Thursday, December 18, 2014

thankgod its thursday ...and not friday.. just yet ... =X yikes

cause that means its almost friday but not
i am having severe panic attack right now
trying to make sense of everything thats going to happen this weekend.. so much stuff at once.. i am flipping shit i dont even know.. ugh

i have to clean the house for his dad to come visit here sunday .... or... i dont know he doesnt know exactly what is going to happen and i need to know when things happen or i cant handle them very well. everything has to happen on time and i have to know ahead of time what is going to happen and where and why and if i dont know i will fall apart i cant handle meeting people
i feel like my entire world crumbling down and stalling

oh my god

and this the day AFTER i have to see m huge 50+ Reynolds family for the yearly gathering
which i am excited about for serioussss

i have picked out my outfits for both days

i will be take extra buspar with me to try and help with anxiety but its not a benzo so the affect is.. ehh
not really ... i dunno

so tomorrow i am going to get up and clean and finish planning details in my head all day because if i dont i will get overwhelmed and freak the fuck out
i guess i will have to make a list and a schedule for each day and try to make it make sense somehow i mean, thats the only way ive found that i can cope with this anxiety

anyways i think im going to bed now

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