Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Terrible Tuesday

Today was my appointment to get my meds rewrite and the lady and I were talking so much that she forgot to give me my Rx and I didn't even notice because I am so nervous and just trying to not freak out in general.
I didn't realize I didn't have the Rx until I got all the way home and it was after 5pm so the clinic was closed. I have to call in the morning and see if they can let Stan pick it up for me. Or I might have to go back in and get it.
I am scared they will accuse me of lying and just asking for more meds and that they won't give it to me.

It took me 2.5 hours to get ready this morning. I left at 1pm to get there for a 2:30pm appointment. They didn't see me until 2:55.
I had to sit in the hallway because the people in the waiting room make me nervous and I can feel them staring at me and judging me and think that I'm fat and ugly and stupid and that I don't have a mental illness I just want attention and they think I should just go jump off a bridge.
This is what I go through when I go out in public.
I was afraid to drive my car today. I was afraid I would wreck. And I almost did and that scared the shit out of me. I was afraid the car would break down. I was afraid somebody would harass me in the clinic or the store when I went on the way home.

I had an anxiety attack waiting to check out at Walmart. And the lady in front of me was having issues with her card and it just made it worse I was shaking and sweating and I thought I was going to collapse. It feels like I stood there for 20 mins waiting. I was fanning myself with a piece of paper and I kept picking up candy bars and check the calories and putting them back and checking again and comparing between the two and i was trying to do any to distract myself from the panic building. I ended up getting a cookies and Creme candy bar. It had less calories than most of them.

I am so glad to be home and I am so exhausted from being in town. The heat makes it worse because it draws the energy out of you when you sweat and get hot.

I wore my other new shirt that I bought with the money my father in law gave me. I am so grateful for the money he gave me. I didn't expect it at all.

I am going to try and relax tonight and...... I gotta go the dishes and clean the kitchen......
But I just got really sick nauseated and weak. So I am laying down for a sec ughhhh

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