Sunday, September 25, 2016

back at the apartment

things seem okay

stan and i went grocery shopping for some of the things that we need here at the apartment...

stan got me delicious pizza
i'm feeling pretty good

miss lilly is happy to be home
stan did so much house work while i was gone i am so amazed i cant believe he did all this work
i have to find some way to thank him tee hee

the pizza stan got me was from pizza hut and they apparently have the option the have other sauces other than marinara and i he got me some other sauce that didnt have marinara and omg it was so much easier on my stomach i am in heaven with this delicious pizza

we are trying to plan out our week and he is going to go to HR on tuesday to see about getting me on his dental so i can get my teeth taken care of... i am so grateful he care enough to do that for me. i need this pain to go away. i can barely think sometime because it hurt so bad

also on tuesday i have therapy with tara so i can finally tell her everything that has happened ... so much has happened

on friday we are going to go to my parents house for the the weekend because the football game is here this weekend and its homecoming so that will make everybody crazy
miss lilly better get used to traveling in the car lol

Friday, September 23, 2016

staying with my parents while things get taken care of

apartment issues got to me so i went to stay with my parents for a few days
i got to go to fayette to visit my nana and pawpaw and while my mother regrets letting me go it was tolerable for most of the time. my nana is being really... not good right now. it makes being around her almost impossible. we had lunch with pawpaw and charles cafeteria and i had hamburger steak with gravy and onions

my teeth hurt so bad all the time i dont know what to do
i cant do anything without feeling this ache in my teeth... just sitting here breathing makes my teeth hurt

i'm close to finishing up in my pink jounral ive been writing in in since april.. so its about time to finish.. i had been so depressed that i hadnt written much in there this year and there fore havent filled up my journal as fast as i should have

jesus my teeth hurt so baddddd i dont know what to do

i miss stan and the situation that has me away from the apartment have me really sad with myself and i dont know what to do
i just think.. maybe.. i wish i wasnt paranoid but i am and i cant help it.. paranoia is a big deal for people like me. i cant.. i dont know.. i feel hopeless and afraid things will never be the same again and i dont know what to do because i cant make the feelings go away

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Back at mom and dads

due to some unforseen circumstances Stan and I came back to my parents house last night. I will be staying here in definitely until we get some things taken care of at the apartment.
today was interesting... despite some really bad drama this morning with the apartment complex manager...
I ended up going to town with my brother and his girlfriend Krista. we went all over town for Pokemon go stuff and then to the vape shops. I got a new filter and bought my very first juice for my vape all on my own. kind of.
also had to stop and visit somewhere for Krista and her tidying up her late fathers accounts and business.
then we went to Walmart so I could get caffeine. and then Gamestop and then home.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

So I'm married now--- and someone stole my car tag while we were gone

I'm so pissssseddddd. my car tag was stolen from my car while we were gone to get married. I can't even leave my car at this place without somebody doing shit to it.

anyways the wedding was okay.

the reception the next day was okay.
the after party was the best.
my dad partied so hard it was almost embarrassing lol

and then we had to recover from the drinking... or i did. i drank too much and slept all day sunday
most of monday too honestly

on monday stan cooked more meat for the people at work

and today we came back and found my car tag gone.
i had a feeling something would happen to my car while we were gone so i am not that surprised but i am still super pissed.

now we have money to buy my nintendo 3ds
and pokemon xy

i have an upset stomach because i ate too much ham sandwiches

i am back at home and i can watch house all day again

miss lilly is glad to be home she is sleeping on her perch in the window

i have had a lot of BMs since the reception which is good because i usually have trouble going when i eat a lot

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Anxiety is rising

We are at my parents house and cooking the Boston butt on the smoker.  Stan is making his sauce and such and I have to stay out of the way because my anxiety is so bad.
I keep playing pokemon to distract myself.
I need to get my hair cut before Friday and my mom can do that for me but I need to wash my hair so it's straight...  I have it braided and the lengths of the hair would be off if she cut it dry.

Deep breaths.

Gotta keep it together.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

lots of stuff is about to happen

so much is happening in the next few days i am on auto pilot my anxiety level is at the max and i am trying to cope with it in any way possible.

today i was really anxious until i took my buspar and laid down but its just.. i get antsy and i dont know what to do about it

today stan and i have went shopping for some last minute things we need... or needed. for ourselves. and the reception.
i have packed most of my clothes and i cant pack my personal hygiene products until after i get ready tomorrow so lol...

today i played pokemon pearl that i restarted and i caught shiny geodude!!! i am so excited!!! its really hard and rare to get a shiny pokemon and yayayayayayyayyayayy.

today we last minute got dressed and went to Krista's dad's viewing at the funeral home near our house. Krista is my sister because she and gordon have been dating for so long... four years? a really long time. and yeah so.. we had to go.

that just added to the death of this week.. Hercules and Krista's Dad
and then on friday i'm getting married!!
two funerals and a wedding

Monday, September 5, 2016

RIP Hercules

please keep us in your thoughts... stan had to put down his dog on sunday and its really hard on him and me.
more so on him-- i mean he has to known him forever. Hercules lived to be 19 years old. thats like 200 in human years. he lived a long and wonderful life and i am just really glad he isnt hurting anymore. he went downhill really fast and i'm glad he is in a better place now.

stan and i have slept alot and been really quiet. stan got upset and decided to start cooking food and he made some really good chicken. but now we are ready to drown in food and i want pizza because i am addicted to pizza.

i had a weird feeling that Hercules would pass on right around the time we were going to get married. I'm not sure why but i had had that feeling for months, and it ended up being right.

now we have to get thing on lock down for marriage and reception.
i am not looking foreward to all the possible drama that is coming with this reception.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

A few things to note

I have stopped taking latuda (for bipolar depression and schizophrenia) because the bastards won't send me my medication when I call it in and I'm tired of fighting them for it.  End of discussion.  Plus my doctor lady had recently suggested that it might not be doing that much for me considering how depressed I still am  so I think its not that far off from what they'd expect anyway.

Also I skipped therapy today because I was asleep all day. Without the latuda I have trouble sleeping so we got my melatonin again.  And I took what I took back in the day and it was apparently too much because I slept all fucking day. Good deep sleep though.  I'm skipping it tonight and trying a lower dose later.

Tonight I was really  nauseated and had to vomit.  Which is lovely. 
I haven't really read  any of my book today so I feel like a lazy sob.

I almost never skip therapy so I just want everybody to know that that's kind of big deal for me.
But last time I saw  her my therapist was kind of trying to talk me out of getting married and that shit ain't gonna fly yall.  Nope.

Stan bought me a pokemon shirt with Pikachu on it.  I am so happy.
Running out of things to say.  Thank God for autocorrect on this tablet.
It's just stormed for the first time in days and that makes me happy.
I think I'm going to start a new pokemon rom game soon not sure what game I wanna play but I need something to distract me.

my scheduled blog post

I have set up a habit tracker to try and motivate and keep track of my stuff so i have schedule to blog today. there is a lot going on. i...