Sunday, March 27, 2016

Week summary.....

from monday till saturday night and gooo


monday night i went grocery shopping.. at dollar tree and aldi 

  • razors
  • tiny nail sparkle art vials to empty out and use for jewelry design shit
  • tapioca
  • cola
  • lipstick stuff

then went to 

  • milk
  • apples 
  • pretzels
  • chips (sea salt and cracked pepper)
  • breakfast biscuits

i then proceeded to stay up all night making jewelry of some kind
i dont really remember what it was though


 i stayed awake all day until evening and crashed
i ate a fuck ton and watch Grey's Anatomy
I also took a much needed laxative because after the weekend eating my body was like "um no lets keep all this shit" literally irl

 i made jewelry  and other nonsense.  i sat outside for a while on the found because it was awesomeeeee.. feel so good outside most days right now.. i know it wont last long.. soon it will be HOTTER THAN HELL and the good feels will be gone gone gone

I did chores 
I had THERAPYYYYYY and it was okay... like.. good okay.. and stuff-- STAN WENT WITH ME AND TALKED TO MY THERAPIST AND AYAYAYAYAYAY YAY

very good
then i decided i wanted pizza on thursday because... therapy was exhausting and damn it i wanted it

and we watched ~*GAME OF THRONES*~ on the TEEVEEEES 

i made some jewelry and went to bed early
i am either wide awake or falling asleep i have no medium

i woke up early and took the dog out and did some little stuff-- dishes and what not then I put my big girl panties on and told stan we needed things from the store
everytime i ask him for things i feel bad and he always gets grumpy
like im sorry
maybe i should just let us run out of stuff and then make him buy it?
but the time we run out will be staggered over many days and he will have to run to store all the time for days
at random
because he gives me no money
and i dont want him to walk that much it hurts him =(
these are the things i think about and decide to not ask for things
and when i do i get the grumpy bear reaction
i cant win
after the festival i will have my money and i will buy whatever i want
i dont care if i spend it on the house
i just will fell glad to not have to ask him for every god damn quarter i need to spend
it hurts me
i feel like a worthless piece of shit
i know i could sell my jewelry on etsy if i took the time to manage an online shop and promote or if i went and found a boutique here in town that wanted my stuff to sell (its very possible, theres quite a few that have popped up)

i dont know i just.. maybe i should do these things on my own and go out there and hunt down these possible business connections since nobody is going to help me anymore
i need gas money for that though

i am relying on a man too much
and its driving me insane

STAN SAID I HADNT BLOGGED IN A WHILE WELL HERE YOU GO HONEY-- i'm sorry this is bad feels for you probably
this month has bee hard financially for reason out of our control

 and i cant help but blame myself for it after losing my food stamps

maybe i should go back to work and the reapply
if i'm stable i dont see why not... i mean... i would have money AND food stamps (just not as much food stamps)
maybe i shouldnt sell myself short
maybe i can work somewhere
maybe i am not as batshit as i think
maybe its all in my head
that thing

i am all kinds of pissed now
and its almost 3am
i'm gonna stop now

oh wait i wasnt done lol

and on the way home he got me cigarettes which i didnt expect
no primatene though
oh well
he also stopped and let me pick dandelion seed heads for the dandelion wish necklaces i'm making for the festival ... i empty out previously mentioned tiny glass vials of their.. glitter and shit and put dandelion seeds in there and super glue the tops on and put on a chain and TADA
dandelion wish necklace
$5 a pop
each one costs approx $1 to make not counting labor.. which is the hard part i have to run around this shady ass apartment complex with a plastic bag and pick flowers... and all these people think i'm batshit
and then i have to use tweezers and put them in the little vials and make it look neat as possible and so tiny so so so tiny

i checked on Mac's cat, Murphy, and he clawed my arm .. its not deep or anything but i bruise easily and i have that weird. blood bruise under the skin that hurts lol..
also- i am not mad at all about it...  i know the little man and he is just... a handful. plus i know cats. i am the cat whisperer (or so i like to think)
 he respects me enough to stop once i snap my finger when he does it.. he is very lovey and then bites and claws and you and purrs the whole time. he doesnt mean to be mean, really. he just didnt learn the boundary between play fighting and fighting and playing i think
a lot about cats is giving them respect .. and understanding their needs they can sense your attitude. murph knows i am not intimidated by him. i like him. most of the time he doesnt scratch me at all. he just so happened to climb in my lap this time and rub on my arm and then go at it... he usually doesnt get in my lap just around my legs and feet. 
he didnt want to interact with me much after the rubbing and a little play fighting... i guess i dont fight back and react like he expects so he is not interested... he probably wants me to freak out so he can be entertained... cats are silly like that... he got bored lol. anyways
he went to the window to watch the kids outside so i left after sitting for about 20 mins (i checked his food and water obviously, duh) i would have stayed longer but i was falling asleep 
and i didnt want to randomly fall asleep on mac's couch haha
so i got up and went home 

i made a fuck ton of... well... jewelry inventory stock chain.. like.. the same color beads chained up like rosary linked beads kind of? chained bead? i have them wrapped around a things so there's a spool of different bead chains and i will make necklaces on the fly with charms at the festival.. i will have charms for use and they can bring their own if they have one or buy something from another vendor and want it done i dont know whatever!
i feel way more comfortable this year and i am excited to do this festival
here is a photo from the fall festival that we did that bombed because it was the first game game of the alabama football season and yall know nobody is going to be at a festival in a park they are gonna be at the game or at home watching it and cooking

this was right before i started losing weight i can see my arm fats ughhhhhh grossss
yeah i have lots of nice professional stuff for displaying stuff now yayayayayayayay

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