Tuesday, May 22, 2018

soooo... this is a busy week

this week we are cleaning up the house because on SATURDAY we are having a crawfish boil here at the house.

Lots of cleaning to do!!!!


Also today my dad drove my husband to the airport. i went with them so i could see him off because you never know when you fly it could be the last time... i know thats morbid but idk. he went with the news team to get a really cool award. like apparently this is a huge deal. I am very excited for him and the station and proud too.
we got stuck in a construction road work area for almost 30 minutes while taking Stan to the airport... that was really really unnerving. very not cool. but we made it and he got there and arrived safely and i just talked to him and he is ok. and celebrating or what not. hahaha.

We had a really big scare with some billing that the oral surgeon sent out but apparently its... i dont know how to explain it but its not the real bill we have to pay. thank God. I was so upset. I was so upset I couldn't even cry hardly. like... I was mad at myself for needing surgery and I still am and I know I dont deserve it. But My husband loves me and.... ok I'm gonna cry now I can't think about this.

long story short-- the bill was not legit and we will pay less.


we have to clean up the house a bit more before the weekend

also refill my meds

i'm trying to get everybody who plays an instrument to bring theirs so we can have a jam session
but i dont think that is gonna happen lol

I have something I wanna do for Stan's birthday but its probably gonna get done after his actual birthday
but it will be so very cool.
and yeah.

I also made him a new tigers eye bracelet


so basically
lots of cleaning
stan in washington DC for two days
refill meds
cleaning
CRAWFISH BOIL

BIRTHDAY

that's the rest of May... save for my next psychologist/therapist appointment on the 31st.
we are working on my self-esteem and re programming my thinking. its hard and idk how much progress i am making... but i am journaling and trying and i hope i can work things out.



Monday, May 14, 2018

monday isnt even over

and i'm ready for the weekend.
i just want my oral surgery to be over so i can start getting better. i've got a lot of clarinet practice to do and i can't do it until weeks from wednesday. no good, guys.

my psychologist appointment was great today. he was chatty and we had a few laughs. but we made some goals and talked about self esteem and self worth. to think i am worth taking care of myself and stuff. I also have to start a second journal to work on some writing prompts with getting my thinking pattern on situations changed.
i'm really gonna try.
atleast he understands the impact of my nana's death on my mental state right now.
he isn't nagging me about getting over the mourning.
which i appreciate, especially from a psychologist.

so after wednesday i wont be able to eat hard solid food. or chewy. or idk. i have no idea what i will be able to eat after my tooth extractions heal. maybe nothing at all.
if i lose weight i will be so happy. so so happy. its like a secret happy thing for me.
i'll be forced to eat less. if at all? yeah

i dont know if i can eat for the crawfish boil but thats ok too



one random note today: i drank a diet coke! i never do that! lol

stan was nice enough to get me IHOP today so i had pancakes... having "last meals" hahah

i love my husband. he has been sick lately with sinus allergy stuff and he wont go to the doctor.... i wish he would. i know its just sinus but it might make it better faster? he cant afford to be sick with his work.

i hope he feels better soon.
i will be a baby after surgery so i dont wanna make him stressed out more with his being sick while i'm a weakling.

i guess i'm gonna play some pokemon now

i practiced clarinet already today.
i will do it tomorrow
after that i dont think i will be able to do it for weeks. or a month. or two idek.


i love my husband.... he makes me laugh and keeps me taken care of and i hope i can take care of him too. i'm trying. i'm really trying.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

this week so far

so for most of the weekend and first of the week we had no internet here at the house lololol
we LIVE IN THE WOODSSSSS

ahhhh



on wedensday i had an oral surgeon consultation appointment where we talked and looked over what we were gonna do when we take my teeth out
it was terrifying but apparently... the insurance i have because of stan is very good and i will be able to get implants so i can eat..... later this year.... one thing at a time
gotta get 4 teeth pulled first

ugh

i feel so horrible because i didn't take care of my teeth
and i get mad because i know other people who dont and their teeth arent falling out so its like.... wtf... not fair... it must be genetics i dunno



also on wednesday we went to the last concert my highschool band director is going to direct. he is retiring
or has retired
as of last night
it was amazing and he had the beginning band and middle band and the highschool band all play and then he had people from his past teaching experiences play with the group and it was just amazing

i need to play clarinet more and especially the next few days because after i get my teeth out i dunno how long it will be until i can play again


so next wednesday i am getting my teeth out.


but on next monday i have to see the psychologist
and i dont even know what to expect from that seriously like i've never done this before i've had therapist but not psychologist


i just feel grateful every day that stan is in my life and helping me and im trying to take care of him the best i can

i know you read this and i am sorry for any and alll things that you may have seen or heard or read
but there is nothing i can do about it now, its in the past.

i am trying to be better
a better person
and that's all i can do

Friday, May 4, 2018

today i filled in some holes lol

in the YARD

our dogs love to dig holes in the yard--- i think they are after moles or something under ground

and these holes fill up with leaves and you can tell they are holes and this is dangerous for my husband!!!!!

and other people too... but really dangerous for him

so i am taking my booty outside and shovelling some dirtt today haha

tomorrow we are going to see the INFINITY WAR movie... FINALLLLLLLYYYYY.

I am so excited, we are going early so i need to make sure i shower tonight because I dont wanna have to get up at 5am and start gettng ready... the showing is at 11 and yall know i take forever to get ready for stuff.

my kitty just came and loved on me a lot so i need to go pay attention to her

I just thought i would give an update.

I gotta start cleaning up the house for the crawfish bowl here in a few weeks!!! omggg

all i can say at this point is thank god for prozac

the psychiatrist has agreed to put me back on the 60 mgs of prozac i was on when i started seeing him and that has been able to pull me out ...