Friday, April 10, 2015

reality check again or something. i dont even know. thank you stan i love you

I need to be honest here for a second--- I have been a whiny little brat this week because its the week of the festival, my period is coming at any moment, and i have severe anxiety disorder, and i dont know how to cope with chaotic high stress situations without either exploding, panicking, or completely shutting down.

what i chose to do the past few days was shut down- i slept. i laid in bed. i am tired. i am still tired. this is some kind of weird response to stress. i am freezing most of the time-- literally, have chills, there is no reason for it. i dont know why its happening..

i have be absolutely impossible to live with and Stan has been the perfect partner. perfectly supportive and patient. and kind.

and I want Stan to know that i realize all these things and i will find a way to say thank you after all this shit is over.

but right now i am just wanting to say i am grateful and feel very blessed because he is the only reason this going to happen tomorrow... I would have given up this week and tried to get a refund on the fee for participating.

but instead tomorrow i am getting up at 5am and dressing up in my tie-dye skirt and putting sun in in my hair  and putting on a big flopping straw hat and an anklet with a million tiny bells on it and flipflops that i probably won wear as soon as i test out the grass because TOMORROW I AM GOING TO BE AN ARTIST IN AN ARTS AND CRAFTS FESTIVAL AND I WANT TO BE MY DIRTY HIPPIE GYPSY LITTLE SELF THANKS

i love you stan

i guess i will have to give you a blowjob and bake some brownies on sunday

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