Tuesday, April 26, 2016

hello there interwebs

i havent posted in  a long time because i have been super busy living life-- as cray cray as that sounds

all wrapped up in the living shit

i had some kind of feels and decided to go to my parents house last week on tuesday randomly... like.. just up and go
it was the BEST THING EVER.
i ran around town with mom on wednesday while she delivered avon and we had chinese
went to fayette on thursday and saw my nana and pawpaw
and had lunch with pawpaw and mom and had baked chicken and mashed taters precious was so good

on friday i got my ass out of bed and took a shower and shovelled some dirt for my dad around the fire pit and did lots of good things and life was awesome and i felt awesome and i spent time with people and it felt good.
stan got there friday night which made things even better because he was the one thing i was missing
he doesnt realize the adjustment between me at home and me here is hard for me when i stay there for a week pretty much so when i got back here i was all kind of weird feelings

i dont know how to explain it and i was just really angry
i was mad at the world not him
im mad that i cant have both things
i cant have my parents around like that and have him at the same time
i have to adult and pick him and be a wife
and its hard
i picked random things to take my anger out on.. picked fights about stupid shit but its just that... i am having a hard time coping with my parents things.... seeing them for so long on a day to day basis made coming home really strange and i didnt understand why i was feeling the way i did or why i acted the way i did.

and i didnt have a bazillion panic attacks.. i had a few but i stayed away from stan and at home and i was okay i ate food and i was okay things were okay... it was exhausting and coming home made me realize how exhausting it is to be out in the world too

so maybe i had  a hard time adjusting..
i had my game face on for multiple days in a row-- almost a whole week. that is something i have not been able to do in a very very very very very very very very very very long time

cut me some slack for fucks sake

and so now i give you the photos

i wear my sunglasses at night

i got this cool tote bag thing from the thrift store 99 cents... was from old navy. me likey

i got a second planner to be my business and design planner $1.99

and have old planner for personal stuff

and i got a new mood ring cause i wanted one damn it its really good quality too i cant not have a mood ring its just a THANGGG I HAVE TO HAVE ONE OKAY THANKS

i was filling out the dry erase calendar earlier for may and i was writing the may 2 note that they would start reviewing the applications at this job stan applied for on may 2nd because thats what they told him and i looked at my phone and it was 11:11 !!!!! #iseewhatyoudidthere wooooo its all happening

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