Bipolar Type I - Generalized Anxiety Disorder w/ Panic attacks & OCD - PTSD - Chronic Eating Disorder (since 2005, it comes and goes)

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Sunday April 19, 2020

So I read a meme that said we should uninstall 2020 and reinstall because this one has a virus.
NOTHING ELSE IS SO TRUE.

Stan and I are having a good weekend despite my tomfoolery

I wanted to update because I had a dream I did lol

We have been watching a lot of comedians lately. Stand up comedy is the best because its highly offensive usually, and we all know I love that.

So I am happy to report that my fake fitbit watch I got months ago from Wish is STILL WORKING
the battery life is getting a little less but its still great.
Not that I'm walking that much given the quarantine

We had a REALLY bad storm come through a week ago and the power was out for 2.5 days. like what in the world.

and its storming again today.
already has and is about to again.




SO HERES THE SAD PART OF MY ENTRY
My mawmaw is dying and I posted about it vaguely on facebook and my own family got mad at me and I had to delete my post. D= D= D=
I was so offended and hurt
I barely even MENTIONED it
it was in an update about a bunch of other stuff

lame

She had stomach cancer, and apparently had for a bit. it is very aggressive and has metastasized and is spreading everywhere.
She is actually doing much better than I expected, but then again all I have to compare it to is my Nana who died from brain cancer and she was, essentially, a vegatable for a few weeks. I hate saying that but yeah. She wanted to die at home, just like mawmaw. But mawmaw fed herself last I heard and she is still going outside to get fresh air. Even though they have to help her now, but as far as I know she is mostly ok given the situation.
I'm just really not ready for another grandparent to die. I keep thinking about how PawPaw will be next and then my aunts and uncles and then I think about my husbands family and I get really bent out of shape. I love his grandma and mother so much. I love his Dad, though that topic is kind of taboo frankly, I shouldn't love someone who hates me but I do. It's hard not to like his Dad. I was scared of him at first but now I just like.. I wanna see him. I can't but I want to.

My husband is being amazing lately. Not that he isn't always amazing. But this weekend has been good. He washed the dishes, started the laundry and is currently at the store buying me chicken.
Usually I do the chores so its like oh wow, this is really nice as hell.

He's being put through hell having to work during the quarantine, especially since his back has started giving him problems on the daily. I know he is trying so hard to be strong and I see it. I love him and it hurts me that he is in pain, and is an "essential" worker.

I dont handle death very well, at all. and I know everytime he goes to work he could die in a car accident or catch COVID-19 and I know his immune system isn't good and I just... the fear is real. Very real.

I'm also worried about my Dad, he has had this bad cough for years and I just fear the COVID would completely destroy him. But thankfully he is working from home. My mom is a trooper though, she never lets herself be "sick" if that's somehow possible. I can't even remember the last time she went to the doctor. I can't remember the last time Dad did either. They just dont go.

Ok so my husband is back and we are about to eat and watch TV.

Here's some cute gifs



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