June 26, 2022 the world is a hot mess right now

 They have over turned Roe v. Wade. this country just took oh so many steps backward 

This ruling doesn't stop abortions from happen, it just stops them from happening safely. Women will die.

The thing that bothers me the most is that there are literally, apparently, tons of women... who do not respect themselves enough to let themselves choose what happens to their own bodies. like.... i can't even... wrap my head around that. they think so little of themselves that they dont even think they should have the right to choose what happens to their body. Because this is not about babies. This is not about saving babies. This is about controlling people. Controlling women. And it won't stop there, they'll attack Trans rights and Gay rights too. 

in other news this past week has been the week from hades

i had an appointment almost every day. or something was happening. on monday my husband was off work for Juneteenth. Tuesday we cooked dinner and watched stranger things. wednesday I had an appoint with my general practitioner to review my blood work. My iron is low and my vitamin d is low. I have been able to get vitamins d, but the iron supplements are not being filled by the pharmacy for some reason and i can only assume it something stupid because this insurance we have keep throwing up road block everytime i get a new prescription.

on thursday I had therapy with my psychologist at 9am and a dentist appoint at 2pm -- I thought i was just getting cavities filled but the talked to me and decided it would be faster and easier to pull the next tooth and then i could get the impressions for my partial to get made so i can look like a i have a normal smile again.

on friday i went to a new counseling service for some counseling on a very specific matter that i was not getting help for with my other therapists and what not. 

so many appointments! i opened a can of worms here and i dont like it. haha

i have restarted a stardew valley farm and it is very much making me happy right now.

Wed June 15, 2022

 So today I had an emergency dentist appointment to remove my tooth that was, by all means, going to have to come out anyway. but even after the antibiotic the pain didn't go away so it was time to pull it.

I havent had a tooth pulled while I was awake as long as I can remember! All my other teeth I had went to the surgeon and been put to sleep. This was quite an experience! Was not painful at all, though. And the lady was so cool and wonderful. She reminds me of a character on Greys Anatomy, haha.

So the experience was a long one, my tooth root was actually hooked at the end and made it quite difficult to pull out, but it eventually came. She showed me to tooth so I could see the root and why it was so difficult. The only feeling I had was pressure as she wiggled it loose gradually. 

I have to say it feel pretty good to have gotten a tooth thing taken care of WITHOUT being knocked out unconscious and having the rest of the day lost in sleep and nonsense because of anesthesia wearing off.

I am wide awake and I'm not hurting. I feel absolutely fine. And there is much less bleeding than when they cut out teeth. obviously because there's... not cutting when you just pull it, i guess.

I dropped my phone flat on its face on the kitchen tile and the screen is shattered. it's a spider web crack so it's... it usable but i dont know how long it will hold up. my husband and i have to decide if we want to get our own phone plan, which would make the most sense. but the process is more complicated that normal because of a few different things so we are having to wait and talk to some people before we can get anything done. All I hope is my phone keeps working until I get a new one because it's the only way I am getting calls and messages about my appointments. The doctors dont know how else to reach me and I have no other way of setting alarm reminders for my appointments either.

tonight is Obi-Wan Kenobi night. so my husband and i will be watching this weeks episode when he gets home from work. 

oh fridays we are watching on episode of the new Stranger Things at a time, so we dont blow through it all.

Saturday May 21, 2022

 So lets see... since my last post..

We went to the movies and saw the Dr Strange movie and it was fantastic!!!

I had the videochat with my friend and i was amazing and we plan to do it again soon.

I had therapy with my psychologist and it went great, she is loving that I am taking the CBT so seriously. and now I have to memorize some stuff for her which I am scared I wont be able to because my memory is so bad but I am going to do the best I can do.

I am reading two book right now. one is a palahniuk book and the other is a collection of articles about spiritual stuff.

my husband ordered a book for me to read and it has arrived so after i finish this book  I will read the one he ordered because it is a continuation of the last book i read. I just started another book waiting on this one to get delivered. it doesn't matter so much, i've read them all before. i'm just re reading for my pleasure

tomorrow we are having my husbands dad over here and he is going to drop off some stuff he's built for us, and after that we re going out to eat with him. i am very nervous but its something i need to do.

Thursday May 5, 2022

 I should have updated before now but Ive been so busy!

since i last updated I have had therapy twice-- getting into actual CBT therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. my therapist is sending me stuff to print out so i can study and make notes and its really making me happy and scratching an itch i have to feel like i'm in school and learning something.

my husband and I went to the movies and saw a funny movie. Also we had dinner out somewhere that was.. less than enjoyable for me but I'm looking at it as an exercise in pushing the limits of what I can and cant do with my anxiety,

I'm trying to do more cooking. Also I am reading a lot more, or I was until I got my CBT homework to focus on. I am up to 6 books read so far this year.

This week has been busy. on monday I went to the post office and mailed of several cards for mothers day and a letter to a penpal. then i did some errands.

on tuesday i did a big thing and drove myself to an urgent care clinic that did referrals to other places and it was so hard but I did it! i have trouble trusting google maps but it was ok this time. The place i went told me they dont usually do referrals for my specific problem but they "called in a favor" so i got a referral to the Gastroenterology specialist at the near by hospital.

yesterday i tried to take a "me time" day but i felt rushed and busy the whole day anyway.

last night we watched the season finale of a show we had been watching and had pizza, which i shouldn't really be eating given my stomach problems. also my dad called me which was really nice! it was star wars day (may the 4th be with you) and that's the first thing he said to me on the phone, haha.

today i had therapy-- telehealth of course. it went great! i'm so excited to work more thoroughly on my mental processes that make me so anxious and depressed and... well, awkward and weird I guess.

tomorrow i am baking brownies for saturday, and saturday we are visiting my husbands mother for mother's day and having a little cookout with her and some family.

on sunday i will do laundry and we plan to go to the movies to see the new Doctor Strange movie. Multiverse of Madness. I love Scarlet Witch/Wanda so I am really excited to see this movie.

Next week i have a video chat with a friend scheduled for tuesday so that is really exciting!

i'm sorry to be so short but I don't have much time to do stuff these days it feels like.  

thursday april 14, 2022

 this week, and last week, have been absolutely ridiculously horrible.

lots of things going on. lots of complicated and bad things going on.

my drivers license expired and i need more documentation to get it now than i would have before, which sent us on a wild goose chase to find some stuff to get more identification. And then last minute we realized we already had what we were searching for. so that was a huge mess but funny, in a way.

my cousin recently had a crisis with her child and they were in the hospital, and then she got to go home to rest until the scheduled surgery. but she started feeling sick again and well, my cousin and i are basically sisters. she has little to no one to rely on to help her take care of her kids (she has two) so i was getting ready to haul ass to alabama to help take care of her other child incase the other one ended up back in the hospital again.

we have had a lot of car trouble lately. and i've been helping my husband out by driving him around and picking him up from work and taking him places which is fine. i just dont know how to get anywhere here so i have to use google maps for everything.

this weekend on saturday we are going to visit my husbands mother for easter weekend, and i will do all our shopping on sunday along with the laundry.

and today is my father in laws birthday. i told my husband to tell him happy birthday and if i could i would give him some of that fancy dark chocolate. he loves dark chocolate.

Wednesday March 30, 2022

 Last week started with my husband getting what we thought was food poisoning, so I took care of him and doted over him. but by wednesday it was clear that it was not food poisoning because I, too, got sick.

it was a stomach flu or something.

I didn't vomit a lot bit I did a lot of other things (poop)

And the pain.... my legs were aching. the muscles were hurting, it felt like they were being pulled from the bones it hurt so bad.

On monday my husband somehow managed to pull off a job from home while he was sick and it went really well, and in retrospect... he has actually little to no memory of it happening.

Lately I've been watching the second season of Bridgerton, Minx, and The Dropout on Hulu.

my husband and I finished season one of Gilded Age on HBO and we both love it. It's by the people who did Downton Abbey.

My cousin's daughter is in the hospital and she is very very sick. We all have been praying and she isnt getting any better and they arent making any headway either.

I miss my dad more than I thought I would. The other night I was crying about it and my husband messaged my mom and had my dad call me. I didn't have much to say and i was stuffy from crying and it was a horrible but also much needed phone call.

To top that, my car's check engine light has come on and before now the only person allowed to work on my cars has been my dad and now, he can't. so i'm...i dont know it just bring up a lot of feels. like i'm losing him even more.

monday march 14, 2022

 Well Last week I was on FIRE. House wife of the year.

this past weekend not so much.

I just laid in bed. 

My wonderful husband cooked and washed dishes. I think I just burnt myself out trying so hard to be perfect last week. I woke up and did make up and chores and errands and tried to be perky all the time and let me tell you, its exhausting.

Am i allowed some down time where all i wanna do is lay in bed? does that mean i'm back stepping on my mental health recovery? i sure hope not because i need that down time or i will lose my mind.

i'm dragging my feet on finding a therapist. the last lady i called actually called back and told me she was over loaded with clients and couldn't take me but told me a website to go to. she said they don't do phone call stuff, that everything is online. which is kinda weird for me. idk. you think i'd be ok with that haha

so i guess after this, i will hop on that website and see what's up with that. she said its what she was part of and there's quite a few therapists on there.

i kept up with my self care routine last week really good too. but over the weekend i didn't. but usually i'm all wash face in morning, spf moisturizer, make up (if i wear it), at night i wash my face take my make up off (even my eye make up) use my night time moisturizer. also i have an eye cream now! am i old yet!? lol