so the first have of this week has been pretty lax
i've had some weird sleep all day and night moments but I feel okay emotionally and mentally so I am not too worried about it
today i had a lot of chores to do so i am feeling very productive and i thought i would continue that feeling by blogging today
tomorrow i have to get everything ready for saturday
because saturday is the AP awards and I am going with Stan and I am excited
I am wearing my great grandmas dress. i dont care its vintage and i love it i don't care of it's not in style
after that is sunday which is laundry day and stan will need to rest from saturday
next monday i have an appointment with my psychologist/therapist and i need to make sure i write good journal notes on the AP awards banquet because we are trying to build my self esteem so i can function normally as a person
the fact that i am going to wear an old dress and have confidence is a good sign no?
then we have fathers day and i really hope stan talks to his dad and they have a good conversation.
I miss the relationship with Stans dad and them but I cant get it back and there's nothing i can do but just make sure Stan keeps in touch with them and keeps a good relationship with them despite me not being able to be there too. I know how important his Dad is to him and it would break my heart if they stopped talking. I have been really hard on myself about that because of how I understand the bond with a father figure (i'm really close with my dad too)
lots of mixed feelings and sad and good and excited.
but i guess thats what normal life feels like, isn't it?
i will find out one day.
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