Bipolar Type I - Generalized Anxiety Disorder w/ Panic attacks & OCD - PTSD - Chronic Eating Disorder (since 2005, it comes and goes)

Saturday, July 25, 2020

July 25, 2020 - Saturday

I haven't update because 1. I've been kind of depressed and 2. we've been baby sitting almost constantly.

but other than that my husband and I have been enjoying watching shows together and other such things that we do.

However, to get away from the house.... in lack of the ability to really take a vacation this year (thank you COViD-19) we are getting a hotel room in town for three night just to get away from the house for a few days. Start on monday of next week. So maybe I will have updates then. Hotels are fun and anonymous and nobody can bother you and you dont have to worry about anything and it just feels so good.

Here lately everything is baby this and baby that... the baby is literally all there is. We are the only baby sitter they have and we are being run ragged by this. But we love the little girl so much its hard to get upset, she is so precious. It's like.... AHHHHHH GRRRRR AHHHH. I have no idea what parents feel about this but it's gotta be even worse so its definitely good I am not a parent. I couldn't handle it at all. God bless the parents you are so strong.

So as for my depression, I am trying to half my ambien at night (which is ok, its on a CR so i can half if without messing up its release into my system) so I'm not so sleepy the next do, so maybe I can take my ativan for anxiety without falling asleep during the day. I'm walking a weird line between under medication and over medicated. I can't find the right place. I need relief on my sleep and I need relief with my anxiety but I dont need next day drowsyness because it messes with my anxiety medication a lot. so we have to figure out a way to work it out.
And the depression, right, so... i might have to call my psychiatrist and tell him I need a medication adjustment but I have no idea what he might adjust. and adjustments bother me because if he a new medication I have to wade through new side effects and i HATE THAT. HATE HATE HATE.
So I am just hoping I can manage the sleep and anxiety and it will somehow help the depression so I dont have to call the doctor about the depression because I dont see him for like two month unless something pops up.

So Anyways I am making packing lists and stuff for our "staycation" and its all fun and stuff, I am going to try and and enjoy this as much as a real vacation.

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