Thursday, March 31, 2016

cant sleep might as well update

the festival is not this weekend.. but the next.
i am making long chains of beads to make long versatile no clasp necklaces for people to wear as one really long necklace or double it up or wrap it around their wrist idk its the same thing as i did with the other necklace/bracelet combo item but this one is longer and has the potential of being two colors if they wanted two different colors...
i thought i might sell them at the festival as.. customize your own length
but i think i might just do one really long chain and connect it  and sell that as is? i will have to see how long these chains of beads are... some of them i can do that with.. others are not long enough.

so tonight has been the LONGEST NIGHT EVER
like
seriously
every time  we say this its long but i ~*~*~*~* SWEARRRRRRR*~**~*~*~* this one is for really real the longest lmao

STORMS ARE COMING THEY ARE COMINGGGGGGGG





yeah i dunno i am gonna go ..... do .. something.. maybe i will even take a sleepsssssss

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Week summary.....

from monday till saturday night and gooo


MONDAY NIGHT




monday night i went grocery shopping.. at dollar tree and aldi 


DOLLAR TREE
  • razors
  • tiny nail sparkle art vials to empty out and use for jewelry design shit
  • tapioca
  • cola
  • lipstick stuff



then went to 

ALDI
  • milk
  • apples 
  • pretzels
  • chips (sea salt and cracked pepper)
  • breakfast biscuits


i then proceeded to stay up all night making jewelry of some kind
i dont really remember what it was though








TUESDAY

 i stayed awake all day until evening and crashed
i ate a fuck ton and watch Grey's Anatomy
I also took a much needed laxative because after the weekend eating my body was like "um no lets keep all this shit" literally irl




WEDNESDAY
 i made jewelry  and other nonsense.  i sat outside for a while on the found because it was awesomeeeee.. feel so good outside most days right now.. i know it wont last long.. soon it will be HOTTER THAN HELL and the good feels will be gone gone gone





THURSDAY
I did chores 
I had THERAPYYYYYY and it was okay... like.. good okay.. and stuff-- STAN WENT WITH ME AND TALKED TO MY THERAPIST AND AYAYAYAYAYAY YAY

very good
then i decided i wanted pizza on thursday because... therapy was exhausting and damn it i wanted it

and we watched ~*GAME OF THRONES*~ on the TEEVEEEES 






FRIDAY
i made some jewelry and went to bed early
i am either wide awake or falling asleep i have no medium
lol


SATURDAY (TODAY)
i woke up early and took the dog out and did some little stuff-- dishes and what not then I put my big girl panties on and told stan we needed things from the store
everytime i ask him for things i feel bad and he always gets grumpy
like im sorry
ok
maybe i should just let us run out of stuff and then make him buy it?
but the time we run out will be staggered over many days and he will have to run to store all the time for days
at random
because he gives me no money
and i dont want him to walk that much it hurts him =(
these are the things i think about and decide to not ask for things
and when i do i get the grumpy bear reaction
i cant win
after the festival i will have my money and i will buy whatever i want
i dont care if i spend it on the house
i just will fell glad to not have to ask him for every god damn quarter i need to spend
it hurts me
i feel like a worthless piece of shit
i know i could sell my jewelry on etsy if i took the time to manage an online shop and promote or if i went and found a boutique here in town that wanted my stuff to sell (its very possible, theres quite a few that have popped up)

i dont know i just.. maybe i should do these things on my own and go out there and hunt down these possible business connections since nobody is going to help me anymore
i need gas money for that though

i am relying on a man too much
and its driving me insane


STAN SAID I HADNT BLOGGED IN A WHILE WELL HERE YOU GO HONEY-- i'm sorry this is bad feels for you probably
this month has bee hard financially for reason out of our control

 and i cant help but blame myself for it after losing my food stamps

maybe i should go back to work and the reapply
if i'm stable i dont see why not... i mean... i would have money AND food stamps (just not as much food stamps)
maybe i shouldnt sell myself short
maybe i can work somewhere
maybe i am not as batshit as i think
maybe its all in my head
oh WAIT IT IS
IN MY HEAD
THE MENTAL ILLNESS
THAT NOBODY CAN SEE
SO NOBODY TAKES IT SERIOUSLY
that thing

i am all kinds of pissed now
and its almost 3am
i'm gonna stop now

oh wait i wasnt done lol

 SO WE WENT TO THE STOREEEEE
and on the way home he got me cigarettes which i didnt expect
no primatene though
oh well
he also stopped and let me pick dandelion seed heads for the dandelion wish necklaces i'm making for the festival ... i empty out previously mentioned tiny glass vials of their.. glitter and shit and put dandelion seeds in there and super glue the tops on and put on a chain and TADA
dandelion wish necklace
HOW FUCKING WHIMSICAL IS THAT
$5 a pop
each one costs approx $1 to make not counting labor.. which is the hard part i have to run around this shady ass apartment complex with a plastic bag and pick flowers... and all these people think i'm batshit
lol
and then i have to use tweezers and put them in the little vials and make it look neat as possible and so tiny so so so tiny

i checked on Mac's cat, Murphy, and he clawed my arm .. its not deep or anything but i bruise easily and i have that weird. blood bruise under the skin that hurts lol..
also- i am not mad at all about it...  i know the little man and he is just... a handful. plus i know cats. i am the cat whisperer (or so i like to think)
 he respects me enough to stop once i snap my finger when he does it.. he is very lovey and then bites and claws and you and purrs the whole time. he doesnt mean to be mean, really. he just didnt learn the boundary between play fighting and fighting and playing i think
a lot about cats is giving them respect .. and understanding their needs they can sense your attitude. murph knows i am not intimidated by him. i like him. most of the time he doesnt scratch me at all. he just so happened to climb in my lap this time and rub on my arm and then go at it... he usually doesnt get in my lap just around my legs and feet. 
he didnt want to interact with me much after the rubbing and a little play fighting... i guess i dont fight back and react like he expects so he is not interested... he probably wants me to freak out so he can be entertained... cats are silly like that... he got bored lol. anyways
he went to the window to watch the kids outside so i left after sitting for about 20 mins (i checked his food and water obviously, duh) i would have stayed longer but i was falling asleep 
and i didnt want to randomly fall asleep on mac's couch haha
so i got up and went home 
blaaaahh

i made a fuck ton of... well... jewelry inventory stock chain.. like.. the same color beads chained up like rosary linked beads kind of? chained bead? i have them wrapped around a things so there's a spool of different bead chains and i will make necklaces on the fly with charms at the festival.. i will have charms for use and they can bring their own if they have one or buy something from another vendor and want it done i dont know whatever!
i feel way more comfortable this year and i am excited to do this festival
here is a photo from the fall festival that we did that bombed because it was the first game game of the alabama football season and yall know nobody is going to be at a festival in a park they are gonna be at the game or at home watching it and cooking

this was right before i started losing weight i can see my arm fats ughhhhhh grossss
yeah i have lots of nice professional stuff for displaying stuff now yayayayayayayay





Monday, March 21, 2016

friday sat sunday monday

on friday we had pizza and watch game of thrones and i went to sleep early and woke up and had cleaning spree and cleaned the office up a bit... its nice in there and i feel good about ittttt

then went back to bed?
i cant remember


saturday i woke up and did shit like shower and pack and i dont even remember now...
we packed up and went to my parents house and had an ok time except for some turd heads were there and ruined our chillaxin but it was cool i made a chain of beads like i was knitting and that was cool

we are hot wings (SO SO GOOD I WANTED TO EAT MORE BUT I COULDNT MY CHEST SAID NO)

i got to relax and sleep and it felt good

i even went back to sleep after i woke up and got ready
just cause i could

we went home and went to walmart for sugar free parfaits and yogurt and primatene
then we went and got chinese and i got a small box and let stan have one of the sections of the sides
I started some laundry
we watched game of thrones but i think i missed most of the second episode because i fell asleep

woke up monday today
i had no idea stan did his lunch meal cooking so he cooked last night after i went to bed and that is cool

today i changed the bedsheet
and i am hanging up clothes in a second
and i want to sort out the rest of the food for stans lunches

and i dunno i need to make something before my head explodesss

Friday, March 18, 2016

went to get my meds and funny thing is...

I went to the mental health clinic to get samples of my meds because my shit hasn't come in the mail yet
I come home and they have mailed them to me on this day. wtffff... they didnt even.. what the fuck.



so i come home to that little twist of FATE

and then when i decide okay-- now i need to fill up my pill case cause i have the pills for it... i see how messy my side of the bedroom is and i cannot handle it at all.. like.. AT ALLL.... so i pull everything out of there and use the vacuum and the hand tool thing and suck up all the shit in the carpet around the cracks and such of the bed and dresser and night stand and shit
its so clean now
it felt SO FUCKING GOOD
i think i had an "ocd-gasm" that what i'm calling it

so i did that and i dont know what i did for a bit i think i ate some food

and then called stan and told him stuff??? and then i waited  for stan to get home
or something
i dont remember

WE HAD PIZZA AND WATCHED GAME OF THRONES AND THEN I PASSED OUT (slept so hard... #resetbutton)
AND WOKE UP
AND WE HAD LONG DISCUSSION ABOUT FAITH AND SHIT
AND I AM GOING TO WORK A NEW SPELL that i feel is more in line with the original plan i set forth last year so that gives it more power

the virginia thing was a hail mary
but we can get what we want another way
its just gonna take a lot of work behind the scenes
there's a tarot card that actually says that and i drew it recently
i need to get time to talk to Karen and do a reading for her. that is on my to do list for this next week or so.

THEN I CLEANED UP THE OFFICE AND THERE IS ROOM TO USE THE BIKE AND  THERE WILL BE ACCESS TO THE DESK AS WELL WOOOO #springcrazys got me like wooooooooooooo #bipolarperks lol ALL THE ENERGIES




tomorow we are sleeping in and then going to my parents house for one night and coming back
i have stuff at mom and dads that i need to bring home and i need to take my jewelry up there so we can inventory it and decide what to make 
 we will organize the stuff and have what we want to display for sure on top of the restock back up products and put it away until time for festival its soon but not i have time.. its not like i dont already have everything.. i do



i've gained like.. 5 pounds and its driving me ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT
but i have just cleaned up the office


some of this could be in the other blog but i dont give two shits right now
i might copypasta some of it into an entry over there
this is the copy pasta btw edited for your taste... pg-13. maybe??? idk lmao

right now i need to finish writing in my actual journal and update my planner and day log

AHOYYYYYYYY

SO GLAD KARENS STUFF MADE IT OK
WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE MUG GETTING CRUSHED =(

Thursday, March 17, 2016

thursday was an ok day

I woke up at 6am
did lots of stuff (dishes, ran dishwasher... other stuff i forget now lol) and got dressed really early
saw stan off to work
went to Barnes and Noble and just RELAXED

 .. i wrote down some names for characters in my book... and spent a lot of time trying to get my tablet to connect to the wifi without any success. lol it was... RIDICULOUSLY FRUSTRATING
i played in my planner and wrote a tiny bit in my journal

i listened to a table of old ladies bitch about young people and agreed with most of the things they had to say
then i went to the mall and wandered around. bought a bracelet at Earthbound


yes i need to dust my keyboard/computer

then i went to the cheap asian fashion place and got stuff to make jewelry and came home and set up a workspace in the livingroom


and i made some stuff

this goes from smaller to medium to large beads and its a long necklace.. i think its pretty cool

the offwhite larger beads are mother of pearl very raw and natural.. looks better in person and with flash.
i like the tiny heart earrings too...

not completely happy with the way this turned out but metal tassel necklaces are going to be something i want to sell in april because its different and popular or has the potential to be. i need to get a lot of cheap chain or round up what little bits i have lying around




so yeah i'm in the groove again ~*THE GROOOOOOOOVE*~

#feelsgoodman

will post more later about what i am makingggg






Monday, March 14, 2016

march 11 through 13th and today...

soooo. packed up before stan got off worked on friday. Stan picked up pizza on the way home to get me.. we haul ass to my parents house with Herc and Lilly

I gave mom her angel plant that I had been wanting to give her forever they finally had one again and she likes it i think, i dont know

We ate pizza and watched Blazing Saddles on friday night

I barely slept over night... I took Herc around 3:33
I got up early and I took a power cat nap from noon until 1pm

My dad smoked Boston Butt, Kim brought potato salad. mom made baked beans and bread and delicious desserts
 Kim brought Brian with her.. Gordon went and got Krista..

gordon went to work and Krista stayed at the house
we played dice and then David and Lauren came and ate and we started a second game of dice but I could not finish because I was too anxious

we stayed at my parents house for longer than i thought i we would on sunday but it was okay because i finally got to sleep good
took lots of naps and sleeps and yay

we came home and went and got chinese and watched game of thrones and i crashed and slept

and today was... pretty intense

i feel really sick
like... drained and exhausted in ways that i dont know...

im watching greys anatomy again
i think wednesday is going to be a good day

i have a lot of feels
weird vibes

idk

Friday, March 11, 2016

finally going to see my parents this weekend

we are leaving in an hour or so and going to my parents house... having pizza with them and watching some kind of movie probably... stan is going to probably set them up on his netflix account so they can watch stuff and we can have all those things to maybe watch with them this weekend... if they want to use their interwebs data

i am nauseated but i will be okay.. i just gotta make it to dinner or something
peppermints are helping a little bit
i need to walk the dog and check the mail and get everything ready for leaving and packing the car
i dont wanna take my chromebook because its too much to take
i already have a lot that i'm taking and i hate taking more
i made a necklace for myself with beads spaced out in the numbers 1 - 3 - 6 - 7 - 11
and its pretty awesome and i love it
ahhhhh the nausea blaahhh

my little brother got a job finally (again) and its where i worked my first real job and i hope he does better than i did... he is better with people than i am so i think he will be okay

i guess i will go now
need to take out some garbage before we leave too because i dont want the nasty stuff to smell bad when we get back from my parents house

Saturday, March 5, 2016

late saturday update

this week was a hell of a rollercoaster ride and i had no idea there was an eclipse next week to boot so now i know why energy is wonky and it will all make sense later onnnn

march 2 was the WORST day
march 3 gave me hope
my period started
i had a lot of synchronicity
i did a VERY productive tarot card reading and also another one later in the day or the next i cant remember that i didnt write down and its all... its all going to happen something is happening this spring
we just dont know exactly what it is

it definitely seems like we will be moving somewhere new
maybe out of this apartment or our of the state
way too many synchronicities going on to not have something going to happen
it might just but that we get a boost in pay somehow or something and move out of this place and life here gets better *coughcoughpatmysteriouslydisappearscoughcough*
or something

FRIDAY
on friday i started up a package for Jessy --- we ate delicious pizza and watch game of thrones woooooooo
i also caught up with Jess(ica Crowe) and i have good feels now that she is talking to me. i have to do a blessing for her she is having surgery and that is scary and i love her and yeah =X (note to self look up herbs corresponding to gallbladder and liver??? just for intent and thought)

SATURDAYYYY
today i woke up and well, i didnt get much sleep at all. and i have been running a fever but i was determined to go to the bookstore and mall with Stan so i got pretty and wore one of the shirts he got me last spring that i have worn like ONCE and it was awesome i think everybody loved it.. it definitely made me feel pretty

we went to barnes and noble first and i looked at a loot of things... checked out the palahniuk-- nothing i havent read in stock. booooo. went to bio and saw a bunch of Augusten Burroughs and made mental note to try and find them used somewhere because i want to read them badly but i dont want to be $15. i might just sit there and read all day for a few days and keep track of where i am in the book seems like a #frugalbitchisfrugal thing to do, yes?

i looked at journals for my writing an also for writing prompt exercises and they had none of the ones i wanted and nothing i wanted for my special personal journals
kind of lame
like everything was so ornate and expensive i wanted to barf i could get a book and make it look that way myself with proper things
that is something that happens a loot lately "WHY SHOULD I BUY THIS WHEN I CAN MAKE IT AND I GET SATISFACTION OF MAKING IF I MAKE IT TWO BIRDS ONE STONE"

WE GOT LUNCH at applebee's FISH AND CHIPS ALWAYS I LOVE IT
there was a group of young teenagers like... 13-18 kiddos sitting near us and i went to the bathroom and the there was somebody in the other stalll and there is only two stalls so when i went in the stalls were full. the three girls came in and were all loud and obnoxious and young girls tend to be and they were singing songs that were playing on the audio system and then they said "can you hurry up?" and i just stood there like ARE YOU SERIOUS... fuck you.. so i took my time and they left the bathroom before i was done.
when i opened my stall the other stall door opened and it was a little old lady who could barely walk and she had this look of disgust on her face... and i was standing there thinking "oh sweetie i know.... they are little cunts arent they" and she hobbled out the door.
i washed my hands and went back to eat and they were-- as i said sitting by us.. i had to walk by their table to get to mine.. i gave them the stink eye lol
and said a little loudly, but not too loudly "they're just being little cunts"

they gave the waitresses a hard time and it made me fucking furious
=(
then they left and we left and we went to SPENCERS and we looking at fake leather corset things for me and they walked in there... and they were all like "OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS"
i walked by them said quite loudly "you LITTLE fucking CUNTS" and we sat outside and waited for them to leave before we went back in to look around.. the people there were kind of unhappy with them too. they are just some bad kids. man. ugh

they made fun of everything and everybody they could. and its just... seriously... shut the fuck up and shop or eat or whatever. like... seriously
uh so after that i went to the

~*Fashion Jewelry*~ store where i got bought three bangle bracelets and a spinner ring to spin when i am anxious in public and want to run but cant and need to DO SOMETHING
its perfect =3
banglessssss

spinnnnnnnerzzzzzzzz
and more after the break yo

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

half day humping march 2nd

today i did a bad thing and went to the store and bought stuff i shouldn't have because i was supposed to save my money for gas but i wanted a project so i am happy today and i have made things

anyways

i made a wreath of easter eggs!!!!! i never used a hot glue gun for something so big before so it was really messy and you can see the glue everywhere. but its ok.. my first try!

tiny egg wreath yay

i also made magnets!!!
the ale 8 bottle cap ones are the besttttt
i wanna make ones with big flat glass decor marbles and scrap bookpaper

the little purple one is just a glass thingy with no paper so its plain but its cute
conch shells and random pendants that i dont think i will ever use

i am almost out of hot glue sticks
boo


i have lots of happys now
making stuff and decorating for project is something i need to do on the regular so i can have something to keep me going

i might watch Fuller House because i need to watch something... and I cant watch Tudors because... i get it mixed up with Game of Thrones.... Im rewatching Nurse Jackie but its going really fast

hmmmm

i think i should read or write or journal
or... i dont know



i kind of want to make jewelry
but i cant find my GOD DAMN PLIERS

I FOUND MY PLIERS
made the tassel necklace and sold it for $7
she took photos of the other UA stuff so that is another potential sale

i came home and washed the fuck out of some dishes cause i had the feel goods and wanted to clean shit up
and then herc had a seizure so i am sitting with him right now yes i can blog and do that at the same time yay mobile apps
i am going to read and pet him until stan get home i guess i dont know



Tuesday, March 1, 2016

tuesday tuesday tuesday

today we are going to (hopefully) go get my meds and his at walmart... i say hopefully because he has to stay at the radio station late today for election coverage stuff and i really really hope he gets off work in time for us to go to the pharmacy and get our medicine

also apples i really want some apples

my period isnt supposed to start until thrusday apparently now that i have look at my shit properly
i hate being a woman this is so complicated fml

i get really excited and then i realized i am not going to be pregnant probably so fuck it

here is shit like boobs and shit
and me
and boobs and stuff

i cant adult today =X


okay so i got the antsy and went to look behind the fence in the back of the apartment complexes where they put the furniture over flow shit and found a cot that i fixed upp
cotttt