Tuesday, December 18, 2018

up all night, got demons to fight

my ativan didn't work tonight so i'm awake at 3am

Stan did a wonderful thing and ordered a cell phone battery for me! and it might be here tomorrow! I am so excited. I hope it makes my phone better because I love my phone and I miss it. I play a lot of games on it that are kind of like mind puzzles that I think have helped me get sharper. Or i hope they are.

I ate TWO cans of soup yesterday. I dont know why I wanted soup so bad but OMG it was delicious

I am making list after list after list for the christmas trip on saturday. I actually need to trim down what i'm taking because, as usual, I want to take my entire house with me. It's a weird comfort thing for me.

I gotta call in the refill for my anxiety medication tomorrow. and I need to call the psych office and try to find a new therapist since mine either randomly quit or died. he was really old and in bad health-- in and out of the hospital recently-- so i'm scared he died. I am sad about this. He was a great man. I miss him and will miss him for a long time, I think.
I have a chance to maybe see someone who treats eating disorders on top of the other stuff I struggle with so that would be a new thing for me-- I've never actually had help for that. I've just been kind of... not telling doctors about it and getting help for everything else but that. i know thats bad but... I just am not really ready to give up my eating disorder and I dont know if I ever can. so the ED therapist might not even wanna work with me if I'm not ready to do it.
and either way i wont even be able to see any new therapist until jan anyway

my skin is SOOOOO dry I am clawing myself from the itchy

my mom attempted to color my hair and botched it and it looks HORRIBLE. I am going to have to try and use sun-in to get it looking better. because this is crap. like i could have done better myself on myself. i wish i had done it myself. my mom is a hair dresser and i thought she would do a good job. better than me. but i guess i was wrong.

so I guess thats all for now. I'm really only updating because I am so bored and cant sleep. lol

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