Thursday, May 11, 2017

havent blogged in a while

i havent blogged in a while. nothing much had happened.

we went yard sale hopping this past saturday and i got a dress that i can wear to an awards thing in june with stan for the radio station getting awards.. i have never went before but alex took sagen last year so i should go and make stan look nice i guess. lol
its a black dress with frilly stuff at the bottom. its a little loose on me which is good. and i plan to lose more weight so it will be even more loose but that is okay too because i dont like my clothes to be tight on me.

i apparently caught a stomach bug because i was on the toilet all night the other day and was nauseated and now stan is sick and on the toilet all day and night, so bad that he took off work. so we have a day to lay around together today

i have been cycling on a stationary fan bike and i love it.. its the best thing ever. i only wish it was like the bikes at para where the handle bars dont move but the resistance starts low and gets harder and then slacks off. some fancy cycling bikes imitate a bike ride where you have to pedal harder for a bit and then its less and then its more and that would be cool too... but i like having a bike here in the house because i dont have to worry about people staring at me at para... i know stan would pay for me to have a membership if i asked but i dont want it...now that we have this bike here that doesnt make as much noise... i dont have to wear ear buds to hear my phone play music. i can just turn it up and let it play and i can hear it.
the best thing about cycling is i feel better in general.. i mean right after i dont feel good but later on in the day i feel better. the endorphins and shit are helping with my depression i guess. i dont know. i just know i gotta make myself do it. its really hard some days.. and i'm only cycling 10 mins... sometimes i go 15 mins... i am so out of shape its ridiculous... i get tired doing simple things and that is not okay... i need to make myself work out and get stronger so i can do stuff without almost passing out all the time.

i am almost done with pokemon x and i am at the victory road and and i wont start it because i am not ready and i am sad because i want the game to last as long as possible... though i still have pokemon sun to play after that because i restarted it... and then if i really get bored theres the sapphire and ruby remakes they made for 3ds that stan could order online if i asked. but i think i want a Harvest Moon game for the 3ds. i need to get games for it and use it because i nagged him about getting it for me and i better damn well use the thing damn it.. other wise i will feel guilty as hell.

i'm almost done with the last Frank McCourt book... its called "Teacher man" and i love it... after that i have "crazy in alabama" which was made into a movie... and i think its "high fidelity" and then "the lovely bones" and two danielle steel books that we got at the yard sales.

dad hasnt found a job and nobody seems to want to hire him so we have no idea what is going to happen and he is doing yard work to keep from going insane and i dont know what to do and its making me insane on top of my anxiety and depression and i dont know what the hell is going to happen to this family..
theres alot of shit about to go down and i dont even know.. just... jesus christ can we get a break here please for fucks sake

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