Friday, August 12, 2016

happy friday or whatever it is people say

therapy is getting annoying...
My therapist is trying to convince me that i'm not ready to get married because i'm in a depressive episode right now. But she couldn't be more wrong.
I wanted to yell at her but i couldn't do such a thing. I just sat there in silence and nodded along with whatever she said. then she decided to tell me that this is the least responsive and most blank i've been with her since i've started seeing her.
I'm blank most days now. Or asleep.
I am reading books again. Sleezy Danielle Steel but still its a book and I can focus on it.. thought Steel is pretty easy reading. so that makes it better.. i need something to read that isn't so hard to handle.

I love the vape pen we bought from my mother. though i am sccared about when i have to change the filter because it seemed complicated and i dont want to fuck it up and then we have wasted the money and have nothing. i'm smoking one cigarette a day. sometimes two. which isnt that much less because i was only smoking about 4 a day before. but its better in the grand scheme of things i think.

i seem to have hit a roadblock with pokemon white 2 i need to pull up a walk through and see what the fuck is going on. i already changed my party since i last updated because i realized i needed a flying pokemon for sure. so i had to get rid of gigalith or whatever it was that huge rock pokemon. which made me sad but the other option was to keep him and get rid of electric or grass and i really really REALLY am into keeping all my bases covered. so i have a drifblim with some ghost moves and the ability to fly instead.

the real reason i am updating is to tell everyone that i got my computer screen fixed and i can use my computer to its fullest capacity again. before it was all fucked up and the screen looked like an acid trip but dad got the connector for the screen to the rest of it and installed it (because my dad is the shit, the best dad ever) and now i have my chromebook back and its lie brand new.

today is friday and stan needs to make a call so we can determine what day i will be going to  my parents house next week with the babies. also i have a meeting with Connie (the NPR that gives me my meds) on tuesday so i hope against hope it doesn't interfere with that because there isnt any way for me to get into seeing connie again any time soon. She has been on vacation for the past week and now she is back and taking all the people that she was supposed to see... so long story short it would be a nightmare to reschedule with her. like probably impossible.

i'm rewatching House and i'm at the part with House and Cuddy are a legit thing and it makes me all happy and sad  and weird feeling about the show. All I do is watch House most for when i read or play pokemon.

i'm running out of food to eat at the apartment-- not really... but the snack food that i dont have to cook, i am. which makes me just want to not eat. because i dont want to eat this ramen or salt filled soups. i'm already the size of a whale can we just not add to that with sodium bloating? thanks.

I need to keep writing in my paper journal. i was doing it a lot and then i stopped because... i dont know.

i wonder when stan will get up... i hope he doesn't sleep in too late. i always worry about that. every day.

so this is my buttcrack of dawn friday morning post.
thanks for reading.

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