Thursday, November 26, 2015

its 7am on turkeyday

i am wide awake and getting ready to drive out to my mom's house
sleep did good but i slept very odd.. deeply, but in small spurts. of an hour at a time
oh well

atleast it feels like some of the humming and fog is gone from my head. though my eyes still have that weird feeling. maybe i just need a tiny bit more sleep and it will go away

the number on the scale has went down and what i see in the mirror looks even  LARGER than it was before.. i am so... just... the scale is lying to me... but its not.. i cant.. does not compute... i usually can see what i look like but i really cant at all.. i whole heartedly think my arms and legs and bigger than they were.. but they cant be... or my weight wouldnt be down. so wtf
its getting weird

but i am VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY close to my GOAL for the KY trip!!!
so i am happy
and
this weekend is a test of .... something

i have to take the scale with me, there is no other way i can make it through that many days with so much food
but i will eat just small amounts
and it will be okay
i want to eat one spoon full of everything that I like (i'm not gonna force myself to eat stuff i dont like, obviously lol)

i'm eating yogurt and tying away... i dont have much to do to get ready other than finish packing and throw some clothes on... i dont do much makeup and my hair is fine and i just have to round up the cat and gtfo

i am gonna get ready and head and update this again later


------


okay so its after thanksgiving mean and i am about to explode.
i ate a lot more than i wanted to and i dont know how i feel about that just yet.. and i wont know until i get on the scale and see what the damage it..
Nana was mostly okay today other than the time she got distracted looking around outside and ended up walking down the road to look at the house on the corner that we all hoped we could buy back into the family land when the people who married into the family and inherited it passed on but nope.. no such luck they sold it to someone else. but it *IS* someone who lives right here that we know and have known them a long time so i mean.... as bad as it is.. atleast its not a complete stranger... thats how i feel about it anyways.. i could be worse

i ate turkey, mashed potatoes.. and my green bean casserole was FUCKING EPIC GOOD.. like.. i cannot even.. i have no idea it was going to be that good. i am really excited it turned out that way... i added crushed up cheese nips to the french friend onions and parmesan cheese.

nana and paw paw have already left... gordon and Krista were here for the meal but they left cause they have to go do their thing

they are going to go to black friday hunting


i most definitely done eating today.

oh wow despicable me 2 is on FX???
i miss have tv hahaha
we are going to be at my parents house until sunday and i am going to a baby shower on saturday
i dont know if i am going by myself or if mom is going with me.... but its for douglas's wife, bama. she is having her FOURTH BABY
jesus christ
they need to leave some babies out there for the rest of us to have
haha lol jk i dont know if i can ever have kids... but i really want to AND IM GOING TO TRY LIKE HELLLLLLL

my mom just got really blown away because i am typing this entry and looking at her and watching what she is doing. lol old people who didnt grow up on computers are funnnnny
miss Lilly did moderately okay on the trip here.. she cried a lot of the time but it wasnt that bad..
there was a guy driving beside me on hwy 69 who was starting at me while i was petting her through the cage with one hand and driving with the other. i was also digging through my purse looking for a light and a lint brush and my lip gloss and yeah i am really bad about doing things while i am driving... when i'm manic i kind multi task for a lot of things.. like now how i am watching tv and listening to my parents and typing at the same time
its funny how sometimes i can barely focus on one thing but then other times i can do like.. four things at a time... i guess thats why when stan has been doubting me and if i can remember things or know things lately i am getting really defensive.. but i have to admit that for a while i didnt remember or couldnt do anything hardly at all, i cant really be upset because just a while ago i was kind of blaaaah



okay so i think i want to go eat some more of my green bean casserole lolololol omg i am going to get so fattttt


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