Sunday, October 25, 2015

sunday-- funeral. laundry. the blahs.

and its because i had to pee so we stopped at a gas station. fml. i feel like a horrible person. but to be fair EVERYBODY ELSE PEED TOO SO IT WASNT JUST ME

we got there for the closing prayer and that was enough to make me tear up.
Stan talked to Brian's family and he told me that Brian's daughter was wearing a necklace that Brian bought from me and gave to her as a gift.. that.. really made me cry. like... i wanted to say something to her but i didn't have the courage. =( it was one of my Tree of Life necklaces.
We stood around for a while... Stan and Mac talked to people-- there were apparently a good number of people from the APR radio station there.. which made me feel good. I know what kind of job he did and i understand why they are having trouble keeping things together without him.. it takes a mastermind to run the things that Brian had to run to keep the station going.

i still hate myself for not pushing Stan to let us hang out with him more. i should have been more persistent. but even if i was he was so busy and we were so busy.. but i dont want to give excuses they make me mad... we shouldve found a way.

we stood around some more and i saw a reddish orange butterfly floating around... and then a dark blue almost black one...
i knew then he was there. watching us all... and just like Stan said, Brian was never on time.. i think he showed up late too. Stan keeps making comments about how Brian would've said this or that when things happen and.. it makes me so very sad.. i dont understand how he can talk about it like that without breaking down into sobbing but then again i AM A CRY BABY and he is a big strong man. lol

and swap out the clothes i dont need... of course.. the weird alabama thing is that for a while its still warm... i just am so very excited about going to Kentucky for christmas and wearing all my nice fancy dress clothes and what not. losing weight is going to expand my wardrobe A LOTTTTT fuck yeah i have some kick ass sexy winter clothes
okay i think they are sexy they are probably just winter clothes but if i put on heels and tights and skirt i go into sex kitten mode because it just feels sexy like a secretary lol yep

book challenge update:
i finished "feeling for bones" by bethany pierce that i borrowed from the library and i was highly disappointed when the main character went from non believing in a higher power at all to literally "jesus take the wheel" and literally saw Jesus to get over her eating disorder. dont get me wrong, i am not disappoint that she turned to god and religion, that is perfectly and acceptable and normal... i have no problem with that, i chat with god every day about my life.. he and i are buddies...
i just think it should have take more time... been more thoughtful in the process.. people dont usually just "get over" these things... it takes more time and they did not explain that. that is what bothers me.

AND they took so long to write the story.. i think they just wanted to end the book nice and quick, honestly. that's what it felt like... it felt like they got tired of making up the story and said "by the power of god this girl is healed. amen, *closes book*"

i dont know... I had no idea how the book was going to go and that's what happened and .... ok, it was a good book in general, i actually have marked a few pages to collect quotes from it! =)
 but I just dont like the ending-- well, i do but i dont think it should have been so sudden but.... atleast she god better. that is the good part.

next up i am reading the entire "THE DARK IS RISING" series by Susan Cooper
i have all the books in one hardback edition but thats NOT FAIR for the book challenge, damn it.. so i am going to pick out the individual publications and use percentages as i read instead of actual page numbers because the book is numbers all the way through it doesnt start over with each book.

this serious is very dear to me i read "the dark is rising" in 4th or 5th grade.. and i found and found out the other books where there and went after them too.. apparently a lot of people reason "over sea, under stone" first.. which is the first book but.. i didnt know that.. just happened across the one i found... and fell in love.

that being said i think i will go read now maybe =)

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