Tuesday, February 2, 2016

tuesday stucks -- yes thats a typo and no i dont feel like changing it

i got up at like 6am and washed my hair and got dressed and went to the fucking mental health clinic to get my meds and the fucking pharmacy isnt even open today like what the fucking hell they cant do that shit they cant close randomly and not tell anybody that is not cool people cannot handle random shit like that i cannot handle random shit like that i cannot handle it and i will notjnaedoighoilghoarfjhgraf
fucking fuck fuck fucking fuckity fuck shit shit fuck
so i had a fucking panic attack in the middle of the place and left and sat in my car for a while then i called stan and told him and started driving home
then i came home and slept for an hour or two i dont even know

then i got up and stan had to leave for work and i felt semi ok but i know MY MEDS ARE ALL KINDS OF INSANE TODAY AND ALL THIS WEEK SO THERE is NO TELLING WHAT TH EFUCKING HEL IS GOING TO HAPPEN

they are taking me off wellbutrin completely
lowering my prozac 20 mgs
upping my buspar to 15 mgs 3x a day (it was 10 mg 3x a day)
and adding this antidepressant that is tailored for OCD that i have never taken before
they are upping my latuda to 40mgs (it was 20)

i have stopped the wellbutrin
and i will lower the prozac tomorrow...  cant do the latuda until THEY OPEN THE FUCKING PHARMACY FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK and its an ANTIPSYCHOTIC which is kind of IMPORTANT

the new anti depressant i am waiting until everything cycles out so i can get all my refills on the same dayyyy
i am going to be an ungodly mess thsi week i dont think anybody realize how much changing meds can fuck you up and they are adjusting like.... four? five? i dont even know. its like.. thanks.. thanks for fucking me in the ass you fucking shitbags

ad now there are storms and i saw death omen earlier today and i am freaking out and wtf god damn it
i cant handle this i am going to go journal offline and watching abc3340 live feed

i forgot to tell stan i got a new planner and i love it and i have decided to i will probably keep my planner lol i just.. i needed a project and the fauxdori kept me occupied because i had to figure it out ok i am stupid and i need things to keep me occupied
i like the fauxdori for on the go artsy journaling and stuff but i need to keep my planner because its just.. its just for real legit a planner.. i can use the other thing as an on the god brain dump notebooks of sorts for snippets or things that come to me when im out and about.. so i will slim it down i guess i dont want to get rid of it

i need to read this book i got at the book store and shit
i dunno


ahhhh  i like this book!!! yay!!!
i have also decided to up my reading goal to 100 books in 2016.. i've finished 10 in january alone.. i think i can do it..

its been stormy tonight but not as bad as they said so i feel better.. less anxiety... oh  i just looked and this isnt even the main line thats coming haha wow that is gonna be late late tonight maybe tomorrow morning ughhh thats cool i wanna stay up and read anywayyyy

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Well I finally went to the doctor for some stuff

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