It has been so long since I have played clarinet with a band. or played at all.
So Last sunday I went to rehearsal and it was just a play through of everything. I absolutely could not play a note at all. I just sat there holding my clarinet. I cried a little. I was so overwhelmed. I knew I could play the music but... I couldn't.
So I spent this past week practicing every day. most days twice a day.
I did better at this rehearsal but I am still only at like 50% of my ability. and i could probably get even better if i kept pushing myself. I have natural talent and I just ... i dont think i tapped into my whole potential.
I don't really have anywhere to go with my playing but this band but even just this will be such a good thing for me.
I would think about asking to play second clarinet or first in the future but The 3rd part is challenging already. I know I'll get better and it will become easy but... with this band they need people on the third part. it's a good sized band but not much wiggle space on changing stuff up. so i am fine playing third even if i am good enough to play harder parts... i'd rather the band be balanced than demand i play first or second part. you need good players on the easier stuff just as much as the hard stuff. other wise it just doesn't all come together right.
so yeah i dedicated this past week to clarinet and i think i will do the same with this coming week.
i need to prove to myself i can actually play. i am not satisfied yet. no where near satisfied.