Monday, August 29, 2016
I slept through sunday completely. I was so tired from doing so much saturday night.
I dont even remember... just... i was so out of it. It was like sunday never happened.
today i woke up in a really bad mood and i dont know why..
i spent most of today in bed reading a book... lady smut books lol
its so early... i feel like days take forever to pass. it makes me depressed.. i have nothing to do all day. it drives me insane.
I started reading more of the fantasy/sci-fi book i am reading and its getting really good. i get annoyed when something interrupts me while i'm reading it though.. lol i guess you could call that the bookwormgrumpies
Friday, August 26, 2016
it turn 11:11 while we were signing the stuff and that made me happy... 11:11 is one of my things....
I wanted to have the reception at 3:33 but the timing is not exact for that.. so we just said 3.
So now we are half way to being married
after that we went to Pearl Garden and had lunch with my mom... i had some delicious Orange chicken and two scoops of fried rice and and egg rolls.. needless to say i am STUFFED from that even now at 8 pm
Mom gave me some of her vape juice so i am okay to go.. she gave me a sample of her strawberries and cream... and also something that should taste like mountain dew baja flavor.. whatever that is..
i hope its good cause i dont wanna have to go to the store since we decided not to go today.
The book i'm reading that sci-fi has started getting good and i am excited about it...but i feel bad because the book is over 700 pages and its a big book with small print and that is going to take me along time to read
and i'm 9 books behind on my reading goal for 2016
but i have these trash novels to read instead in the mean time.. i guess i will read those when i need something to speed read and get my book count up... and read the stuff i want when i want to be actually entertained.
i waited until this evening to post on facebook about our marriage license and a lot of people are liking and commenting...
i just hope everything goes well on the 10th..
and we have the 9th to get through. before the 10th... i need to find something to wear to the counseling and also to the tiny little ceremony we are having to go through to get it done.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
on friday stan and i are going to the courthouse to get the papers
also on friday stan is going to take me to a shop to get ejuice for my vape cause i'm running low
saturday there is an event with APR that i am going to attend (which i am saving my cigarettes for lol)
and its at Druid City Brewing its the Put the Pub in Public Radio
and Sagen will be there so I have someone to talk to.. that is the best thing. if she wasnt going i wouldn't go
it wont be a long event so i think i can handle it
then there may or maynot be something going on after that at alex and sagen's house
it would be nice to play cards against humanity.. i haven't played in a while and since my medicine is good that would be awesome to do
we have decided to get married officially on sept 9th so that is the day. 9/9
the preacher wont marry us without having a meeting with us before the event
a kind of counseling
so i guess that is okay... i guess
i didnt really want that but its so hard to find a person to marry us that we have to do what we have to do.
i did some laundry today
apparently my Nana was in the hospital today and i don't know why
So about the reception
its happening at the Lion's club next to the school..
it's an "i do" BBQ so there is barbeque and i wanted stuff for people who don't like what is smoked or grilled so we have decided to get some chicken tenders that are breaded
and My cousin april asked about bringing stuff and I suggested Mac and Cheese for the kiddos and people who don't want potato salad baked beans.. rolls of bread obviously
from the looks of it i will probably be eating chicken tenders and mac and cheese myself, ya know? lol
Stan's friend from work Jennifer is going to make our cake as the wedding gift to us.. I want two tier.. purple flowers green ivy and the triskele on the top in gold.
speaking of gold i have those gold heels to wear
its all happening man... i'm getting married.
Monday, August 22, 2016
today i unloaded the dishwasher and put up the clothes in the dryer
i took out the trash in the bathroom and i checked the mail.
i moved my car because there is a bird that sits in the tree same spot every day and just shits on my car. over and over
its ridiculously annoying.
like this bird does nothing but sits and shits on my car..
the reception is coming up really soon and i'm starting to get nervous about just about everything ever.
what happens when this and that and what ..... i am scared for a few reasons
1. Chloe might be overwhelmed by my cousin's kids
2. Martin might get shat on by everybody because he will be the only black guy there. BUT I NEED HIM THERE OKAY. DAMN IT. END OF DISCUSSION.
3. my family might bring booze and this is a not liquor event (unfortunately)
4. my family is insanely loud and weird
i have decided to save money and wear a dress i already have so that is good. plus it looks like me and and feels good to wear... i'm gonna wear my boots with ... wait wait wait.. i bought those gold shoes i need to wear them haha yessss.. "in" gold get it
i hope my medication adjustment is working i dont want to be a depressed slob anymore... i hate myself for being so slobbish there is so much i need to do in the apartment to clean and i am getting overwhelmed thinking about it.... eeeep
i haven't played pokemon in a while and neither has stan.. so that is making me sad.. i wish he would charge is tablet so he could play it again.
we bought eggs at dollar tree!!! 18 eggs for $1 medium sized eggs and they are delicious i ate a fuck ton of eggs today and also a grilled cheese sandwich. and some cheeze its. though not the good cheeze its.... the best ones are baby swiss .... the normal ones are blah. and i ran out of baby swiss so i have to eat the normal ones for now..
tomorrow i will attempt to do more things and hope my medicine is working.
the bathtub/shower could use a good scrubbing and i should mop the floors.
.... i should really vacuum too
i need to kick my ass into house wife mode
i mean i'm gonna be a house wife right
so i need to keep things tidy
and stop being a horrible slob
Sunday, August 21, 2016
i have drank a whole bottle already and its not even 4pm
i'm really bored
i could play pokemon but i dont really want to
and i also dont wanna read this book right now
Stan and I are playing words with friends and he is kicking my ass like.. hard
people keep asking me about the wedding and reception and i just dont have anything to tell them. there isnt anything to really say. we arent doing anything fancy and we are having trouble finding someone to marry us because the fucking courthouse doesnt do marriages anymore they just hand out the certificates and tell you to go somewhere else. piece of shit that is.
so now we have to find a person who can marry us
atleast i have my divorce papers right now and i hope i dont forget them because i have to have them to get married again
more stupid shit, in my opinion
i want more wine
but this is the last of it.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
i have to start writing in invitations to our party soon the address for the lions club is weird so that bothers me and makes me think it might not work with GPS but hopefully everything will go fine. lets hope i have a good hand writing day lol god knows my hand writing has been shit lately
I'm reading lots of books. cheap trashy lady romance books. but i love it an they are quick reads for me.
its just like.. i read the books and i gotta know what happens so i keep reading.
I went to my appointment with the lady who gives me my meds and she reluctantly increased my prozac... so hopefully we will see improvement soon. I just can't lay in bed like this anymore.
stan is on his way home... he is stopped and getting CHICKEN For DINNER.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Stan cooked for me yesterday. made me eggs and grilled cheese!
Friday, August 12, 2016
My therapist is trying to convince me that i'm not ready to get married because i'm in a depressive episode right now. But she couldn't be more wrong.
I wanted to yell at her but i couldn't do such a thing. I just sat there in silence and nodded along with whatever she said. then she decided to tell me that this is the least responsive and most blank i've been with her since i've started seeing her.
I'm blank most days now. Or asleep.
I am reading books again. Sleezy Danielle Steel but still its a book and I can focus on it.. thought Steel is pretty easy reading. so that makes it better.. i need something to read that isn't so hard to handle.
I love the vape pen we bought from my mother. though i am sccared about when i have to change the filter because it seemed complicated and i dont want to fuck it up and then we have wasted the money and have nothing. i'm smoking one cigarette a day. sometimes two. which isnt that much less because i was only smoking about 4 a day before. but its better in the grand scheme of things i think.
i seem to have hit a roadblock with pokemon white 2 i need to pull up a walk through and see what the fuck is going on. i already changed my party since i last updated because i realized i needed a flying pokemon for sure. so i had to get rid of gigalith or whatever it was that huge rock pokemon. which made me sad but the other option was to keep him and get rid of electric or grass and i really really REALLY am into keeping all my bases covered. so i have a drifblim with some ghost moves and the ability to fly instead.
the real reason i am updating is to tell everyone that i got my computer screen fixed and i can use my computer to its fullest capacity again. before it was all fucked up and the screen looked like an acid trip but dad got the connector for the screen to the rest of it and installed it (because my dad is the shit, the best dad ever) and now i have my chromebook back and its lie brand new.
today is friday and stan needs to make a call so we can determine what day i will be going to my parents house next week with the babies. also i have a meeting with Connie (the NPR that gives me my meds) on tuesday so i hope against hope it doesn't interfere with that because there isnt any way for me to get into seeing connie again any time soon. She has been on vacation for the past week and now she is back and taking all the people that she was supposed to see... so long story short it would be a nightmare to reschedule with her. like probably impossible.
i'm rewatching House and i'm at the part with House and Cuddy are a legit thing and it makes me all happy and sad and weird feeling about the show. All I do is watch House most days...save for when i read or play pokemon.
i'm running out of food to eat at the apartment-- not really... but the snack food that i dont have to cook, i am. which makes me just want to not eat. because i dont want to eat this ramen or salt filled soups. i'm already the size of a whale can we just not add to that with sodium bloating? thanks.
I need to keep writing in my paper journal. i was doing it a lot and then i stopped because... i dont know.
i wonder when stan will get up... i hope he doesn't sleep in too late. i always worry about that. every day.
so this is my buttcrack of dawn friday morning post.
thanks for reading.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
This weekend I have been at my parents house and it's been a pretty good time. We worked on the details for the wedding reception invitations and what foods we want to have there. I got really overwhelmed by all the things we have gotr to get together before Sept 10th...
We ate Mexican on Saturday for lunch... And we went to the restaurant that Stan and it had our first date at. So that was fun for me. Nostalgia is always good.
After that we went to the grocery store for some things that we needed for dinner. We also stopped by the dollar general near the house to get me some shorts to lounge in because I forgot all of mine and all I had to wear was my Jean shorts.
Saturday night my parents cooked a ham and we had beans and potatoes. The ham was so good. And of course I ate all the potatoes because they are my jam.
Stan played a lot of pokemon while we were here and that makes me smile.
Today has been a slow day and I have played pokemon and done sudodku puzzles and read in a book I started back in the first half of the year. I'm now 50 percent done with it.
Stan is going home now but I am staying here until tomorrow night. The babies will be staying with me. Not sure what I'm gonna do all day tomorrow.
I gotta stop writing and help Stan leave. So TTYL Internet.
the psychiatrist has agreed to put me back on the 60 mgs of prozac i was on when i started seeing him and that has been able to pull me out ...
so the weekend get away was great. we gave decided to do that more often. it was really good for us. mentally and emotionally and as a coupl...
So... The festival was yesterday. And we had bad luck with the shepards hill place again. I tried it last year and didn't sell anything....
I have finally gotten all the Christmas cards we plan to send ready. Now I gotta get to post office. They will probably be late but I tried ...