Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Middle of the night rambling&some TMI batshit crazy ED stuff and idek

I find a better way to make me sleep good...Its just melatonin like before... But... Like... Before now I had been taking a 10 timed released pill. Now I am just taking 3 of the 3mg pills at once and it's working better than the other at getting me settled for sleepy time... Also even if I wake up like I've done now I can go back to sleep with out much trouble.

So thank you to the melatonin that keeps me sane. Because with my depression meds this strong I am edging on mania almost daily.
It rises like a beast woken from slumber each day and gets more rowdy as the day goes. By dinner I am usually giddy like a kid or so irritable and on edge I might snap randomly. Typical manic things. Over exited by simple things into hysterics and what not.

Stan got me a solar powered dancing owl from dollar tree (imma put him in my car on the dash yay yay yay yay yay) and I almost pissed myself in glee. Not literally irl but the excitement was surreal.
Yeah and I got out of control with food last night. Like a for "real binge out of it". So we had to take the food that was telling me: "eat me!!!!! Eat all of me. Now. Right fucking now." And shove it down the drain into the garbage disposal thing That chops it and sucks it down into the sewer.

Complete loss of self control.
To be fair it was delicious sugar cookie dough I bought and didn't Get to make soon enough and it was going to expire. And the raw dough seemed more tasty  than baked cookies at the time cause I'm a weirdo.

Anyways yeah

I'm glad I have this blog right now. I need somewhere to Get this out that is public because then I am held accountable for the act of being out if control and a fucking mess. Is like training myself the hard way? Humiliation lol

Yeah uh I think I will be seeing a therapist again very very soon... =X

Anyways Good night I am going to sleep until my supposed snow gets here... Oh please let it snow. Please please please please please. Ahhhhhhh

No comments:

Post a Comment

hello darlin nice to see ya, its been a long tiiiiiiime

So I had my first iron infusion last friday and the chemo/infusion station roomof the cancer center is REALLY CREEPY. like creepy spa day. t...