself to an urgent care clinic that did referrals to other places and it was so hard but I did it! i have trouble trusting google maps but it was ok this time. The place i went told me they dont usually do referrals for my specific problem but they "called in a favor" so i got a referral to the Gastroenterology specialist at the near by hospital.

yesterday i tried to take a "me time" day but i felt rushed and busy the whole day anyway.

last night we watched the season finale of a show we had been watching and had pizza, which i shouldn't really be eating given my stomach problems. also my dad called me which was really nice! it was star wars day (may the 4th be with you) and that's the first thing he said to me on the phone, haha.

today i had therapy-- telehealth of course. it went great! i'm so excited to work more thoroughly on my mental processes that make me so anxious and depressed and... well, awkward and weird I guess.

tomorrow i am baking brownies for saturday, and saturday we are visiting my husbands mother for mother's day and having a little cookout with her and some family.

on sunday i will do laundry and we plan to go to the movies to see the new Doctor Strange movie. Multiverse of Madness. I love Scarlet Witch/Wanda so I am really excited to see this movie.

Next week i have a video chat with a friend scheduled for tuesday so that is really exciting!

i'm sorry to be so short but I don't have much time to do stuff these days it feels like.  

thursday april 14, 2022

 this week, and last week, have been absolutely ridiculously horrible.

lots of things going on. lots of complicated and bad things going on.

my drivers license expired and i need more documentation to get it now than i would have before, which sent us on a wild goose chase to find some stuff to get more identification. And then last minute we realized we already had what we were searching for. so that was a huge mess but funny, in a way.

my cousin recently had a crisis with her child and they were in the hospital, and then she got to go home to rest until the scheduled surgery. but she started feeling sick again and well, my cousin and i are basically sisters. she has little to no one to rely on to help her take care of her kids (she has two) so i was getting ready to haul ass to alabama to help take care of her other child incase the other one ended up back in the hospital again.

we have had a lot of car trouble lately. and i've been helping my husband out by driving him around and picking him up from work and taking him places which is fine. i just dont know how to get anywhere here so i have to use google maps for everything.

this weekend on saturday we are going to visit my husbands mother for easter weekend, and i will do all our shopping on sunday along with the laundry.

and today is my father in laws birthday. i told my husband to tell him happy birthday and if i could i would give him some of that fancy dark chocolate. he loves dark chocolate.

Wednesday March 30, 2022

 Last week started with my husband getting what we thought was food poisoning, so I took care of him and doted over him. but by wednesday it was clear that it was not food poisoning because I, too, got sick.

it was a stomach flu or something.

I didn't vomit a lot bit I did a lot of other things (poop)

And the pain.... my legs were aching. the muscles were hurting, it felt like they were being pulled from the bones it hurt so bad.

On monday my husband somehow managed to pull off a job from home while he was sick and it went really well, and in retrospect... he has actually little to no memory of it happening.

Lately I've been watching the second season of Bridgerton, Minx, and The Dropout on Hulu.

my husband and I finished season one of Gilded Age on HBO and we both love it. It's by the people who did Downton Abbey.

My cousin's daughter is in the hospital and she is very very sick. We all have been praying and she isnt getting any better and they arent making any headway either.

I miss my dad more than I thought I would. The other night I was crying about it and my husband messaged my mom and had my dad call me. I didn't have much to say and i was stuffy from crying and it was a horrible but also much needed phone call.

To top that, my car's check engine light has come on and before now the only person allowed to work on my cars has been my dad and now, he can't. so i'm...i dont know it just bring up a lot of feels. like i'm losing him even more.

monday march 14, 2022

 Well Last week I was on FIRE. House wife of the year.

this past weekend not so much.

I just laid in bed. 

My wonderful husband cooked and washed dishes. I think I just burnt myself out trying so hard to be perfect last week. I woke up and did make up and chores and errands and tried to be perky all the time and let me tell you, its exhausting.

Am i allowed some down time where all i wanna do is lay in bed? does that mean i'm back stepping on my mental health recovery? i sure hope not because i need that down time or i will lose my mind.

i'm dragging my feet on finding a therapist. the last lady i called actually called back and told me she was over loaded with clients and couldn't take me but told me a website to go to. she said they don't do phone call stuff, that everything is online. which is kinda weird for me. idk. you think i'd be ok with that haha

so i guess after this, i will hop on that website and see what's up with that. she said its what she was part of and there's quite a few therapists on there.

i kept up with my self care routine last week really good too. but over the weekend i didn't. but usually i'm all wash face in morning, spf moisturizer, make up (if i wear it), at night i wash my face take my make up off (even my eye make up) use my night time moisturizer. also i have an eye cream now! am i old yet!? lol

thursday february 24, 2022

So tomorrow I have an appointment with what I hope will be the long term place I will be getting my medication at. the place I went to before was a short term care facility that is only for emergency type situations, like i had, which was a gap in my medicine between doctors.

I dont know if this place has therapists or not, so if not I will be searching for a therapist. when we originally started looking for place I wrote down the name of a few places and doctors and one I wrote down was a legit Psychologist, which might be really good for me. I have some trauma to work on and maybe some more serious approach would be helpful. I'm going to think about it.

My nails are growing out again and I am sad because I haven't been able to paint my nail properly since we moved, I keep messing it up. I want to go get my nails done on the regular but I also dont want to pay a fortune. If I can keep my nails grown out a normal manicure with a gel like nail polish might stand up and not chip off. The reason I wanted to do acrylic is because it will stay nice. but they make really strong good gel polish might stay on my nails. I wash a LOT of dishes and I know you can wear gloves (I have some really cute ones) but I dont feel like I can grip the dishes as well and I'm afraid I'll drop them)

anyway

I am supposed to vacuum today but I dont really want to and the floors are pretty clean.

I have started using oil in my hair again because my hair is getting dry. when I grow it out it apparently gets dry. I know it did when I grew it out last time, so I guess that's just how my hair is and I never really noticed cause I kept my hair in a bun so much for so long. 

Wearing my hair down makes me feel powerful and confident. Just like putting on make up does. It boosts my self esteem so much. So I have been doing that when I feel down.

I'm still doing my face skin care routine. Nothing fancy at all. Just an oil free acne treating cleanser because my skin is oily, and a moisturizer for oily skin. I usually only wash my face at night, but if its oily I'll wash it during the day and use an astringent and then the moisturizer because believe it or not, stripping you skin of its natural oils makes it produce more oils. its weird. I went so long so the bare minimum makeup and skin care and my skin was absolutely fine, i think because I wasn't messing with it and stripping the natural oils or adding stuff to clog pores. But having a skin care routine, even a small one, gives my day structure and I need that to feel productive. Which is kind of what I'm doing with my hair care and the hair oil. I'm brushing my hair more than i used to. I used to just put it in a bun between washings and not do anything with it. But now I'm taking care of it. Which is good. I need to take care of myself, because I went so long not doing it.

this past saturday we had some friends over for a house warming party of sorts. my husband fried fish and some shrimp and it was SOOOOO good. we also went shopping with them and went to the peddlers mall and I got TWO white kitty figurines and a little pot to put in my curio cabinet.

I love the cats. And the pot was such a cute find for 25 cents!!! it looks as if maybe the cats are from the same line of stuff. they're so similar.

wanted to post some photos - Feb 8, 2022

Here's some images from here lately.

Lilly in Nana's chair she picked out for her living room. RIP nana

Lamp we got at Good Will. Nice lamp. Vintage.

little bowl I got for Miss Lilly to eat her dry food out of

started decorating a bit with my old vintage stuff. Lol

Here's my baby girl sitting with me.

and here's a photo of me. I've been putting on make up and doing my hair and it makes me feel better about myself. And i'm doing it for me, not for others. This new therapist wants to work on body image a good bit I think. Which will be.... A very new thing for me.