Thursday, November 5, 2015

remember remember the 5th of november #obligatorypopculturereference

anyways, today Stan is taking off work and we are going to go shopping for stuff to bake and cook this weekend for the APR "funddrive is over BBQ"

also other stuff we might need, and the weekend gameday stuff we will need.

im still working my way through "the dark is rising" book #2
I plan to start reading the stephen king book my dad loaned to me last weekend but i just wannt get some of the Dark is Rising series books out of the way... gotta get to my 30 book challenge goal damn it.

getting ready to go to store nowwwwww yayayayay
tlr @ 10am

its 1:30am
back from store about to eat some delicious grilled chicken and... read i guess. or watch netflix. idk.
tomorrow is bake day for saturday.. and then sunday is bake day for monday. lol #housewifeprobs

food was fucking delicious
now i am going to read books kthx

god damn i forgot how much i loved this bookkkkk shitttt.
i am so into it that i get legit flipping tables pissed when somebody interrupts me while im reading it lol



okay i totally spaced out just now and lost like an hour of time decorating my planner hahah wooooow
im not sure how easy sleep will come tonight.
what sucks is when i get sleepy but not sleepy like this i cant read books much because i wont remember what i read... so its pointless.
i feel like im getting fatter but im not and i know its my mind playing tricks on me (as i have not gained weight)
also i am exercising and building muscle so that is kind of.. well, im toning but my weight is staying the same... but things fit looser, you know? its very frustrating because i cant SEE myself properly... i never have been able to... i dont know what i really look like.. i take photos and shit but as far as im concerned im a huge blob of fat with arms and legs of fat fat fattyness and thats all i know when i look at any photo of me.

youd think at some point i would get over this shit (ive had an eating disorder for 10 years now) but i havent i dont want to be  disgusting and fat... i just cant... i dont know... i hate myself if i let myself gain weight and this is the only way to be happy and that is what i am going to do.
its 11:17pm

i was typing/talking about hating my fat ass body at 11:11

oh i see what you did there gods

get off me i cant handle this right now here are gifs be merry and bright little ones

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