Friday, October 23, 2015

crashed too early, now im awake at midnight like its tomorrow lol

so i guess i cant use this time to ramble a bit on here.

so yeah..
Stan's bestfriend and co-worker died. He was my friend, too. He gave me books. He was funny and wicked smart. and.. I am... not really accepting the truth that he is gone. I mean, I know he is.. but I dont think its set in. I hope it does and I get over it before sunday because we are going to his funeral on sunday and i dont want to freak out there... thats... not ok. very embarrassing and no ok. so i may need to take time tomorrow and sit down and force myself to process it.

i can't believe how well my weight loss is going! its actually happening so fast that my body isnt able to keep up! i have so much loose skin on my legs... if i lay a certain way it all like.. slides off to the side and puddles kind of because theres not as much fat between skin and muscle? yeah... my thighs are going through major slim down. and i probably should look up ways to tone specific areas or this is going to look really REALLY weird  if i keep going at this pace, until my body catches up...
i am not complaining  i know this kind of thing happens

when its closer to the wedding i will focus mainly on my arms because of my dress style the rest will be more or less acceptable even if i am were heavy-- with the the cut of the dress
but i just dont want to look at my wedding photos and see hideous blobs of upper arms i hate that i have always had HUGE upper arms... so fat and mushy... i have been lifting those hand held weights (3lbs each.. two in one hand... that 6lbs) a little bit and its definitely helping but i dont want to BULK up i just want to tone so i dont do it a lot...  i also have 1lb tiny hand weights that go over your knuckles and are curved i guess for wearing while doing arm toning exercises and such which i should look in to

i went SO LONG without proper internet that i dont even realize all i have to do is look something up on youtube and there is probably fitness shit everywhere to teach me things to do. like... well, also i like someone there coaching me and telling me what im doing wrong, too. especially if its weight lifting stuff because i have, in the past, pulled muscles very badly out of carelessness and not knowing what i was doing just wanting to do SOMETHING
 we have the stationary bicycle in the office
and i have started using it... i meant to today (well, yesterday now) but i didnt.. i might go do that now that i'm awake.. i dont do it for very long ... if i listened to music i would do better but i cant be arsed... the bike works most thigh and and leg.. i wonder how much it would help my upper thigh loose skin that hangs there with no fat under it? it looks kind of gross..  but thats what happens when you lose weigh really fast. i knew this when i started so theres no complaining.

i think this is the most i've talked on my blog for a while lol.. lol late night eating disorder body obsession updates ftw!!!


serious guys.. im addicted to planning, and im not the only one.... a lot of us ocd privileged white girls are spending all out spare time doing this... it feels good. its similar to scrapbooking but you do it every day and it also organizes your life and keeps you on top of things... it just feels good man FEELS GOOD MAN
#plannergirl !!!!!!  just look... look at this beautiful frivolous nonsense! i LOVE IT IT WANT IT GIVE ME THE PRETTY THINGS

and the kawaii things
yes i said it get OFF meeeee

i shining so briiiiiiiight

no really the fact that i've lost weight has drastically improved my mood

that i pathetic isnt it?

i just dont hate myself quite as much as i did i am more comfortable in my skin and i dont fel like people are staring at me for being a whale anymore.. they just stare cause people are dumbasses and well... i do have huge knockers and really long blonde hair. thats enough to get attention anyways. even without anything else.
i will get a good photos of it soon in all its FULL GLORY
but i have this for now

notice the HUGE TITS and the LONG HAIR
my arms are so fat omfg wtffff need to work on that more ... this was last week i think, though so idek.

btw this was my planner mess when i was trying to slim down the damn thing to go to the beach with less bulk-- it was fun to strip down to basics and see what mattered to me though... good exercise-- will make the christmas packing easier since i'll have done it before... yeah fixing my planner for a vacation is a big deal its how i keep memories damn it.

this is what they look like now!!! 
you cant tell from this angle but phillip is shaped like a peanut! he is twice as tall!!
and Harriet's moon died but she sprouted arms... and i took one of them and planted it and it grew so its the one sitting next to her.... the baby arm has now grown a head. and Harriet grew ANOTHER arm... and that arm has grown a head. lol. CRAY CRAY MUTANT CACTI ... i love them so much omg omg just... i love it

next up-- POSSIBLE... key word-- possible-- Wedding Registry items

so... sunday we are going to be ready by noon and we are going to the funeral for Brain. tomorrow i will shower and make my hair awesome and such.

i think i might be running out things to say right now... HOW IS THIS POSSIBLEEE

and with that i bid you good night dear sirs and ma'ams

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