Monday, December 14, 2015

the final countdownnnn



now that i've gotten that out of the way---
on saturday morning me went to my parents house out in the woods and it was amazing... we had to have our christmas with them early because we wont be here when it happens and we had to give gifts .... and yeah... mom and dad and them gave up way way wayway more than i expected so i feel like a fucking piece of shit now
but i dont want to make stan pay for gifts to my family in the first place-- i should be doing that... atleast contributing but im not and i want to fucking die inside over it

i hate not having something.. anything.. i dont know.. maybe if the festival in april goes well... maybe somebody will buy stuff in kentucky next week. i dont know.. i just.. something has to change or i'm going to spiral into some kind of self loathing piece of shit depression because i have no way to be responsible for anything and it makes me want to die


i have a lot of chores to do today...
i havent updated my blog in a while but i wanted to wait until i had a lot to day.

my dad and mom gave me mom's old Samsung Galaxy tablet which is fucking amazing and i'm going to use it to read books on even though i said i would never use a ebook reader but lets face it.... i already carrying enough SHIT with me with my planner and clothes and make up when we are travelling i dont need to carry 5 books with me on top of that. ok
plus i can use it for some internet things.... its easier for me to type on than my phone so i might use it to update my blog on the go--- and just leave my computer here all christmas vacay-- yeah i think i will. that would be a lot less to carry. like, ALOT LESS... since tablet and phone use same charger...tablet fits in purse with phone
i wont need a computer case

this is looking more and more good

even though nothing will ever replace my beloved chromebook because i love having my keyboard

i will never ever give up having at least one device that has a real keyboard

i started the towels in the dryer to make them warm and soft and i put in the clothes we need to wash. i am going to put up the xmas decoration that i took down last night because of the high wind.. then unload the dishwasher... i should work on some xmas jewelry projects and or sort my jewelry.. also wash the dishes in the sink and wipe down the entire kitchen really good.. stove and microwave and everything.... busy busy busy housewife life day  it's 8:40am lets get moving

it's... 8:30pm
i really did get shit done today!
i put up the towels, the clothes are in the dryer ready to be put up-- i washed the dishes, unloaded the dishwasher... signed like.. 50 christmas cards. finished a necklace... prepped to make the next one and ran to the store for extra supplies to make it awesome...

and tonight i wrote out a card to Sherri and packed up Karen's happy christmas mail package of awesomes... stan is going to take them tomorrowwwwww to the post office

stan is amazing and i cant find enough ways to express my gratitude... he gives me so much and i have nothing to give back... except taking care of him and loving him.. i feel useless... i want to buy him things and surprise him with stuff and i cant ... it hurts my soul not being able to give to people... it gives me very very bad feelings.. i think people think i say i dont like getting gifts as a way to be all "look at me i'm humble you should give me more" but i REALLY DONT LIKE IT OKAY SERIOUSLY ITS NOT FUN FOR ME

my brain hurts

i took a shower today and my hair is AWESOMEEEEE

my friend Jessy secret santa'd me a replacement lisa frank pen =X just more gifts that i feel guilty about getting ughhhhh

i am so grateful but jeeeze people i cant really ... just.... wtf... dhgojaehrbdgoljaerbdf

No comments:

Post a Comment

the end of october 2019

a lot has happened and i dont feel like talking about it, i have a lot of very bad feelings there is something in the works, but we are uns...