Saturday, January 28, 2017


today we were supposed to start seriously packing for the move but my mom never got any boxes to us so we have to use what we have here and that isnt much.

we started the day watching South Park movie and I wrote in my journal.
I ate left over pizza from pizza friday for breakfast and that had my stomach on the go so I have a few BMs today... feel better now.

right now stan is putting his books in a plastic storage tub. I just put all my bracelets in a cardboard box left over from lilly's fancy feast food. i need small cardboard boxes for stuff so my little things dont bounce around inside the larger boxes and get tangled or break when we are moving them.

around 1:30 pm we are going to leave and go by dollar tree and get snacks and at 2:10 we are seeing the movie "Split" about the guy with multiple personalities and the one that is the killer is named Dennis lololol
it might creep me out but that is ok... these kind of movies are supposed to be creepy.

I havent been to see a movie in a while.. it feels like forever.. so this is a good thing. though i always get nervous about what to wear when i go out because i am so fat now. i am really really fat and i cant wear anything that i would usually wear. its really hard to get through each day right now. i cant stand being around myself because i hate myself and i have nobody to talk to about it because stan just gets pissed at me when i tell him shit.

i'm going to stop drinking diet dr.pepper because i think its making my skin oily... my skin was never this oily before and the only thing i've changed lately is i started drinking diet soda.

i got a letter in from Indian Rivers telling me that my appointment for Feb 7 was moved to Feb 1st.. which is weird because the little card they gave me when i left there last time said my appointment is in MARCH... not Feb. but i called them two days in a row and got no answer so i dont know what is going on or what to do. i guess i will just go to the the damn place on feb 1 like it said to and if my appointment isnt that day i will assume they meant march 1st or something. i really hate trying to figure stuff out with them over the phone because they have this automated calling answering system that drives me insane and half the time the extensions they have you dial dont have anybody there to answer them at all. which is what happened to me this last tie when i tried to call for my appointment shit.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

I feel bad

Stan is having the worst time at work and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel horrible and helpless.
Which on top of my already anxious mind is just not that great.
I'm experiencing an extreme amount of anxiety over the move and moving. I'm supposed to pack my existence away into boxes and put it somewhere in storage and live  without it. It's traumatizing. I feel paralyzed by anxiety which is causing  depression which is something I cannot afford right now.

I dont even have a therapist to help me out anymore. I'm completely alone.
On top of all this is my dad not being able to find a job. That is killing me and I can't fix that either so I really feel like a piece of shit lately.

I'm honor of this I am going to bed at 7pm. Good night.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Another monday

This past weekend we went to my parents house and played cards and drank and had a good time. Then on Sunday we went to lunch with pawpaw at a local place that serves delicious food.
On the way home we stopped at Lowes and bought two plastic tubs to store stuff when we move.
Today I took out the trash and cleaned the litter box.
Now I'm doing my nails and watching Grey's anatomy reruns on lifetime.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

I can't stand it

I have the worst feeling and I give up I'm going to bed before 6pm.
There. Done.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

anybody else getting weird feelings about Trump transition?

i mean i know most people had weird feelings from the start about Trump but i am starting to feel like there might be huge civil unrest and protest and violence and that is not cool.
i dont like him but i dont think we need to freak out like this either.

in other news, my car actually probably works so today i will go to the post office and mail a letter to stan's mom to thank her for christmas package... also i might go to pokestops because i need pokeballs
though it is a while to drive there damn it

i trimmed my nails so i can finally type again HALLELUJAH

i got some bagels at the grocery store so i have delicious healthy noms for breakfast instead of sugar cereal

today i  need to fold the towels and pack away some clothes that i dont need and wont need ... because we are moving and i gotta get going on things. this is a huge move and most things are going into storage i just have to figure out what clothes to keep in the house and which to put away. it wont be easy to get them back out so i have to think ahead.

i need to buy cigarettes today.. it will be the first time in a long time that i have had the money to buy them myself and i get nervous when i have to do things like that. =X

Sunday, January 15, 2017

surprising sunday

today we got up earlier than expected and went to walmart to get my meds.
and i got some stuff for myself.. like deodorant and a nail file because these nails had to be tamed.

my parents showed up and worked on my car. apparently there's nothing wrong with it ???
it needs to be driven every other day or so..
and now that i have pokemonGO i have  a reason to drive out to places for pokestops

mom and dad and stan and i talked for about half an hour just standing around outside the apartment..
lots of things to talk about and not enough time
i miss my parents
after they left i clipped and filed my nails down to normal levels
and i painted my nails a grey color and covered it with sprinkles of glitter with a sally hansen nail polish.
and i used the top coat that my friend Sagen gave me

now i am staying awake to watch the second hunger games movie because i want to see it after seeing the last and first here recently.

so thats where i am
oh we got the ROKU from stan's mom set up so we can watch sling TV and netflix on the same device
and that makes the sling TV really stable compared to the app on the computer
so thats cool
and we will be more likely to use netflix now because its not a pain to switch back an forth on the things we were using to access

but right now we are watching Shrek and Stan is totally Shrek lololol

and now stan is going to cook dinner
i love my husband

Saturday, January 14, 2017


today was a good day
we got up early and watched the end of one of the hobbit movies and then we got ready and went to Dirt Cheap because they supposedly had some good nintendo DS games... and they did have games but they were for kids.

we looked around and i saw alllll the scarves ever and i wanted them all but i resisted the urge somehow.

after that we went EVERYWHERE going to pokestops
yes stan loves me enough to drive me around to all the pokestops
i have the best husband ever

i was out of pokeballs and now i have lots and lots

then we got hungry and drove around looking for food
when i decided that i wanted to eat at Five Guys stan was nice enough to go to target and get me some ranch dressing becauseeee

they have cajun french fries!!!! i ate a whole large order

also at target i got a thing of 3 washi tape for $3... valentines edition

i have been needing some washi for a long time so thats good

after we ate we went to dollar tree and i got a thing of stickers for valentines day to decorate my planner and daily log book... we also got bleach and vinegar and cookies

and then we went to walmart for medicine refills and donuts and more cookies
and we looked at valentines day stuff and i picked out some teddy bears that i liked to give stan an idea for what to get me because he always gets me a teddy bear

then we went to the thrift store and stan got a cardigan that he and i can both wear

then we came home and i got my plannergirl on

today was a GOOD DAY

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Alabama lost

It's the end of the world in Alabama.  Lol

I got sick at the game party and I dont think I will be attending the next few gatherings.  I just don't deserve to.

Stan went shopping today without me because I didn't wanna go. I feel like I'm getting  sick and I don't feel like doing anything but sleeping

We are watching food network as usual lol.  I did watch a lot of lifetime tv today... I watched Grey's re runs and also little women Atlanta (my guilty pleasure).

Stan is making chicken wings tonight which is fun for him because he loves to cook.

I have colored a lot in my  coloring books lately.

I really have nothing to say so I'm just talking about random shit.

Friday, January 6, 2017

It's supposed to snow

But I don't think it will.  I really want to it to though.
I had a really  good day yesterday but today I feel under the weather mood wise.
I'm updating from my phone as usual these days.
I just really hope we get snow.  It will make me feel better.

I guess I need to get on the  computer and change the layout of my blog since Christmas is over. That will give me something  to do.

Stan might get to come home early because of the weather..  They are letting him pre record his afternoon show so he can get home.

I did a lot of coloring  yesterday and it was awesome.  I used a new coloring book that stans mom gave me for Christmas. It was l lovely.
Also I broke in my fancy markers that I bought and never used.  So I know how good they are now.

I guess I will go work on   my layout now

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy new year

One of my resolutions is to keep my nails long  and painted pretty.
Also to take better care of myself in  general... My teeth and body.  Gonna pamper myself a little bit.
Also we have to clean up the apartment for our moving in March.

my scheduled blog post

I have set up a habit tracker to try and motivate and keep track of my stuff so i have schedule to blog today. there is a lot going on. i...