Wednesday, March 25, 2015

i am so tired of waiting for the festival i want it to happen so it can be over

that pretty much sums up how i feel right now
i am excited and scared and want it to all be over so i can stop thinking about every little thing that might go wrong and happen and i cant stop thinking about every little thing that might happen its driving me insane

also i have gained weight and its driving me insane because i barely recognize myself when i look in the mirror now and i cant stand it its like... i am not even me i am some monster that has taken over or the monster has taken over my body outside and i dont know this is the weirdest feeling like i am not myself why is this happening where am i this is not me at all i dont look like this i havent looked like this in 10 years... 11 years.. 11 years its been eleven years what the hell what
the hell
i cant
i cant do this
i am having a break down inside its silent i cant freak out outside i am freaking out inside my head i am paralyzed

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now i tried to eat and it wouldnt go down and now i lost my dinner and i dont even care and im going to take my meds and pass out

and we are watching the movie "saw" because i wanted to watch something horrible

kthank bye

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