copy pasta from facebook

I just forced myself to do all the self care. Shower. Shaved my legs with the good razor. Used the good shampoo and conditioner.  Hair oil (coconut oil ... much needed!) On braided towel dried hair to dry. Face care (moisturizer with salicylic acid because I have oily face skin)  Body moisturizer with the hemp seed oil lotion I love so much. But when I run out of this i am going back to my staple of queen Helene Cocoa butter lotion. Because that stuff is just.. never lets me down. 

I didn't think I'd make it through the shower but my husband suggested I use the shower chair and I am so glad I did. I had the energy left over to do the things I needed to do for self care.

Showers have always been very hard for me since the depression got so bad. I don't know what it is about them... I just get very exhausted when I'm done. So I dread taking them. Since I dont need to wash my hair much I take baths a lot and rinse off after. But when I do shower it's.. very exhausting. And the length of my hair does not help AT ALL..

Ahh anyway I am clean and moisturized. I have already practiced clarinet.

I did not go walking today because I have started an increased dose of metformin and I don't know how it will do me yet and I didn't want to have a blood sugar crisis out in public. So... Maybe on Friday I will start my walking at the mall. I don't have music on my phone. But I have iHeartRadio and they are usually good enough for me. I don't think I need a tailored get pumped up playlist for my walking 😂

I spent most of this afternoon sewing a patch onto my canvas cross body bag because I don't trust iron on patches. I have bought a lot of stuff for pride month and I am already wearing everything. I have friends. Family. And I just.... Think equality for all is the goal it's.. THE GOAL.. It's... The goal. It should be standard like I don't even know why there is any questions or doubts. 

People are cruel. and I hate it. Learn to love other people despite your differences. It says a lot about you when you can't. Just putting that out there.

Anyways

Thanks for coming to my tab talk 

I hate doctors

Went to the doctor today....

Doc thinks my forgetting everything all the time is memory problems from sleep apnea

So I will get a sleep study

Which he already asked for but never heard anything

So we asked for it again

I'm gonna end up with a CPAP machine.. And still cognitive memory problems basically 

But they have to rule out everything before they diagnose me with... Anything??? You know? Hoops to jump through. Expensive tests. So much hate for this. I don't even know anymore 

I took pictures because I dressed up haha... I always have mean face. So that is a thing.

short update

Retail therapy. All my food is eaten in bowls now. And I am tired of washing the same three bowls over and over. 

Also two of them are vintage pyrex and should probably be stored away somewhere safe. They are very special to my husband.

I also allowed myself to buy new gym shorts in a size smaller. Which is a huge deal because I do not see myself as smaller at all. I lost weight last fall and have managed to keep it off. I still need to lose a lot of weight because of diabetes (which is part of what Infuriates me. I lost almost 40 lbs before they even caught it and diagnosed me so what was my A1C before that? Idek)but I have been wearing shorts that fall off me if I don't have a drawstring cinched up tight. Same with blue jean shorts and my cute little formal looking (imo) khaki shorts. I bought belts but I bought them too big because my mind doesn't see my body right.  Stan is gonna help me punch new holes in them. I don't think I have a big enough need or thimble to protect my thumb when I push hard enough on a needle anyway.

 and the gym shorts I bought are still too big so I could have gotten two sizes smaller. 😠😂