Saturday, December 31, 2016

Currently watching the football game

Watching the peach Bowl...  Alabama had better win.
Stan made his sweet Asian chili chicken wings...  And fried some shrimp. Stan loves to cook.
Last night we went to uncle Steven and aunt Debra's house and played dice and I drank a good bit of whiskey.  Just whiskey over ice.  Nothing mixed in.  I am proud of myself for drinking  it straight...  It's something I rarely do.
Uncle Steven got really mean and drunk and I feel sorry for Stan because he had never seen him act like that before.  Uncle Steven kept bringing up my first marriage and that made everybody uncomfortable.  I handled it pretty well though.

I've finally gotten used to my phone and learned to trust the auto correct.

Stan's mom sent us a Christmas mail package and it was full of stuff for me  mostly. Lots of notebooks and stickers. I am very pleased with everything.  My mother in law is the sweetest lady I've ever met.

Stan and I are staying at mom and dad's through Monday. And on Tuesday I have another dentist appointment to get more cavities filled.

I'm gonna stop now and go back to watching the game.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

I'm still at my parents house

Stan decided to leave me  at mom and dad's for the the week instead of  trying to take miss Lilly back and forth between locations so fast.
I finally got to play Pokémon go and I caught a few Pokémon.  I haven't gotten to go to a pokestop yet so I have no idea what that will be like.
Mom and dad and I have been working on getting  parts of the house ready for me and Stan to move in in March....  We have moved the desk out of the bedroom so stan and I can move a TV in there. But it is starting to look like we will have  to put the TV on the wall with some kind of holder.
I thought I would play a lot of Pokémon games while I am here but I haven't really felt like doing it that much. I'm still kind of sad that I finished pokemon sun as fast as I did. Now I have to play Pokémon xy.

Today they were showing the matrix movies all day and I had to laugh at how over dramatic they are. I could not  watch it seriously.
It's supposed to rain and I can feel it coming and it's making me sleepy as hell.
I'm slowly learning to trust the predictive  text and auto correct on my new phone because the swipe  keyboard is not up to par with what I've expected.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

I got a new phone

I don't know what kind  of phone it is but it's pretty. It says it's a pixi4?

Saturday, December 24, 2016

it's Christmas eve

I'm at my parents house and it's Christmas eve. we are baking a lot of cookies today... three different kinds of cookies. my Christmas cookies (funfetti cookies) and peanutbutter cookies and also chocolate chip cookies. (I'm making cookies instead of baking the cream cheese bake because I think it will go over better)

Stan and I played Pokemon for a while today. I like how much Stan gets into the game. it's so cute.

our tiny Christmas tree is covered up with presents. I have no idea who they are all for.
right now we are all watching Diehard.. which is apparently "the greatest Christmas movie ever" according to Stan and dad.
tomorrow I think my brother is proposing to his girl friend so that will be interesting.

I gotta stop typing and go finish baking cookies....

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

I made it through the family christmas


now i just have to make it through the real christmas

and yes i still haven't cut my finger nails so i'm still struggling to type

family christmas was okay though i think dirty santa could have went better... we neveer can get it right.. somebody is always upset by the gifts.

the food was amazing at the gathering.

the dryer we just got from Mac isnt working right so we are kind of pissed off about that.
it seems to dry stuff but it takes like... 4 or so times through the drying cycle

Stan starts doing All Things Considered this week so that will be interesting to see how he feels after work

i'm still working on my pokedex in pokemon sun trying to get all the pokemon

Thursday, December 15, 2016

this week so far

(pre note: my finger nails are so long i can barely type just fyi)

so far this week has been almost tolerable.

on monday we got Mac's washer and dryer so now i can clean things whenever i want and not have to wait on Mac's permission to use his stuff.

YESTERDAY i went to the dentist and let me tell you what is was an experience... i was in there for almost 2 hours while they fixed cavities. They got a lot of work done but I was at my breaking point by the end of it.
Today my teeth feel fine and the numbness is gone. they have a lot more work to do i really let my teeth go down this shit hole i stopped taking care of myself in my depression pretty much and yeah... shit shit shit.

TODAY is STARWARS DAY and we are all going tonight to see the new star wars movie. I consider it a date night for me and Stan even though other people will be there. We will do the usual Chick-Fil-A  before the movie.

Tomorrow is going to be a hard one because we have to get Mac's Bed into our apartment until mom can take it in the truck so they have to carry it to our apartment and it has to stay here somewhere (only god know where!) I am really stressed out about this part of our moving I just want the bed to be at mom and dads for us but they need time to move it in and i dont know so much going on makes my anxiety go insane so i just wont think about it unless i have to =(

And on friday, tomorrow,  we hope to get some time to go shopping for the Reynolds christmas which is sunday.... AT the same place our wedding reception was at so that's fun. I have some ideas about what to get gift wise for dirty santa. We almost decided not to play at all this year because people keep getting butt hurt over their gifts... its DIRTY SANTA... dirty is in the name... dont like it-dont play...

Monday, December 12, 2016

Well, this is the week from hell right now

today we have to get our old washer and dryer out of here and get Mac's installed. and mom has to come with a truck to move our washer dryer to the donation place because we cant leave stuff by the dumpster anymore. or we get fined.

Tomorrow I have a psych appointment and i have to update my information with the doctor and i  am pretty sure they are going to have to pay a higher price for my mental health care because they do a sliding scale fee for people based on income and despite my not having income stan has what they consider enough money so... i'm fucked.

wednesday i have a dentist appointment. to get some cavities filled. I'm hoping its relatively painless but it probably wont be.

thursday is StarWars movie night. we are going with Mac and it will be our last movie together probably.

and friday we have to get Mac's bed into our apartment somehow and then get it into the truck so mom and dad can take it back to their house. i just hope it doesnt rain. jesus.

and sunday is the reynolds christmas which stan and i have done zero shopping for and have no planned to bring anything to eat either

im still trying to recover from drinking on saturday i got too drunk and have felt like hell for days now.

i'm done with my pokemon game and need to start the other one so i can have something to do.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

long time no posty

I have been ridiculously distracted by Pokemon Sun... I beat the game but there are quests after you beat it so i'm doing that now.

It has rained enough in the past few days to cancel the ban on burning stuff in Alabama.

I really dont have anything to talk about but pokemon.

the team i beat the elite four with is as follows:

and one other pokemon that i cant remember lololol

i've already changed my party since i beat the game so thats why i dont know.. bad memory and all

My Magnezone is bad ass. he kicks all the ass.

My favorite is either Leafeon or Gyarados.
I dont like Incineroar (the starter pokemon) because he is UGLY. so ugly. Litten was adorable but every evolution just got uglier and uglier.

i'm gonna go play pokemon now
i guess

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

It finally rained in Alabama

it rained in alabama. it rained like a mother fucker, too.
i'm playing pokemon off and on, i dont wanna play it too much.
I get sad when i finish games and I dont wanna get the sads if i finish it too soon. lol
I used a lot of my pokemon money to buy stuff to dress up my character and i am regretting it because i need the money for potions now =X but i will make it

the neighbors are letting their kids run around outside and they are making noise and it makes me mad.

I just ate pizza and it was delicious.

Miss Lilly has been all over me lately... she wants to nap on me all the time.
She and I have been fighting over the couch ... theres only room for one of us to sit down and he likes it. but i like it too. so she lays on me when i sit there lol.

okay i dont have much to say so i will stop now

Sunday, November 27, 2016


thanksgiving was okay. way too much food was cooked and the house was a disaster.
My nana and pawpaw came and nana was mostly okay ... i guess, I mean as okay as she could be. she fell asleep most of the time which is kind of normal for thanksgiving right? turkey makes people sleepy.

the food was really good and i'm surprised there wasnt more left over but since stan and i hung around all weekend i guess we helped eat up the food leftovers.

Stan did something amazing.. and he got my little brother to do black friday shopping (well, really it was thursday night and early friday morning) for him... and they snuck behind my back and got me a NEW nintendo 3DS and two pokemon games.. the new pokemon SUN and also pokemon X of the xy
I pretty much almost cried when Stan gave it to me on friday morning... I was pretty much speechless.

I never thought i would actually get it and Stan loves me and he got it for me.

So now i have to be super nice to him all the time lolol =P

We watched the Alabama Auburn Ironbowl game yesterday and all i can say is i'm glad alabama won.

we came home today (sunday) and now Stan and I are washing clothes and Stan has to go to the store for somethings we need around here.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Monday monday monday

this week is going to be a long one. so much to do before the holiday and then... gotta get through the holiday with people... not going to be fun at all.

Today I have put up the laundry  already...
and I need to unload the dishwasher.

I have started using Miss Lilly's instagram account again because she is worth it. end of discussion.
I need to practice clarinet but i am afraid to fuck up the healing of my mouth.

I need stan to get Miss Lilly some dry food and also the stuff for my chocolate chip cream cheese bake. and also a pecan pie for thursday.
I have to bake on wednesday. Stan also need to get the stuff to make his scotch eggs and find the time to make them before thursday. or on thursday. or something. I dunno.

Miss lilly is acting weird today.

I think there is food in the hole where my tooth was and i can't get it out and its going to get gross and possibly infected. =(

Last night I had a dream that a red truck without a driver was trying to run me over and kill me. it was really creepy and scared me.

I was watching CNN earlier and they had a guy on there who is 55 years old and playing college football. he is the oldest person to play football like that. so fucking cool.

I'm kind of out of things to say.
I feel really blank today.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

I guess We wont be going to the movies today

I feel overwhelmed because we have so much house work to do
the dishwasher is running and uses hot water so i cant get a shower in time
and then we have to wash clothes and carry them across the way to mac's apartment so we can dry them and then bring them back and put them up.
take out all the trash

anyways i just feel really overwhelmed by everything today for some reason

so no "fantastic beasts and where to find them" for me today

though if stan didnt want to go at 11am i might be okay but he wants to go so early and there's just no time

they're still showing harry potter on slingtv all day today so i will be watching that which is just as good probably i mean... i am pretty sure i wont be in love with the new fantastic beasts movie as much as harry potter. it probably wont feel as magical to me. so maybe its better if i just wait for it to come out on blueray in a few months or a year or so.
then again if we hear its really good we can still go next week or anytime. really. its not like today is the only day we can go.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Saturday and Sunday

Today I woke up early because Its impossible for me to sleep in on the weekends apparently. lol
which is funny because I can sleep in during the week just fine =P

I got up and did my usual routine: took my meds, started my journal for the day, and the daily log i keep. I fed Miss Lilly and drank some water.
then i turned on SlingTV and checked the freeform channel and discovered that they are showing all the Harry Potter movies ALL DAY LONG... and i got up early enough to start with the first one! so now i get to watch harry potter all day.

Today my mom and dad are going an Alabama football game.  My dad has never been to one so that is going to be very exciting for him.. I am excited for him. The game is at 6pm or so so they have to wait all day in anticipation lol
Tonight there is a local band playing at the Druid City tap room and Stan wants to go and I want to go but the band doesnt start until 8pm and I am usually in bed by then.... but I hope I can stay up and go. because its an all instrumental band which is right up my alley.

Tomorrow is sunday and we should do laundry ... or maybe do it today on saturday.

But our big plan for tomorrow is to go see "Fantastic Beasts and where to find them" because I love Harry Potter world.

I forgot to mention that Stan bought me Finding Dory even though I didn't think he would. =)

so i am lounging in the living room and watching this movie... these movies... all day. theres commercials but that's okay. i dont think they cut anything out just added commercial breaks. even if they did cut stuff out i would be okay with that. i am just glad i'm getting to watch the movies before seeing the "new" movie.
though I feel like I should watch Finding Dory because he bought it but I can't pause the harry potter marathon so I gotta keep watching it.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

well that was a huge waste of time

went through all the effort to get pretty for the my therapist appointment, and when i got there they decided today was the day i needed to have brought in my proof of income-- which i do not have . and so my visit would be either $44 or $160 or some shit... and even when i do bring in my household income (stan's pay check shit) they will probably want to charge me the full amount because stan makes a good bit of money. atleast compared to the usual people they have going to this place.

so i pretty much just cancelled my therapist appointment and any future appointments except with my nurse practitioner who does my meds. and i will hopefully have my proof of income by them or get charged a bazzilion dollars for that at the same time.

and this is made worse by my inability to get on stan's health care because blah blah blah shit idont wanna talk about.

my tooth extraction site hurts and its making me sad and grumpy

all i've eaten today is ice cream and i need to save the rest of it and i am waiting on stan to come home and make me mac and cheese. because i am a helpless baby laying in bed with a tooth ache.

my day was made worse by my attempt to go to Target for holiday washi tape (which they had) and i was going to get it and i was evening standing in line and this lady two persons ahead of me was having a fight with the cashier about over charging and coupons and shit and i stood there for about 5 minutes and then just put my thing down and walked out of there. i cant handle shit like that. people irritate me to no end i want to punch them in the face.

maybe my tooth hurting didnt help the fact either but still..

so i got pretty and went to the therapist and didnt' see the therapist and cancelled my appointment and made sure they still have me down for december with Connie (nurse prac) and went to Target and failed to get anything because people are stupid now I am at home and waiting for this paid medication to start working.

Today is therapyyy

Yesterday my dental appointment went almost perfectly. Like.... it was perfect. I didn't feel any pain and they were very careful to make sure I was comfortable the entire time.
I love my dentist. he is really really good.

I also have had good conversations with the dental hygienist assistant people too. he seems to have a good set up of good people working for him.

My tooth extraction was bleeding a bit more than i wanted it to yesterday and it was getting paranoid but i think it is okay.

Today I have therapy and i get to meet my new therapist--- i hate getting thrown off onto new therapist like this but Tara really cant see me anymore since she got her promotion. I don't know how much longer I will be using Indian Rivers so worst case scenario I have to get to know even another new therapist/psych AGAIN when i change where i go to the doctor in a few months. blaaaah.

Stan is babying me like crazy and is driving me insane lol but I know i love it just... its blahhh

i'm having some pain in the socket area  in my mouth where they pulled the tooth.
all i can eat is soft food like ice cream and shit.. which is annoying for me because i usually snack on fruit loops all day long.

we got a letter on the the door this  morning that kids have been destroying flower beds and hitting cars with stuff and i'm just like "THANK GOD" because these kids next door run wild outside and i have literally saw them digging up the yard and throwing rocks at cars and carrying big sticks around doing god knows what.
It would be different if there was an adult watching them but there isn't. they don't have anybody watching them and these kids are like. 4-7 years old... way too young to be running around a bad community like this by themselves.

i am going to maybe dress up nice for my therapist appointment today because I never get to dress up for anything. of course my idea of dressing up isnt really dressing up lol

here have some gifs

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Dentist todayyy

I'm really nervous about my dental appointment. I have a tiny mouth (the dentist told me so) and i just can't imagine how they're going to get the tools in the back of my mouth to pull that last molar on the top like... my mouth doesn't open up that much. and if they cant get it it might be a surgical thing which will cost a fuck ton more and i dont want it to happen but i wont have any choice once its going down.
I have an anti anxiety medication (ativan) to take at 10:30am and i have to get a shower and eat before that.
 they want me to get there about 30 minutes before the procedure and they will probably tell me to take another pill

its was nice and chilly this morning which makes me wanna wear my boots and stuff maybe i will wear tights and boots and a flannel shirt today to the dentist... it would be a waste of a nice outfit though considering i'm getting teeth pulled.

I'm getting to watch CNN all day like a loser lol i love it.
Sling TV is awesome except for it crashes a lot

I might try to sneak in a clarinet practice this morning because i dont wanna miss a day of practice =X

Miss Lilly has been rubbing her face on Herc's harness that we have laying out here because we cant put it away yet so I just moved it to her perch on the window so she can have it whenever she misses him.

i guess i will save my poptarts to eat before my medicine and all that.
anyways just waiting this out this morning and getting ready... getting a tooth pulled. for the first time. an adult tooth. a molar. okay. yeah.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I have two appointments this week

One appointment on wednesday (tomorrow) for the dentist to get one of my teeth pulled because theres soo much decay and they cant save it.

And then thursday I have an appointment at IndianRivers with my therapist who is going to be introducing me to my NEW therapist that i will be seeing instead of her (my current therapist got a promotion and doesnt have time to see people for therapy anymore, sadly)

I'm watching CNN on the SlingTV thing Stan got for me. it crashes but its okay.

on monday and tuesday Stan got up at the asscrack of dawn to go in and shadow Alex for the morning edition.. because Stan will have to do it sometime soon i guess.
he gets up at like... 3am? i dont even know
but he gets home around 1pm or so

Apparently Finding Dory is out on blueray now so that is something i might want. maybe. i dunno. it was okay but it not worth buying when we have to be careful about our money.

i'm scared that going to the dentist is going to make us lose all of our money
or that because i'm married Indian Rivers will not let me go there for free anymore.
and since i cant get on stan's insurance after alll i dont know what is going to happen to me with that

I havent even though about thanksgiving or christmas yet... i need to start gathering addresses for christmas cards. though hopefully we can give most christmas cards in person at the family christmas. i cant believe they are having my family christmas at the place i had my wedding reception lol.. i guess they liked the place when they went.

i have no money to buy christmas presents this year and i dont know what to do about it.
i think this christmas might be a giftless christmas for the most part. too much bad shit has happened and i dont want anybody to waste any money on me. i already know they are and i hate it i dont deserve any gifts i just want things that are stupid. i mean i need a new cell phone kind of but i can make it without this one just fine for a while longer. i want a nintendo 3DS but i dont think its happening and i would rather the money go towards my teeth.

i have started talking to mom about what we need to do and get together for thanksgiving next week... kinda snuck up on me here. i can bake the cream cheese thing or cookies or maybe a pie and i could make green bean casserole maybe?

I need to get comfortable in the kitchen again though... might need to bake something for stan to get into the swing of it

Stan came home and talked my ear off for an hour or so. lots to do about moving out of this apartment and in with my parents... so much to do... i am overwhelmed.. i am going to try really hard to be  on top of things as much as i can but... i still have depression going on.. and i dont know how much i can do

Now we are watching StarWars thanks to Sling TV its on a channel they give so wooo..

Friday, November 11, 2016


so I havent updated in a while
on tuesday I had my dentist appointment and I have to get two teeth pulled =( they are unsalvageable.
however, the other cavities are apparently not a big deal and easy fixes.
also the dentist was impressed by how straight my teeth are and I had to tell him i had braces before lol.. but i didnt wear my retainer so... i dont know.. he said i had beautiful teeth despite my cavities. so that made me smile

i also think my dentist is a flaming homosexual but that makes me like him even more.

i have been sleeping alot because i just feel nothing worth being awake for. i watched so much election coverage and now i want to watch the news all the time and they arent running it consistently but theres enough to see if i wait through the ads they show between the content.. i'm talking about cbsnews here they have been online most of the day since before the election. i think they do a lot of online streaming news thought so it might be a normal thing for them. i dunno.

i'm eating a lot of fruitloops and trying to watch some greys anatomy i'm slowing working my way through the bulk of the seasons again.. because i wanna refresh my memory on everything before they add the new stuff to netflix

stan is getting me pizza of some kind tonight so thats nice
we should find something to watch together while we eat we rarely watch anything together anymore

Monday, November 7, 2016

Monday and weekend recap

sooo... we went grocery shopping on friday even though I had a massive toothache and wanted to die.

on saturday we got up pretty early kind of... and took showers and got ready and went up to mom and dads for the game. Dad grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and mom made her delicious dip that she makes and Lauren and David showed up and Lauren had a cake with her.
I watched half of the football game but it was a late game and I was getting sleepy. also I couldn't get comfortable in that damn chair i was sitting in outside.

I wore my troy clarinet jersey saturday because i wanted to be in troy.

Alabama won against LSU of course.. i was scared they might not but I am glad they did.

we woke up early on sunday and came back home because we had to do two loads of laundry on sunday before Mac got home.

today is monday and I am a little pissed because stan didn't wake me up before he went to work but he claims he was being nice so i guess its ok

on wednesday i have my dentist appointment and i am really hoping they can get me back in sooner rather than later after the initial appointment for xrays and shit.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

wednesday nov 2

so today I have had multiple attacks of pain with my teeth and I got stan to call and make an appointment and the earliest they can see me in the 9th at noon so atleast i have a day to count down to. they will just make an assessment and do xrays so nothing will really get fixed on that day but i have to be an adult and keep my shit together somehow when it feels like my head is splitting open on my jawline
i can barely get fluids down to keep hydrated and eating is hard too

Tonight Stan is going with Mac and one of their favorite interns to a cigar shop to pick out something nice to celebrate Mac getting engaged. after that Stan is coming home and we are supposed to go grocery shopping finally. we have a lot to get when we finally go..
We would've went last night but my teeth were hurting so bad i couldn't do anything
i hope today is better. it needs to be better

in other news i really like this pen my mother gave me and i want more of them
Bic Veloctity 1.6 they write good and dark and dry fast.. they smear but not that much dry faster than most other pens of the same kind

i need to find something to do to distract me from the pain but i am coming up empty handed here
i want to eat but it hurt my teeth

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

It's Tea Tuesday and also dinner with my parents

Today is tea tuesday yall

just saying--- thats black tea btw. not coffee.. psshhh

also today we are having dinner with my parents so Stan can give my dad the tickets to the Alabama game cause dad has never been to an Alabama game and its just one more thing we wanna do for him.

i had a really really bad tooth ache this morning. like so bad i was crying hysterically and heaving and coundnt breathe and stan had to sit there and watch me and it was really REALLY EMBARRASSING.. like the worst thing ever. =( =( =(

I took a shower and I feel better I just hope my teeth dont hurt anymore today
thats all i hope for

we have a shopping list for after pay day and now is the time.... but i dont know if we will do it today considering my morning feels with my teeth i am really exhausted. being in severe pain is exhausting, it really is. i had to take a nap after it stopped...and i wasnt even sleep before.


and so...

now the next holiday is thanksgiving


Monday, October 31, 2016

Weekend recap and monday morning

So this past weekend I went to mom and dad's on friday morning because i had been laying around here being miserable for too long and I needed to see my parents.
I stopped at dollar tree on the way and got some deodorant and razors and snacks for the weekend.
when I got there mom was in fayette but gordon and dalton were home.. Gordon told me some funny stories about his work at the toll bridge and we talked about what he was gonna do with Krista regarding them moving somewhere. And then mom came home and she brought delicious smoke chicken wings for us to eat that night.

so we sat around.. and eventually mom finally got around to telling me about what all had happened with Nana and her doctor this past time... and apparently they almost went ahead and signed off on her to be put away because she is being so ridiculous.  but mom stopped it from happening completely because she isnt sure she is ready yet she wants to have a chance or two left i guess.. and even if nana gets put away in a  home, pawpaw is gonna need to stay in that house for another year or so to make everything okay for the re-sale of it property. thankfully pawpaw is okay with hired nurses coming to check on him daily unlike nana.. the only reason nana cant keep living at home is she wont take her meds right and accuses any nurse or home help people of stealing from her because she is paranoid as hell... they never got her paranoia under control with the rest of her symptoms so its just really really bad.

on saturday dad had to work so it was just me and mom.
 mom and i fought gordon for the TV in the livingroom (gordon was playing halo online but was going to work eventually anyway) so.... we watched some interesting football games. nothing as good as alabama obviously.. but it was okay. i wanted to watch something.
mom and i went to the convenience store Crossroads and got chicken tenders and potato wedges for lunch and i didn't finish all of mine because i was so full from the potatos.. which is okay.. and then saturday night when dad got home mom made cube steak and gravy and sauteed onions and mashed potatoes and homemade biscuits. it was really really good.

on sunday i went to church with mom because dad had to work and they didn't have a normal service it was just this group of guys playing guitar and singing... so that was okay. we did sing two hymns as a congregation though so that made me feel better. i like singing, even though i'm not any good at it.

after church we went to big al's with pawpaw and had lunch . i got the small personal pan pizza... pepperoni pizza. was SO FUCKING GOOD. i can't even explain how good it was. jesus. i ate the whole thing
went back to the house and i took a small nap and when i woke up i packed up and left for the apartment...
but i stopped at dollar tree again on the way back into town for more snacks and a drinks because i was thirsty. for a cherry limeade sparkling water that was so so good but it upset my stomach a lot... but it was delicious and didnt hurt my teeth to drink so i was happy

stan spent a lot of time with me last night and i got caught up on my planner and everything.
went to bed around my usual time.

this morning we got up around 7am. (i turned my 6am alarm off)
stan had to get me to jump his car off this morning so he can go to the store for a new battery and hopefully the place will install it for him too cause if not there's going to be a problem.

i'm going to try and stay relatively calm here at the apartment all day, though i am getting worried we might have trick or treaters because we decorated and i dont have any candy for them =( i might have to go to the store for something to hand out

Monday, October 24, 2016

monday monday monday

i can't not post cute things i'm sorry lol

thats weird i'm pretty sure i updated my blog when we got home with some more stuff in that last post and there's nothing there.
nothing saved in the drafts either. wtf
oh well

so we are back to the weekly grind.
which means i watch netflix and clean house and play pokemon and eat everything in sight. pretty much. lol
i'm re watching the latest season of greys anatomy to get caught up and settled for when they put the new stuff up. other wise i'm watching House over and over again because i can. and i love it.

i'm jouraling a lot and i keep my planner pretty...
Miss Lilly has been loving on me a lot

I think I got the crud so I am taking some dayquil...

been eating fruit loops all morning. and string cheese.
need to charge my vape pen.
i have a lavender  scented candle burning right now

it sucks not being able to wash clothes whenever i want to but this also puts us on a a schedule of sorts so that is okay in a way.

i love my tiny gifs for the holidays
... i posted about my blog on the facebook for the first time in a long time i wonder who will start reading?? lol
i'm boring but i'm here

Sunday, October 23, 2016

mini vacay blog post number 2

i drank most of a second bottle of wine and some other liquor and got ridiculously drunk, was so hung over the next day i couldn't do anything hardly. ruined the vacay pretty much.

but we went to the bay and i put my feet in the water and got some stones that were in the water and they are pretty.
we got fresh sea food from the gulf at a little restaurant there next to the bay.
stan babied me while i was hung over and i love him very much for taking care of me.

we came home a little early because i was worried about my cat.. i left her here alone for two nights and i dont usually do that.
we stopped and got sonic on the way home.. boneless wing and mozzarella cheese sticks.

i'm glad to be home.

Friday, October 21, 2016

mini vacay post number one

I'm at the hotel while Stan interviews a guy for his job. I'm watching CNN and drinking wine and journaling. Stan is going to order pizza and we might go to the pool. I went down there and put my feet in and it's not that cold even for mid October.
it's been nice to relax and get away from our normal surroundings.

I've made it through one bottle of wine and I don't feel anything so I'm guessing I'm building up a tolerance to alcohol. which sucks because I have to either drink more wine and get a tummy ache really fast... or try to talk Stan into getting harder liquor in small amounts. which is unlikely. so I will just have to suffer through severe indigestion all the time.

so excited about the pizza... getting a custom sauce on the pizza. and my favorite toppings. I love my man.

now im gonna journal and wait for Stan...

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

its tuesday right? lol

so yeah... therapy yesterday.. was okay... we drank on sunday and i was ridiculously hung over so i was really sloppy and wanted to get the fuck out of there as fast as possible.

i changed my name at the mental health clinic.. my therapist tried to pull up my file and was like "whats...going on" and i was all like "oh yeah i just changed my name up front lol"

today stan took his car in to get the air bag fixed on his side and they had the stuff to do both sides (there was a recall on the air bags) so he went in and they drove him back here and we went to walmart for him to get medicine because he is sick and also he got chicken wings and a pizza for me.
now we have just eaten lunch early and are watching something on netflix
i really want a cigarette but i dont need to be driving right now

i changed my name somewhere.. though ... thats cool. Mrs. Tabitha Leigh Ingold
Mrs. Ingold.

but on sunday we played poker and drank... i drank wine and then tequila and i was so drunk and i felt like shit so bad.. really really bad.. i hate tequila.. i really really hate it. i never want to drink it again. i hadn't drank tequila in years and i never want to do it again.

i have therapy in november and it will be a joint session with my new therapist.. cause Tara is quitting doing therapy and i have to adjust to a new therapist... i am not looking forward to it at all.. i have change.. and i hate having to explain myself to new people.
Tara made me realize that if i see a new psychiatrist they might not offer therapy along with their psych stuff so i might not get anybody to talk to.. some psychiatrist dont let you talk a lot and i need to talk because i dont have any friends. so i might need to find a therapist on the side along with a psychiatrist when i get on stan's health care.

we are watching a show on netflix that has kelso and hyde from "that 70s show" in a role where they are brothers on a ranch and its really funny.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

got my name changed today

the social security office place is hell... like... really bad really really bad
my mom came and got me and we went and waited forever
after that mom and i went to Arby's and had lunch and then she dropped me off at home
I went to walmart after that and got candy corn for more candy corn peanut mix

I am excited about having my name changed. now we have to go to the driver license place and get a new license ... but we need to wait until we know where we will be living cause the address is going to change and i dont wanna get a new drivers license with the apartment address and then we move out of the apartment and its invalid

it looks like i might go with stan to fairhope next weekend when he goes for work we are going to make a weekend of it so i will finally get a weekend away in a hotel
i should start packing now!!! haha

i'm really addicted to candy corn and peanuts

i've started watching greys anatomy again and i'm catching up on all the episodes i've put off watching

we are planning on going to the Kentuck arts and crafts festival in town saturday morning and heading over to alex and sagens after that that to watch the alabama vs tennessee game in the afternoon.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

game day was fun and so is today

suck a ding dong and a ching chang chong
we know we aint kids no mores
(random song mish mash from a song thats popular.. i cant understand what the lyrics really are so i just make random noises instead)

i wore some of my jewelry for game day...
yesterday we went to Little Italy for pizza ... I had two slices of pizza one pepperoni and a one mushroom
then we went to the salvation army thrift store in northport and looked around... everything there is so much more expensive than tuscaloosa and they have a lot less... they did have some cat figurines but none of them were white.
then we went to dollar tree in northport for garlic powder and ended up buying candy corn and tampons and some washi tape (very excited about getting some new washi)
then we went to big lots and ended up getting some potato chips for really cheap (they're kettle cooked so they're awesome)
while we were there we both left our phones in the car and i was scared i lost mine in the store because sometimes when i have my phone in my hand i will randomly set it on a shelf while i'm looking at stuff and yeah... i'm bad about losing my phone lol

FINALLY it was time to go to Alex and Sagen's house. we were gonna go earlier but they messaged us and told us they werent ready for people to come over. so we had time to waste.

we got to their apartment before they were back from the store but they told us the back door was unlocked so we went in before they got there.
i didn't drink anything for most of the game. but eventually stan let me have two beers. My cookies went over well and everybody loved stan's scotch eggs. the country style ribs were devoured... one guy ate three in a row and then he had the meat sweats. it was so funny.
Katherine (one of our friends) locked her knees and passed out in the middle of a sentence and hit her head. it was really scary, i didn't see it happen but they said her head his the edge of the cement patio and it made a loud cracking noise.
I tried eating peanuts and candy corn mixed together and it was delicious... it tastes like a payday candy bar!

i didnt really eat anything but candy and my sea salt cracker pepper kettle corn chips that we bought and took to the thing. Stan went and bought me cigarettes so now i have my own cigarettes to smoke. (i wanna try to save them for social gatherings with the group because they all smoke and it feels weird to not be able to smoke)
The Alabama game was good as usual...  also... the Tennessee games was good too. Tennessee almost came back and did their winning thing but they failed this time. which made Alex sad.
we stayed until the end of the game and then a little bit longer.

Today i got up early... started laundry.. and went to dollar tree for poptarts (they have three kinds at dollar tree, sometimes four) and laundry detergent.

after stan got up we went to the chinese buffett and  i ate a lot... i even tried tiny octopus and frog legs!
then we went to walmart and got some groceries and stan bought me a nice shirt (a reward for eating weird food, lol)
Stan also got me razors, face powder, caffeine, prilosec. He takes good care of me. I love him.

I came home and tried to read and only got 20 pages into my newest book ... Revival by Stephen King.. and then i had to take a nap.
i slept for like two or three hours. slept like a rock.
i've been trying to get the laundry through the dryer but its taking multiple dryings for each load.
now we are watching Malcolm in the Middle from the beginning and its hilarious as hell.

I finally got past my road block in pokemon because gordon looked it up and told me what to do.. so now when i'm bored i can play my pokemon game.

gotta stay up an eat a take my meds and try to get the laundry done somehow... bahhh.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

weekly grind

stan has to work late tonight because of the vice presidential debate this evening.
so i'm sticking it out here all day.. gonna have frozen pizza for lunch and dinner probably... but these little frozen pizzas we have been getting are really good so that makes me happy.

i think i might watch the debate here myself just because its history in the making and i know stan is watching it too so its like we are watching it together, lol
i have no idea who the VP people are all i have heard is trump and clinton nobody really cares about the VP people i think.. cause the presidential candidates are so out there

i went shopping and bought peanut butter cookie mix and hershey kisses to make the cookies this weekend. and i got baby wipes (because i love them and use them for everything like taking off make up and cleaning shit) and q-tips and aluminum pans to take food to Alex and Sagen's house this weekend.

i've spent most of today talking to Sagen so that gives me something to do. thats cool.

i need to journal a lot to keep myself occupied.

Sagen said there might be around 7 people at her house this weekend... so i think i will buy something else dessert like that isnt peanut butter-ish to balance out what i'm taking. maybe just sugar cookies with icing from walmart.

its fun being all domesticated and shit.

7 people is a lot for me to handle so i hope stan gets his medicine refilled ... he will need it too probably.

i have had some really weird dreams lately but they are tolerable nothing that is giving me problems during the day

we might be meeting my mom and dad at red lobster for endless shrimp on thursday after stan gets back from leeds for his reporter thing

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Alabama homecoming feast

today we had our Alabama homecoming feast. food was good as usual. dad smoked some meat.
the game to watch to day wasn't the bama game though... the Tennessee vs Georgia game was so exciting even I was into it. it came down to the last second. was such a good game.

Lauren and David came last minute and Lauren cooked the chocolate chip cream cheese bake that I usually make and it was good but not as good as mine. but I will say it was good enough that I ate two servings lol

I drank a bottle of wine and most of a beer and that was enough. wine doesn't do much for me but that's okay. meds do the rest. lol

tomorrow we will wait for homecoming traffic to leave town and then go home. hopefully everything is fine at the apartment. like hopefully my car tag is still there and Shit. I swear if they steal the tag from the same car twice they have serious issues...

updating on my phone is a Bitch but I needed to do it.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

back at the apartment

things seem okay

stan and i went grocery shopping for some of the things that we need here at the apartment...

stan got me delicious pizza
i'm feeling pretty good

miss lilly is happy to be home
stan did so much house work while i was gone i am so amazed i cant believe he did all this work
i have to find some way to thank him tee hee

the pizza stan got me was from pizza hut and they apparently have the option the have other sauces other than marinara and i he got me some other sauce that didnt have marinara and omg it was so much easier on my stomach i am in heaven with this delicious pizza

we are trying to plan out our week and he is going to go to HR on tuesday to see about getting me on his dental so i can get my teeth taken care of... i am so grateful he care enough to do that for me. i need this pain to go away. i can barely think sometime because it hurt so bad

also on tuesday i have therapy with tara so i can finally tell her everything that has happened ... so much has happened

on friday we are going to go to my parents house for the the weekend because the football game is here this weekend and its homecoming so that will make everybody crazy
miss lilly better get used to traveling in the car lol

Friday, September 23, 2016

staying with my parents while things get taken care of

apartment issues got to me so i went to stay with my parents for a few days
i got to go to fayette to visit my nana and pawpaw and while my mother regrets letting me go it was tolerable for most of the time. my nana is being really... not good right now. it makes being around her almost impossible. we had lunch with pawpaw and charles cafeteria and i had hamburger steak with gravy and onions

my teeth hurt so bad all the time i dont know what to do
i cant do anything without feeling this ache in my teeth... just sitting here breathing makes my teeth hurt

i'm close to finishing up in my pink jounral ive been writing in in since april.. so its about time to finish.. i had been so depressed that i hadnt written much in there this year and there fore havent filled up my journal as fast as i should have

jesus my teeth hurt so baddddd i dont know what to do

i miss stan and the situation that has me away from the apartment have me really sad with myself and i dont know what to do
i just think.. maybe.. i wish i wasnt paranoid but i am and i cant help it.. paranoia is a big deal for people like me. i cant.. i dont know.. i feel hopeless and afraid things will never be the same again and i dont know what to do because i cant make the feelings go away

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Back at mom and dads

due to some unforseen circumstances Stan and I came back to my parents house last night. I will be staying here in definitely until we get some things taken care of at the apartment.
today was interesting... despite some really bad drama this morning with the apartment complex manager...
I ended up going to town with my brother and his girlfriend Krista. we went all over town for Pokemon go stuff and then to the vape shops. I got a new filter and bought my very first juice for my vape all on my own. kind of.
also had to stop and visit somewhere for Krista and her tidying up her late fathers accounts and business.
then we went to Walmart so I could get caffeine. and then Gamestop and then home.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

So I'm married now--- and someone stole my car tag while we were gone

I'm so pissssseddddd. my car tag was stolen from my car while we were gone to get married. I can't even leave my car at this place without somebody doing shit to it.

anyways the wedding was okay.

the reception the next day was okay.
the after party was the best.
my dad partied so hard it was almost embarrassing lol

and then we had to recover from the drinking... or i did. i drank too much and slept all day sunday
most of monday too honestly

on monday stan cooked more meat for the people at work

and today we came back and found my car tag gone.
i had a feeling something would happen to my car while we were gone so i am not that surprised but i am still super pissed.

now we have money to buy my nintendo 3ds
and pokemon xy

i have an upset stomach because i ate too much ham sandwiches

i am back at home and i can watch house all day again

miss lilly is glad to be home she is sleeping on her perch in the window

i have had a lot of BMs since the reception which is good because i usually have trouble going when i eat a lot

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Anxiety is rising

We are at my parents house and cooking the Boston butt on the smoker.  Stan is making his sauce and such and I have to stay out of the way because my anxiety is so bad.
I keep playing pokemon to distract myself.
I need to get my hair cut before Friday and my mom can do that for me but I need to wash my hair so it's straight...  I have it braided and the lengths of the hair would be off if she cut it dry.

Deep breaths.

Gotta keep it together.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

lots of stuff is about to happen

so much is happening in the next few days i am on auto pilot my anxiety level is at the max and i am trying to cope with it in any way possible.

today i was really anxious until i took my buspar and laid down but its just.. i get antsy and i dont know what to do about it

today stan and i have went shopping for some last minute things we need... or needed. for ourselves. and the reception.
i have packed most of my clothes and i cant pack my personal hygiene products until after i get ready tomorrow so lol...

today i played pokemon pearl that i restarted and i caught shiny geodude!!! i am so excited!!! its really hard and rare to get a shiny pokemon and yayayayayayyayyayayy.

today we last minute got dressed and went to Krista's dad's viewing at the funeral home near our house. Krista is my sister because she and gordon have been dating for so long... four years? a really long time. and yeah so.. we had to go.

that just added to the death of this week.. Hercules and Krista's Dad
and then on friday i'm getting married!!
two funerals and a wedding

Monday, September 5, 2016

RIP Hercules

please keep us in your thoughts... stan had to put down his dog on sunday and its really hard on him and me.
more so on him-- i mean he has to known him forever. Hercules lived to be 19 years old. thats like 200 in human years. he lived a long and wonderful life and i am just really glad he isnt hurting anymore. he went downhill really fast and i'm glad he is in a better place now.

stan and i have slept alot and been really quiet. stan got upset and decided to start cooking food and he made some really good chicken. but now we are ready to drown in food and i want pizza because i am addicted to pizza.

i had a weird feeling that Hercules would pass on right around the time we were going to get married. I'm not sure why but i had had that feeling for months, and it ended up being right.

now we have to get thing on lock down for marriage and reception.
i am not looking foreward to all the possible drama that is coming with this reception.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

A few things to note

I have stopped taking latuda (for bipolar depression and schizophrenia) because the bastards won't send me my medication when I call it in and I'm tired of fighting them for it.  End of discussion.  Plus my doctor lady had recently suggested that it might not be doing that much for me considering how depressed I still am  so I think its not that far off from what they'd expect anyway.

Also I skipped therapy today because I was asleep all day. Without the latuda I have trouble sleeping so we got my melatonin again.  And I took what I took back in the day and it was apparently too much because I slept all fucking day. Good deep sleep though.  I'm skipping it tonight and trying a lower dose later.

Tonight I was really  nauseated and had to vomit.  Which is lovely. 
I haven't really read  any of my book today so I feel like a lazy sob.

I almost never skip therapy so I just want everybody to know that that's kind of big deal for me.
But last time I saw  her my therapist was kind of trying to talk me out of getting married and that shit ain't gonna fly yall.  Nope.

Stan bought me a pokemon shirt with Pikachu on it.  I am so happy.
Running out of things to say.  Thank God for autocorrect on this tablet.
It's just stormed for the first time in days and that makes me happy.
I think I'm going to start a new pokemon rom game soon not sure what game I wanna play but I need something to distract me.

Monday, August 29, 2016

saturday and sunday and monday

Saturday was the pub event with APR .. it was okay and I think I did okay. We all went out to eat after wards at Hokkaido and we ran into my parents and brother there. which was kind of weird and definitely unexpected.
I slept through sunday completely. I was so tired from doing so much saturday night.
I dont even remember... just... i was so out of it. It was like sunday never happened.

today i woke up in a really bad mood and i dont know why..
i spent most of today in bed reading a book... lady smut books lol

its so early... i feel like days take forever to pass. it makes me depressed.. i have nothing to do all day. it drives me insane.

I started reading more of the fantasy/sci-fi book i am reading and its getting really good. i get annoyed when something interrupts me while i'm reading it though.. lol i guess you could call that the bookwormgrumpies

Friday, August 26, 2016

Today was a big day

today we went to the courthouse and applied for our marriage license. we were luck we got there when we did because after us came a truck load of people who wanted to get the same thing and i'll be damned if i had to wait in line that long... so luck was on our side!

it turn 11:11 while we were signing the stuff and that made me happy... 11:11 is one of my things....
I wanted to have the reception at 3:33 but the timing is not exact for that.. so we just said 3.

So now we are half way to being married

after that we went to Pearl Garden and had lunch with my mom... i had some delicious Orange chicken and two scoops of fried rice and and egg rolls.. needless to say i am STUFFED from that even now at 8 pm

Mom gave me some of her vape juice so i am okay to go.. she gave me a sample of her strawberries and cream... and also something that should taste like mountain dew baja flavor.. whatever that is..
i hope its good cause i dont wanna have to go to the store since we decided not to go today.

The book i'm reading that sci-fi has started getting good and i am excited about it...but i feel bad because the book is over 700 pages and its a big book with small print and that is going to take me along time to read
and i'm 9 books behind on my reading goal for 2016
but i have these trash novels to read instead in the mean time.. i guess i will read those when i need something to speed read and get my book count up... and read the stuff i want when i want to be actually entertained.

i waited until this evening to post on facebook about our marriage license and a lot of people are liking and commenting...
i just hope everything goes well on the 10th..
and we have the 9th to get through. before the 10th... i need to find something to wear to the counseling and also to the tiny little ceremony we are having to go through to get it done.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

"it's all happening"

so time is coming up on the reception and we are getting things together slowly but surely.
on friday stan and i are going to the courthouse to get the papers
also on friday stan is going to take me to  a shop to get ejuice for my vape cause i'm running low

saturday there is an event with APR that i am going to attend (which i am saving my cigarettes for lol)
and its at Druid City Brewing its the Put the Pub in Public Radio
and Sagen will be there so I have someone to talk to.. that is the best thing. if she wasnt going i wouldn't go
it wont  be a long event so i think i can handle it
then there may or maynot be something going on after that at alex and sagen's house
it would be nice to play  cards against humanity.. i haven't played in a while and since my medicine is good that would be awesome to do

we have decided to get married officially on sept 9th so that is the day. 9/9
the preacher wont marry us without having a meeting with us before the event
a kind of counseling
so i guess that is okay... i guess
i didnt really want that but its so hard to find a person to marry us that we have to do what we have to do.

i did some laundry today

apparently my Nana was in the hospital today and i don't know why

So about the reception

its happening at the Lion's club next to the school..
it's an "i do" BBQ so there is barbeque and i wanted stuff for people who don't like what is smoked or grilled so we have decided to get some chicken tenders that are breaded
and My cousin april asked about bringing stuff and I suggested Mac and Cheese for the kiddos and people who don't want potato salad  baked beans.. rolls of bread obviously
from the looks of it i will probably be eating chicken tenders and mac and cheese myself, ya know? lol

 Stan's friend from work Jennifer is going to make our cake as the wedding gift to us.. I want two tier.. purple flowers green ivy and the triskele  on the top in gold.

speaking of gold i have those gold heels to wear

its all happening man... i'm getting married.

Monday, August 22, 2016

a quiet monday night

stan and i are having a quiet monday night literally.. its super quiet. lol

today i unloaded the dishwasher and put up the clothes in the dryer
i took out the trash in the bathroom and i checked the mail.
i moved my car because there is a bird that sits in the tree same spot every day and just shits on my car. over and over
its ridiculously annoying.
like this bird does nothing but sits and shits on my car..


the reception is coming up really soon and i'm starting to get nervous about just about everything ever.
what happens when this and that and what ..... i am scared for a few reasons
1. Chloe might be overwhelmed by my cousin's kids
2. Martin might get shat on by everybody because he will be the only black guy there. BUT I NEED HIM THERE OKAY. DAMN IT. END OF DISCUSSION.
3. my family might bring booze and this is a not liquor event (unfortunately)
4. my family is insanely loud and weird

i have decided to save money and wear a dress i already have so that is good. plus it looks like me and and feels good to wear... i'm gonna wear my boots with ... wait wait wait.. i bought those gold shoes i need to wear them haha yessss.. "in" gold get it

i hope my medication adjustment is working i dont want to be a depressed slob anymore... i hate myself for being so slobbish  there is so much i need to do in the apartment to clean and i am getting overwhelmed thinking about it.... eeeep

i haven't played pokemon in a while and neither has stan.. so that is making me sad.. i wish he would charge is tablet so he could play it again.

we bought eggs at dollar tree!!! 18 eggs for $1 medium sized eggs and they are delicious i ate a fuck ton of eggs today and also a grilled cheese sandwich. and some cheeze its. though not the good cheeze its.... the best ones are baby swiss .... the normal ones are blah. and i ran out of baby swiss so i have to eat the normal ones for now..
tomorrow i will attempt to do more things and hope my medicine is working.

the bathtub/shower could use a good scrubbing and i should mop the floors.
.... i should really vacuum too

i need to kick my ass into house wife mode

i mean i'm gonna be a house wife right
i think
so i need to keep things tidy
and stop being a horrible slob

Sunday, August 21, 2016

sunday is laundry day

and wine day
i have drank a whole bottle already and its not even 4pm

i'm really bored

i could play pokemon but i dont really want to
and i also dont wanna read this book right now

Stan and I are playing words with friends and he is kicking my ass like.. hard

people keep asking me about the wedding and reception and i just dont have anything to tell them. there isnt anything to really say. we arent doing anything fancy and we are having trouble finding someone to marry us because the fucking courthouse doesnt do marriages anymore they just hand out the certificates and tell you to go somewhere else. piece of shit that is.

so now we have to find a person who can marry us
fucking shit

atleast i have my divorce papers right now and i hope i dont forget them because i have to have them to get married again
more stupid shit, in my opinion

i want more wine
but this is the last of it.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

getting shit done

in a sense. we have gotten one step closer to getting married. stan called the courthouse and we know now that i need my divorce papers with me to get married so that is that. mom got them immediately cause she is awesome. so next week we will get our certificate and after that we just need someone who can sign off on it or whatever they do

i have to start writing in invitations to our party soon the address for the lions club is weird so that bothers me  and makes me think it might not work with GPS but hopefully everything will go fine. lets hope i have a good hand writing day lol god knows my hand writing has been shit lately

I'm reading lots of books. cheap trashy lady romance books. but i love it an they are quick reads for me.
its just like.. i read the books and i gotta know what happens so i keep reading.

I went to my appointment with the lady who gives me my meds and she reluctantly increased my prozac... so hopefully we will see improvement soon. I just can't lay in bed like this anymore.

stan is on his way home... he is stopped and getting CHICKEN For DINNER.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Stan and I are going to be pokemon masters!

Stan and I watch pokemon on tv then play pokemon for hours! this is our weekends..... grilled cheese and eggs and fruitloops and pokemon.
Stan cooked for me yesterday. made me eggs and grilled cheese!

I vape so much stan has started calling me the  VAPE QUEEN
lol so lame but okay
I dont obsess over my vapepen. i dont take photos of my smoke clouds... (yet)

I'm taking a break from pokemon at the moment while my ds charges and takes a break. i'm playing pokemon white 2 and its best on a 3ds but will play on a regular ds.... but it seems to lag up and stuff on the ds so i'm giving it a break. 

fruitloops are the shit man i can eat them all day 

I'm worried about Hercules.he has a seizure for the first time in ages yesterday... though he did snap out of it pretty fast so that was good.

Stan is watching youtube videos of people playing through pokemon and its hilarious. 

i'm reading the hell out of some Danielle Steel right now. gonna finish this book tonight and start  new one tomorrow.

Friday, August 12, 2016

happy friday or whatever it is people say

therapy is getting annoying...
My therapist is trying to convince me that i'm not ready to get married because i'm in a depressive episode right now. But she couldn't be more wrong.
I wanted to yell at her but i couldn't do such a thing. I just sat there in silence and nodded along with whatever she said. then she decided to tell me that this is the least responsive and most blank i've been with her since i've started seeing her.
I'm blank most days now. Or asleep.
I am reading books again. Sleezy Danielle Steel but still its a book and I can focus on it.. thought Steel is pretty easy reading. so that makes it better.. i need something to read that isn't so hard to handle.

I love the vape pen we bought from my mother. though i am sccared about when i have to change the filter because it seemed complicated and i dont want to fuck it up and then we have wasted the money and have nothing. i'm smoking one cigarette a day. sometimes two. which isnt that much less because i was only smoking about 4 a day before. but its better in the grand scheme of things i think.

i seem to have hit a roadblock with pokemon white 2 i need to pull up a walk through and see what the fuck is going on. i already changed my party since i last updated because i realized i needed a flying pokemon for sure. so i had to get rid of gigalith or whatever it was that huge rock pokemon. which made me sad but the other option was to keep him and get rid of electric or grass and i really really REALLY am into keeping all my bases covered. so i have a drifblim with some ghost moves and the ability to fly instead.

the real reason i am updating is to tell everyone that i got my computer screen fixed and i can use my computer to its fullest capacity again. before it was all fucked up and the screen looked like an acid trip but dad got the connector for the screen to the rest of it and installed it (because my dad is the shit, the best dad ever) and now i have my chromebook back and its lie brand new.

today is friday and stan needs to make a call so we can determine what day i will be going to  my parents house next week with the babies. also i have a meeting with Connie (the NPR that gives me my meds) on tuesday so i hope against hope it doesn't interfere with that because there isnt any way for me to get into seeing connie again any time soon. She has been on vacation for the past week and now she is back and taking all the people that she was supposed to see... so long story short it would be a nightmare to reschedule with her. like probably impossible.

i'm rewatching House and i'm at the part with House and Cuddy are a legit thing and it makes me all happy and sad  and weird feeling about the show. All I do is watch House most for when i read or play pokemon.

i'm running out of food to eat at the apartment-- not really... but the snack food that i dont have to cook, i am. which makes me just want to not eat. because i dont want to eat this ramen or salt filled soups. i'm already the size of a whale can we just not add to that with sodium bloating? thanks.

I need to keep writing in my paper journal. i was doing it a lot and then i stopped because... i dont know.

i wonder when stan will get up... i hope he doesn't sleep in too late. i always worry about that. every day.

so this is my buttcrack of dawn friday morning post.
thanks for reading.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

A weekend at my parents house

This weekend I have been at my parents house and it's been a pretty good time.  We worked on the details for the wedding reception invitations and what foods we want to have there.  I got really overwhelmed by all the things we have gotr to get together before Sept 10th...
We ate Mexican on Saturday for lunch...  And we went to the restaurant that Stan and it had our first date at.  So that was fun for me. Nostalgia is always good.
After that we went to the grocery store for some things that we needed for dinner.  We also stopped  by the dollar general  near the house to get me some shorts to lounge in because I forgot all of mine and all I had to wear was my Jean shorts.
Saturday night my parents cooked a ham and we had beans and potatoes. The ham was so good.  And of course I ate all the potatoes because they are my jam.

Stan played a lot of pokemon while we were here and that makes me smile.
Today has been a slow day and I have played pokemon and done sudodku puzzles and read in a book I started back in the first half of the year. I'm now 50 percent done with it.

Stan is going home now but I am staying here until tomorrow night.  The babies will be staying with me.  Not sure what I'm gonna do all day tomorrow.

I gotta stop writing and help Stan leave.  So TTYL Internet.

lets try that again

Pokemon party update

Friday, July 29, 2016

well i'm alive

Stan's pokemon emulator fudged up and he lost all his progress on pokemon yellow.. so i downloaded another one that will let him save on the emulator.
so now he can play and save and not worry about the battery dying.

i am personally still stuck trying to beat this one gym in my game.

we finally went grocery shopping and i am so happy.
plus we got pizza and that is my happy place.
we are watching pokemon on netflix and eating pizza

i really love how much stan gets into his pokemon game. but he gives his pokemon some really funny names.. like.. inappropriate lol but hilarious

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

still barely making it

but thats okay
i have a lot of angry words to say to the people who control who gets what money raises where stan works but i cant use them because it makes stan look bad.
i have never seen stan so upset and i cant blame him. he busts his ass for them and he gets nothing. that is not okay.
the amount of upset is indescribable

my medication is not right and my therapist submitted  a form to let her know that my medication wasnt right and the closest they could get me in was august 16th so that is just fucking fantastic

i see tara on the 10th which is earlier than the medication adjustment visit so wtf.
also one of the therapist  quit so tara is going to have to keep seeing patients so i dont lose my person that i am used to seeing.. she gets the new position and keeps some of her patients.. or alll of them.. so she is doing two jobs, i know that must be hard for her but i am glad i get to keep my therapist... #selfish

as for the pokemons i am scared to try the next gym (its a dragon type)
 i dont think i can beat it and i'm scared to try

i'm blogging mostly because i need to do something
miss lilly is sitting here on the windowsill
i havent been coloring much
i have done a sudoku puzzle or two though
and i have been journaling ... journaling is the best

it has been ridiculously hot lately like... cannot go outside hot

our washer and dryer are all kinds of fucked up

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Friday, July 22, 2016

pokemon white 2 progress update

so yeah i'm still playing pokemon white 2.
because i cant play pokemon go lol

but thats ok

for now


my party at this very moment is:

  • Drifblim
  • Solrock
  • Azumarill (named Azure)
  • Emboar
  • Sunflora (named Sunshine)
  • Ampharos 

I was hoping to get a Lunatone and not a Solrock but this is okay.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

things are better but not the best they could be

i still think my meds need to be a little higher.. i think 60 mgs of prozac would be best.
but its been so hard to get anything done with my medication i should just be happy anything is good with it

speaking of my meds.. my cat vomited on my pill case and i went to rinse it off--- little did i know the damn thing wasnt sealed and water got into my pills for this week.... a whole week of pills ruined. no salvaging any of them.  which means i will run out of meds early and have to explain to the damn people why and it seems like a lie and because... i mean, who the fucks cat vomits on their pill case? *THIS GIRL* and who the fuck doesnt realize their case isnt water proof? this girl


yesterday we were supposed to hang out with alex and sagen but they had somethings to deal with and that is ok. so stan and i went to the movies and saw "the secret life of pets" which was hilarious and i loved it but it wasnt as good as i thought it would be... but definitely worth watching.

then we went shopping for some stuff
an came home and i almost decided to go to bed but instead i decided that we should play some kind of game together so i got stan to teach me to play poker. i never knew how to play until last night. i love it! we also drank bourbon and i got completely wasted. i dont even remember the end of the night and a lot happened apparently, lol. i fell and hurt my hand/wrist and my knee. and there was some sexy time so that is good. i think it was time for it... now that im not depressed anymore.

so i am almost ready to let stan buy me a 3ds even though we dont have the money.
but what i really want right now is the pokemon go thing to work on my phone.. so we are going to get an upgrade but we have to get my mom to go with us .. the pokemon go thing would make me get up and move around so that would be good for me.

I'm listening to I Heart Radio and Stevie Nicks is playing sooo that is good.
my hand really hurts

i really dont know what to do today

Sunday, July 10, 2016

i've been putting off blogging

1. my nails are so long i can barely type lol
2. i dont have anything to say
3. i have been writing in my real paper journal as much as possible because i need to do that before this
4. shit sucks balls

i found out recently that my therapist that i had finally found and liked is no longer going to be doing therapy
because she is getting promoted to management level position. so yay for her but like... she knew that this would be hard for me because i told her all the times they kept juggling me around and i never get to stay with the same person. and she is doing it to me again.
she is going to see me one more time but after that i am off to meet another therapist and start this long ass process of telling my life story over again.
its takes just as long to tell it as it does for them to decided to leave me.
its kind of traumatizing
as a matter of fact i'm pretty sure i would have a good case against this place if i had to ability to take legal action against it.

stan and i have had some good days and bad days
mostly good though. i am letting him take me out places even though i hate spending money. it helps to get out of the apartment. being here scares me and i just sleep all day. i cant go outside. and now theres a chance we might not move and i dont know how i am going to handle that. more drugs? maybe? who the fuck knows.
maybe once i get pokemon i wiill be better. or at least the 3ds in general because there are more games for it ?? i think? atleast more games that i would be interrested in.

i dont know where stan keeps the nail clippers but let me tell you i could probably perform surgery with these claws. they're so long and sharp. i can barely work my touch screen phone anymore.

i get mad every morning because my cat comes and wakes me up for food but i realize its also very cute and i should cherish it because its what a kid does. i guess pissed is the wrong word. i just want to sleep but she needs to be tended to like a princess. she is  a princess. i swear she is. and she knows it too.

today we have to go shopping but i might stay home because i am unclean and gross
i havent the energy to wash myself in the past few days
i dont smell that bad because i dont go outside to sweat but its still .. i know i'm gross

i have to do laundry today and that scares me because everytime i use the dryer its possible it could catch fire
i have been coloring massive amounts lately and i have almost colored every sheet that i care for coloring and i need new books.

also i think the amount of ITCHY i get corresponds to the length of my nails. like my body knows i have nails and it says "Now You MUST ITCH" i will have to ask Jo is this happens to her (she is the only person i know who keeps long nails all the time)
my cat loves it when i grow my nails out... maybe that is why she is bothering me all the time lol  MOMMMMMMMMM SCRATCH MY EARS MOMMM DAMn it SCRATCH THEM NoWWW

my shift button on the right side randomly doesnt work when i'm holding it down to make text caps i wonder why because i was holding it down the whole time and it randomly didnt work just now

in other news i keep having dreams about being sexually assaulted. it happens almomst every night
i wonder if this happens to a lot of people and nobody ever says anything becase we are afraid to talk about it?
its always so random OR its scary specific every now and then.

i miss talking to people online but i dont know how to keep it up because i cant think of naything to talk about. the person i wanna talk to is kind of busy lately and i dont really need to talk to him all the time anyways. i just like to because he already understands how i flit around from one thing to another and my train of though is non existent. it makes talking to people really hard.

i guess i could try talking to people i already know
but i feel like i disappoint them when i talk about being depressed
which is all the time
so i just dont do that

seriously itchy as fuck right now only on my shoulders im gonna claw the skin off or something i swear
might be dry skin i dunno

right now i am tryig to decide if i want to eat something
i havent pooped in like.. 5 days. maybe 6 days
and my weight is lower than normal because i am trying not to eat because stuff i ate never made it back out and that scares me
where does it go? i dont know but it didnt make it to poop and so if i eat more what happens? am i going to back up and vomit poop? i mean what happens here

that was supposed to be a funny but i think it failed

then i need to play pokemon. i cant beat this gym leader so i have to level up and i dont know where to do that it seems like there are sparse places tolevel up in this city area. so boo ... i did just get them HM fly so i guess i can fly back to places and level up maybe they knew that would be needed and they gave it to us just now for that reason DUH TABS of course they DID.
i'm almost out of fruitloops
(fruit loops is my happy fun play videogame snack)

i need to make a shopping list for stan
this blog entry is really long i am proud of it
i need the little kitten gif from facebook tha ti use when i feel proud i dont know how to get it here though booooooo
*proud cat image goes here*

my scheduled blog post

I have set up a habit tracker to try and motivate and keep track of my stuff so i have schedule to blog today. there is a lot going on. i...