Thursday, June 7, 2018

week of the 4th through the 10th

so the first have of this week has been pretty lax
i've had some weird sleep all day and night moments but I feel okay emotionally and mentally so I am not too worried about it

today i had a lot of chores to do so i am feeling very productive and i thought i would continue that feeling by blogging today

tomorrow i have to get everything ready for saturday
because saturday is the AP awards and I am going with Stan and I am excited
I am wearing my great grandmas dress. i dont care its vintage and i love it i don't care of it's not in style

after that is sunday which is laundry day and stan will need to rest from saturday

next monday i have an appointment with my psychologist/therapist and i need to make sure i write good journal notes on the AP awards banquet because we are trying to build my self esteem so i can function normally as a person

the fact that i am going to wear an old dress and have confidence is a good sign no?

then we have fathers day and i really hope stan talks to his dad and they have a good conversation.
I miss the relationship with Stans dad and them but I cant get it back and there's nothing i can do but just make sure Stan keeps in touch with them and keeps a good relationship with them despite me not being able to be there too. I know how important his Dad is to him and it would break my heart if they stopped talking. I have been really hard on myself about that because of how I understand the bond with  a father figure (i'm really close with my dad too)

I dunno.

lots of mixed feelings and sad and good and excited.

but i guess thats what normal life feels like, isn't it?
i will find out one day.
i hope

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