Tuesday, November 29, 2016

It finally rained in Alabama

it rained in alabama. it rained like a mother fucker, too.
i'm playing pokemon off and on, i dont wanna play it too much.
I get sad when i finish games and I dont wanna get the sads if i finish it too soon. lol
I used a lot of my pokemon money to buy stuff to dress up my character and i am regretting it because i need the money for potions now =X but i will make it

the neighbors are letting their kids run around outside and they are making noise and it makes me mad.

I just ate pizza and it was delicious.

Miss Lilly has been all over me lately... she wants to nap on me all the time.
She and I have been fighting over the couch ... theres only room for one of us to sit down and he likes it. but i like it too. so she lays on me when i sit there lol.

okay i dont have much to say so i will stop now

Sunday, November 27, 2016


thanksgiving was okay. way too much food was cooked and the house was a disaster.
My nana and pawpaw came and nana was mostly okay ... i guess, I mean as okay as she could be. she fell asleep most of the time which is kind of normal for thanksgiving right? turkey makes people sleepy.

the food was really good and i'm surprised there wasnt more left over but since stan and i hung around all weekend i guess we helped eat up the food leftovers.

Stan did something amazing.. and he got my little brother to do black friday shopping (well, really it was thursday night and early friday morning) for him... and they snuck behind my back and got me a NEW nintendo 3DS and two pokemon games.. the new pokemon SUN and also pokemon X of the xy
I pretty much almost cried when Stan gave it to me on friday morning... I was pretty much speechless.

I never thought i would actually get it and Stan loves me and he got it for me.

So now i have to be super nice to him all the time lolol =P

We watched the Alabama Auburn Ironbowl game yesterday and all i can say is i'm glad alabama won.

we came home today (sunday) and now Stan and I are washing clothes and Stan has to go to the store for somethings we need around here.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Monday monday monday

this week is going to be a long one. so much to do before the holiday and then... gotta get through the holiday with people... not going to be fun at all.

Today I have put up the laundry  already...
and I need to unload the dishwasher.

I have started using Miss Lilly's instagram account again because she is worth it. end of discussion.
I need to practice clarinet but i am afraid to fuck up the healing of my mouth.

I need stan to get Miss Lilly some dry food and also the stuff for my chocolate chip cream cheese bake. and also a pecan pie for thursday.
I have to bake on wednesday. Stan also need to get the stuff to make his scotch eggs and find the time to make them before thursday. or on thursday. or something. I dunno.

Miss lilly is acting weird today.

I think there is food in the hole where my tooth was and i can't get it out and its going to get gross and possibly infected. =(

Last night I had a dream that a red truck without a driver was trying to run me over and kill me. it was really creepy and scared me.

I was watching CNN earlier and they had a guy on there who is 55 years old and playing college football. he is the oldest person to play football like that. so fucking cool.

I'm kind of out of things to say.
I feel really blank today.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

I guess We wont be going to the movies today

I feel overwhelmed because we have so much house work to do
the dishwasher is running and uses hot water so i cant get a shower in time
and then we have to wash clothes and carry them across the way to mac's apartment so we can dry them and then bring them back and put them up.
take out all the trash

anyways i just feel really overwhelmed by everything today for some reason

so no "fantastic beasts and where to find them" for me today

though if stan didnt want to go at 11am i might be okay but he wants to go so early and there's just no time

they're still showing harry potter on slingtv all day today so i will be watching that which is just as good probably i mean... i am pretty sure i wont be in love with the new fantastic beasts movie as much as harry potter. it probably wont feel as magical to me. so maybe its better if i just wait for it to come out on blueray in a few months or a year or so.
then again if we hear its really good we can still go next week or anytime. really. its not like today is the only day we can go.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Saturday and Sunday

Today I woke up early because Its impossible for me to sleep in on the weekends apparently. lol
which is funny because I can sleep in during the week just fine =P

I got up and did my usual routine: took my meds, started my journal for the day, and the daily log i keep. I fed Miss Lilly and drank some water.
then i turned on SlingTV and checked the freeform channel and discovered that they are showing all the Harry Potter movies ALL DAY LONG... and i got up early enough to start with the first one! so now i get to watch harry potter all day.

Today my mom and dad are going an Alabama football game.  My dad has never been to one so that is going to be very exciting for him.. I am excited for him. The game is at 6pm or so so they have to wait all day in anticipation lol
Tonight there is a local band playing at the Druid City tap room and Stan wants to go and I want to go but the band doesnt start until 8pm and I am usually in bed by then.... but I hope I can stay up and go. because its an all instrumental band which is right up my alley.

Tomorrow is sunday and we should do laundry ... or maybe do it today on saturday.

But our big plan for tomorrow is to go see "Fantastic Beasts and where to find them" because I love Harry Potter world.

I forgot to mention that Stan bought me Finding Dory even though I didn't think he would. =)

so i am lounging in the living room and watching this movie... these movies... all day. theres commercials but that's okay. i dont think they cut anything out just added commercial breaks. even if they did cut stuff out i would be okay with that. i am just glad i'm getting to watch the movies before seeing the "new" movie.
though I feel like I should watch Finding Dory because he bought it but I can't pause the harry potter marathon so I gotta keep watching it.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

well that was a huge waste of time

went through all the effort to get pretty for the my therapist appointment, and when i got there they decided today was the day i needed to have brought in my proof of income-- which i do not have . and so my visit would be either $44 or $160 or some shit... and even when i do bring in my household income (stan's pay check shit) they will probably want to charge me the full amount because stan makes a good bit of money. atleast compared to the usual people they have going to this place.

so i pretty much just cancelled my therapist appointment and any future appointments except with my nurse practitioner who does my meds. and i will hopefully have my proof of income by them or get charged a bazzilion dollars for that at the same time.

and this is made worse by my inability to get on stan's health care because blah blah blah shit idont wanna talk about.

my tooth extraction site hurts and its making me sad and grumpy

all i've eaten today is ice cream and i need to save the rest of it and i am waiting on stan to come home and make me mac and cheese. because i am a helpless baby laying in bed with a tooth ache.

my day was made worse by my attempt to go to Target for holiday washi tape (which they had) and i was going to get it and i was evening standing in line and this lady two persons ahead of me was having a fight with the cashier about over charging and coupons and shit and i stood there for about 5 minutes and then just put my thing down and walked out of there. i cant handle shit like that. people irritate me to no end i want to punch them in the face.

maybe my tooth hurting didnt help the fact either but still..

so i got pretty and went to the therapist and didnt' see the therapist and cancelled my appointment and made sure they still have me down for december with Connie (nurse prac) and went to Target and failed to get anything because people are stupid now I am at home and waiting for this paid medication to start working.

Today is therapyyy

Yesterday my dental appointment went almost perfectly. Like.... it was perfect. I didn't feel any pain and they were very careful to make sure I was comfortable the entire time.
I love my dentist. he is really really good.

I also have had good conversations with the dental hygienist assistant people too. he seems to have a good set up of good people working for him.

My tooth extraction was bleeding a bit more than i wanted it to yesterday and it was getting paranoid but i think it is okay.

Today I have therapy and i get to meet my new therapist--- i hate getting thrown off onto new therapist like this but Tara really cant see me anymore since she got her promotion. I don't know how much longer I will be using Indian Rivers so worst case scenario I have to get to know even another new therapist/psych AGAIN when i change where i go to the doctor in a few months. blaaaah.

Stan is babying me like crazy and is driving me insane lol but I know i love it just... its blahhh

i'm having some pain in the socket area  in my mouth where they pulled the tooth.
all i can eat is soft food like ice cream and shit.. which is annoying for me because i usually snack on fruit loops all day long.

we got a letter on the the door this  morning that kids have been destroying flower beds and hitting cars with stuff and i'm just like "THANK GOD" because these kids next door run wild outside and i have literally saw them digging up the yard and throwing rocks at cars and carrying big sticks around doing god knows what.
It would be different if there was an adult watching them but there isn't. they don't have anybody watching them and these kids are like. 4-7 years old... way too young to be running around a bad community like this by themselves.

i am going to maybe dress up nice for my therapist appointment today because I never get to dress up for anything. of course my idea of dressing up isnt really dressing up lol

here have some gifs

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Dentist todayyy

I'm really nervous about my dental appointment. I have a tiny mouth (the dentist told me so) and i just can't imagine how they're going to get the tools in the back of my mouth to pull that last molar on the top like... my mouth doesn't open up that much. and if they cant get it it might be a surgical thing which will cost a fuck ton more and i dont want it to happen but i wont have any choice once its going down.
I have an anti anxiety medication (ativan) to take at 10:30am and i have to get a shower and eat before that.
 they want me to get there about 30 minutes before the procedure and they will probably tell me to take another pill

its was nice and chilly this morning which makes me wanna wear my boots and stuff maybe i will wear tights and boots and a flannel shirt today to the dentist... it would be a waste of a nice outfit though considering i'm getting teeth pulled.

I'm getting to watch CNN all day like a loser lol i love it.
Sling TV is awesome except for it crashes a lot

I might try to sneak in a clarinet practice this morning because i dont wanna miss a day of practice =X

Miss Lilly has been rubbing her face on Herc's harness that we have laying out here because we cant put it away yet so I just moved it to her perch on the window so she can have it whenever she misses him.

i guess i will save my poptarts to eat before my medicine and all that.
anyways just waiting this out this morning and getting ready... getting a tooth pulled. for the first time. an adult tooth. a molar. okay. yeah.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I have two appointments this week

One appointment on wednesday (tomorrow) for the dentist to get one of my teeth pulled because theres soo much decay and they cant save it.

And then thursday I have an appointment at IndianRivers with my therapist who is going to be introducing me to my NEW therapist that i will be seeing instead of her (my current therapist got a promotion and doesnt have time to see people for therapy anymore, sadly)

I'm watching CNN on the SlingTV thing Stan got for me. it crashes but its okay.

on monday and tuesday Stan got up at the asscrack of dawn to go in and shadow Alex for the morning edition.. because Stan will have to do it sometime soon i guess.
he gets up at like... 3am? i dont even know
but he gets home around 1pm or so

Apparently Finding Dory is out on blueray now so that is something i might want. maybe. i dunno. it was okay but it not worth buying when we have to be careful about our money.

i'm scared that going to the dentist is going to make us lose all of our money
or that because i'm married Indian Rivers will not let me go there for free anymore.
and since i cant get on stan's insurance after alll i dont know what is going to happen to me with that

I havent even though about thanksgiving or christmas yet... i need to start gathering addresses for christmas cards. though hopefully we can give most christmas cards in person at the family christmas. i cant believe they are having my family christmas at the place i had my wedding reception lol.. i guess they liked the place when they went.

i have no money to buy christmas presents this year and i dont know what to do about it.
i think this christmas might be a giftless christmas for the most part. too much bad shit has happened and i dont want anybody to waste any money on me. i already know they are and i hate it i dont deserve any gifts i just want things that are stupid. i mean i need a new cell phone kind of but i can make it without this one just fine for a while longer. i want a nintendo 3DS but i dont think its happening and i would rather the money go towards my teeth.

i have started talking to mom about what we need to do and get together for thanksgiving next week... kinda snuck up on me here. i can bake the cream cheese thing or cookies or maybe a pie and i could make green bean casserole maybe?

I need to get comfortable in the kitchen again though... might need to bake something for stan to get into the swing of it

Stan came home and talked my ear off for an hour or so. lots to do about moving out of this apartment and in with my parents... so much to do... i am overwhelmed.. i am going to try really hard to be  on top of things as much as i can but... i still have depression going on.. and i dont know how much i can do

Now we are watching StarWars thanks to Sling TV its on a channel they give so wooo..

Friday, November 11, 2016


so I havent updated in a while
on tuesday I had my dentist appointment and I have to get two teeth pulled =( they are unsalvageable.
however, the other cavities are apparently not a big deal and easy fixes.
also the dentist was impressed by how straight my teeth are and I had to tell him i had braces before lol.. but i didnt wear my retainer so... i dont know.. he said i had beautiful teeth despite my cavities. so that made me smile

i also think my dentist is a flaming homosexual but that makes me like him even more.

i have been sleeping alot because i just feel nothing worth being awake for. i watched so much election coverage and now i want to watch the news all the time and they arent running it consistently but theres enough to see if i wait through the ads they show between the content.. i'm talking about cbsnews here they have been online most of the day since before the election. i think they do a lot of online streaming news thought so it might be a normal thing for them. i dunno.

i'm eating a lot of fruitloops and trying to watch some greys anatomy i'm slowing working my way through the bulk of the seasons again.. because i wanna refresh my memory on everything before they add the new stuff to netflix

stan is getting me pizza of some kind tonight so thats nice
we should find something to watch together while we eat we rarely watch anything together anymore

Monday, November 7, 2016

Monday and weekend recap

sooo... we went grocery shopping on friday even though I had a massive toothache and wanted to die.

on saturday we got up pretty early kind of... and took showers and got ready and went up to mom and dads for the game. Dad grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and mom made her delicious dip that she makes and Lauren and David showed up and Lauren had a cake with her.
I watched half of the football game but it was a late game and I was getting sleepy. also I couldn't get comfortable in that damn chair i was sitting in outside.

I wore my troy clarinet jersey saturday because i wanted to be in troy.

Alabama won against LSU of course.. i was scared they might not but I am glad they did.

we woke up early on sunday and came back home because we had to do two loads of laundry on sunday before Mac got home.

today is monday and I am a little pissed because stan didn't wake me up before he went to work but he claims he was being nice so i guess its ok

on wednesday i have my dentist appointment and i am really hoping they can get me back in sooner rather than later after the initial appointment for xrays and shit.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

wednesday nov 2

so today I have had multiple attacks of pain with my teeth and I got stan to call and make an appointment and the earliest they can see me in the 9th at noon so atleast i have a day to count down to. they will just make an assessment and do xrays so nothing will really get fixed on that day but i have to be an adult and keep my shit together somehow when it feels like my head is splitting open on my jawline
i can barely get fluids down to keep hydrated and eating is hard too

Tonight Stan is going with Mac and one of their favorite interns to a cigar shop to pick out something nice to celebrate Mac getting engaged. after that Stan is coming home and we are supposed to go grocery shopping finally. we have a lot to get when we finally go..
We would've went last night but my teeth were hurting so bad i couldn't do anything
i hope today is better. it needs to be better

in other news i really like this pen my mother gave me and i want more of them
Bic Veloctity 1.6 they write good and dark and dry fast.. they smear but not that much dry faster than most other pens of the same kind

i need to find something to do to distract me from the pain but i am coming up empty handed here
i want to eat but it hurt my teeth

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

It's Tea Tuesday and also dinner with my parents

Today is tea tuesday yall

just saying--- thats black tea btw. not coffee.. psshhh

also today we are having dinner with my parents so Stan can give my dad the tickets to the Alabama game cause dad has never been to an Alabama game and its just one more thing we wanna do for him.

i had a really really bad tooth ache this morning. like so bad i was crying hysterically and heaving and coundnt breathe and stan had to sit there and watch me and it was really REALLY EMBARRASSING.. like the worst thing ever. =( =( =(

I took a shower and I feel better I just hope my teeth dont hurt anymore today
thats all i hope for

we have a shopping list for after pay day and now is the time.... but i dont know if we will do it today considering my morning feels with my teeth i am really exhausted. being in severe pain is exhausting, it really is. i had to take a nap after it stopped...and i wasnt even sleep before.


and so...

now the next holiday is thanksgiving


the end of october 2019

a lot has happened and i dont feel like talking about it, i have a lot of very bad feelings there is something in the works, but we are uns...