Friday, January 31, 2020

Jan 31, 2020 - trip recap

I finally found the outline for the blog draft I was going to write, so here is my late christmas trip summary.

Day one - Friday: my husband and I woke up on time and got going exactly as planned. However, my stomach was not very happy with me and we had to make some stops for me to handle my GERD and IBS issues. I ended up sleeping through most of the trip up, riding in cars makes me sleep like a baby.
When we got to our destination, which is where my husband's mother lives, we ordered a pizza from a legit Italian place and it was sooooo good. I ate so much pizza and by some grace of God I didn't get that sick. So woooo.

Day two - Saturday: we slept in a bit, then got ready and had lunch with my husband's friend and her boyfriend. The restaurant was amazing. Very pretty interior design. I took a photo to show mom and dad because it reminded me of stuff my dad would make.  I ate smothered chicken and green beans, but I ended up scraping most of the toppings off the smothered chicken.
That night my husband cooked dinner, fried chicken with honey on it and omg it was so good. I dont usually eat friend chicken at all, but daaaaaaaaaamn,

Day three - Sunday: my husband went to visit with his dad and they had a delicious lunch and watched some football. And my husband is so sweet, he got me ice cream on the way back. Most of the day I rested, my stomach was not feeling the best. But compared to other times we have visited, my stomach was much better than the past.

Day four - Monday: my husband made delicious breakfast for us-- fried bologna egg and cheese sandwiches on toasted bread, It was just what I needed. So good. After that we relaxed with mother-in-law, and my husband's cousin and his girlfriend, also my husband's grandmother came over. It was very nice to see my husband's cousin and his lady. They are good people. After everyone left my husband and I decided it was a good night to eat chinese takeout. Haha, which was delicious but, I would soon regret it.

Day five - Tuesday: I woke up with a huge acid reflux attack at 6am. I dont know why in the world my body decided to go ALL night and then be like "oh hey, 6am, lets choke on stomach acid"
So we slept a little later than planned, because I had such trouble with that. But eventually we packed up and got on the road to come home. I slept half the way home, and spent the other half singing annoying songs that drove my husband crazy. we made it home early enough to talk to my parents before going to bed.


Thursday, January 30, 2020

Jan 30, 2020

I had a pretty large blog update outlined and I lost the outline.

So I'll just say I had a great trip to visit my husband's family.
And now I'm home and sad. And my new medicine is run out, and I'm just kind of sitting here wondering what I'm gonna do next.

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Jan 22, 2020

So, some stuff has happened and I'm thinking its best to update before we go on vacation.

I started a new medicine and now I can't get it because of insurance.
On top of that I had to miss my appointment with my doctor for refills because I had some kind of stomach bug or flu. All I know is I was violently sick for about 24 hours. I'm am starting to think it was the new antacid my husband got me, a generic of something I'd never tried. Or hadn't in a while. It might have just been a bad bottle. Either way I dont wanna ever try it again. I felt like I was dying. I'm pretty sure I ran a fever. Which is why I think it might have been a stomach flu instead?

My doctor did call in a small refill of my meds so I should have enough to last through our trip to ky.
All I need is caffeine pills now, which I forgot to get at the store.

I am packing as best I can, Its going to be cold on our trip and and all my winter clothes are bulky and will barely fit in my suitcase.

The trump impeachment stuff has my husband working odd hours and super late and its upsetting in one way but also I get to see him more in the morning.

I've been lax on my obsession with making lists for packing... I'm just throwing stuff in a suitcase and hoping I get everything.

I do know I wanna take books to try and detox from some gaming I've been doing lately. I haven't been like, gaming constantly but enough to keep me from reading which is bad since I set a reading goal with this year.

Right now I'm watching Harry Potter from the beginning, taking a wee break from StarWars. Haha, I was on a StarWars binge for weeks.
Also I'm running out of beads to make bead chains with, which I should get some because its good to do when I'm sitting and watching TV.

We aren't going to be baby sitting for while we had her for two weeks and now its out time "off"
which is sad but that's part of baby sitting, they go back to their parents and such.

I need to go pack now.

Monday, January 13, 2020

Monday Jan 13, 2020

So, I'm not sure what I have or haven't updated about, and I'm not really feeling like checking my last post, lol.

So-- My new medicine isn't covered by insurance so we are coming at a point where we aren't sure what is gonna happen.
We know the generic is supposed to be released by the end of this month, but we aren't sure how soon it will make it to pharmacies or the insurance will be agreeable.

I go to see the doctor this week to try and figure out what to do.
We hope they will give me more samples so I can continue to take this medicine until they can get my the generic.

We have been watching our friend's baby again, but not as much as last year.
I have discovered all the best ways to make the baby laugh, which is my joy right now. haha
The trick is to make funny faces and strange noises, all the time. Even if you look like an idiot, ok especially if you look like an idiot.

I've been rewatching some starwars movies, and also a lot of old disney movies.

I'm monitoring how many steps I take a day and HAHAHAHA. I am so LAZY.

I'm trying to do more housework but I have been so tired lately. I think my iron might be low again, but we wont know anything until next month.

I'm kind of tired of typing now, so I will leave you with some gifs.

Saturday, January 4, 2020

Jan 4, 2020 --Saturday

We are home!
We went to the Pearl River Resort with my mom and dad and I THINK if it wasn't raining and we didnt go to the casino to gamble, we'd have had a really good time. The room was nice and comfy, except for there was no minifridge or microwave. which would have been really nice.

But the other nice stuff in the room made up for it

I'll be honest though I mostly slept the whole time. haha
The huge dinner friday night was delicious and I should have eaten more but I was so bloated and gross feeling I just couldn't eat that much. I ate a lot of potatoes and mac and cheese and baked fish and shrimp.
The drive over there was horrible. So rainy, like... just the worst kind of rain. Dreary and gross.

When we got home the cat collars I ordered from Wish were here and my cat has a beautiful collar now.

And I have some cool washi tape for my planner.

I mended one of my husband's work shirts when we got back, I'm doing a lot of sewing lately. it's nice. makes me feel housewife good.

Anyways, this next week I have an appointment with my Psychiatrist and Therapist. I haven't seen my therapist in a month! It's been so hard.  I have so much to say that I dont even know what to tell her, I'm going to have to start writing stuff down so I can remember what to tell her or I will just go in there and run my mouth and not talk about the things that actually matter. she lets me talk as much as i want but it seems to be getting in the way of my actual progress lately.

Here's some photos from our trip and today.

we went to the Philadelphia House of Pancakes. was good.

house of pancakes

po ta toes and skrimps. and maccychese. this is from the big dinner we did friday night

"that's no moon.... it's a space station"

and these are some photos from my wish order
a cat collar for my princess

super thin washi tape!

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

happy new year! Jan 1, 2020

So most people do a kind recap of the year  post on their blogs or whatever...
but I'm going to focus on the second half of the year because it impacted me more. So um.....

The second half of 2019 was a strange time. I spent a lot of time at doctors offices trying to figure out what was wrong with my body. Only to find out it's multiple things, and that are not all exactly fixable. But manageable.

GERD and diverticulosis, a hiatal hernia, gallbladder problems, ovarian cysts, low iron and my potassium is off.

I also came to the realization that yes, eating disorders make you age faster physically. My body is more worn out than it should be, and it's something I regret deeply. In combination with my bipolar and anxiety disorders, I feel as if so much has been taken from me by mental illness. Which is why I am going to do my best to be an advocate for mental illness awareness. That's why this blog has been revamped.

I have realized that I desperately want to be a mom. After baby sitting a friend's baby for days in a row... And finding so much joy in taking care of her... It's what my heart desires most right now. I yearn to be a mother.

I see my highschool classmates with their kids and I am so bittersweet happy. I am happy they can experience the joy, and I am simultaneously jealous that I cannot. I know there are options to have a child... 
I am very interested in fostering or adopting. I want to. But they make it so complicated and expensive I am afraid to even try because I get my hopes up so high... The let down destroys me.

There's other things that have been on my mind, things that I have failed to accomplish in the same time my peers have... Owning a house, having my own place. But then I remember that I love my parents very much, and living with them isn't too bad. Lol I think they are more tired of me than I am of them.

Also, the sense that death is always lurking ready to take people away has been reinforced in my life. It's been two years since my nana died and death and dying is still something I have not made peace with. I dread 2020. I dread the fact that I know people will probably die. That people die, period. It's not something I am able to handle well. And if I can't cope with it better I am not gonna make it through the rest of my life, because more and more people you know die as you get older.

2019 has also been good. At least some of it. I have just changed medication to latuda and my mental health has improved. I am more active. I want to do chores. I want to make jewelry. I want to leave the house. 

I'm not sure what 2020 will bring, but I am praying it gives me some answers or hope.

I hope everyone has a good 2020!