Tuesday, April 5, 2016

its april 5th

as of like... 50 mins ago anyway

wednesday is my birthday and i will be 30 and holy crap im old omg

i am going to ask the psych to give me back my prozac at 60 mgs ... i dont think 40 is going to be enough

i have weird feels and i hope the festival is going to be okay

i dont know what to do about.... anything really. the festival is all i have to think about... 
i dont think we will have a wedding and i dont want one
 i dont know if we will even get married this year or not
maybe next year.
i thought we would do it sooner rather than later but it seems like it might be later... all i know is i dont want a wedding and all that money wasted.. i want a cook out with my family and friends to celebrate sometime around the time we get married... and when we get married i want parents and grandparents there.
and gordon and krista and april and tanner and mac and thats probably it... April was going to be my matron of honor.. krista was going to be a bridesmaid because she is gordon's ladyfriend and theyre practically engaged but not...  and tanner is stan's cousin and best man and mac is stan's best friend.. so.. i mean maybe i could have Jessica or Julie too..... to even it out? i just like things to be even i guess its an ocd thing but i just gives me bad feels to have un even extra people.. 

i dont even knowwwww i just want it to be done withhh bahhhh

we are already married in practice what the hell is wrong with just... doing it already

im not upset
i'm just blaaaahhh


i just want to be Mrs. Ingold already please can we just fast forward to that?

i've stayed up making a few necklaces and watching V for Vendetta-- its almost over.. Stan hates it... but i love it.. we just have to agree to disagree

i wish i were sleepy!!!! lol

atleast i dont feel like my head is splitting apart at the same time i'm wide awake.. i just feel calm and awake


<--dats bikeeee="" get="" i="" me="" on="" p="" the="" when="">

1 comment:

  1. Wedding or not, you get married I'm coming down to celebrate.


the end of october 2019

a lot has happened and i dont feel like talking about it, i have a lot of very bad feelings there is something in the works, but we are uns...