Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Jan 24 2018....

I have been neglecting this blog wayyyy too much.

So here's the run down.
We have been calling for three weeks every few days.... To two different mental health care places.
We have gotten little to no information. And ZERO returned phone calls after being told they would call us back.
I am literally disgusted with these places and I have never even been to either of them.
Hell, even if they did take me as a patient I'm not sure I could emotionally and mentally handle. It after all this shit. It's fucking traumatizing and it's fucking wrong.

I am calling today (it's Wednesday) and Stan is going to call
One of the places wont even LET stan make my appointment for me which is really really frustrating because I do not call and do these things I am scared shit less of phone calls. But nope lets make the girl with anxiety do a thing she fears doing just to even TRY and get help for before mentioned anxiety.... Just fml. That's a big fat FML.

So we are waiting.

But something good happened!
Last weekend Stan's father and stepmother came to Alabama and we had a really really amazing dinner with them Friday night.
I dressed like a lady and it made me feel better about myself. But not quite good enough... Never good enough.
I was overwhelmed with the kindness of his father and stepmother. It was so much more than ever before and I did not expect it at all.
It was completely not... Even... I had no idea. I was expecting bad vibes and feels.
It was surreal in a way.

I ate three times the amount I should have in Friday night.
And on Saturday.... Unfortunately Stan's stepmother could not have lunch or dinner with us because her reflux and sick feels. Maybe it was really really bad. Like I know how much reflux hurts, trust me... So. I am not passing judgment on her at all. I just hope I get to see her this March and I hope I am in a better place mentally.... But if I can't get a new psych doc and a therapist I don't really forsee that happening anytime soon.

I'm editing this and posting and leaving out the nonos lolol

It's Wednesday evening ...
Today we called everywhere possible and got nothing. We called the places we tried first... And the other places.  and we've been either turned down because of one thing or another.. Or just they just don't acknowledge that we even called at all.

I feel like i am fighting for my life to get this help that I need.
And in a way I am.
I really am.
But i'mma fight it. Cause I know my nana would want me to fight like hell and never give up.

And that's what I'm gonna do. Damn it. 😎😎😎😎

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