Friday, August 7, 2015

Late night update

I can't sleep so I thought I would blog for once. I'm still reading a lot. Also cooking and baking. And making jewelry. I am definitely doing better now that I have this extra 20mg of Prozac.

Which leads me to.... Looking at the risks involved with having a baby while on medication because I really honestly do want a to raise a child. And I want to do it with Stan. I want to have a family.
So time is ticking you know. I'm not that Young anymore... Sigh.
But I definitely want to be in a house and have my medical bills paid off first...And I hate that its my bills that are holding us back. I hate it. I makes me want to punch myself in the face. Like I'm so mad at....ugh ....ugh ugh ugh. Fml.

tomorrow I am getting up early.. Taking a shower. Baking a strawberry pie. And we are packing up and going to my parents house.. We need to look at the stuff for the next festival that's coming up.. Since my aunt Karen was so kind and gave me a lot of display stuff when she moved and had no where to store anything.
The festival is mid September and I am getting down to crunch time on making stuff. Planning the tent/booth layout... Need to take photos and promote on Facebook.. Get my family to promote me since we all live in the area and have for years.

After the festival I am hoping stan will take me to Panama city beach. I want to go so badly... Its so nostalgic for me. So very very nostalgic. Sitting by on the ocean front balcony all night listening to the waves hit the shore.. That was one of the first times I really felt the overwhelming need to write poetry. The motion of everything gave cadence and rhythm to my thoughts and It was such a serene moment.. Something about the sea has always called to me and I can never quite put my finger on what it is... I hope that maybe one of these days when I visit the mystery will be revealed to me.

Anyways..but before all that..
This coming week I am going to drive up to my parents house on Monday.. Visit with mom because her birthday is the 11th. And on Tuesday I am going to drive to my cousins house and stay with her for a night. I have never been to her house and she and I were so very close when we were younger... I miss her and I need a friend. So I am making an effort to reach out to her. Plus I know I can trust her.... And God knows I need someone to talk to other than my journal.. I filled up an entire journal front and back of pages in just two months.
That's a lot of internal dialogue. Lol

I have gotten a second cheap spiral note book for jotting down bits and pieces of prose and poetry. And then I have another book that is small and for my purse so I can write on the fly when I'm out somewhere and the mood hits me.

I have saved up writing prompts and plan to start tackling some of those. I'm gonna do it, damn it. I'm gonna get something published. Its on my bucket list!!!
. I don't know what the fuck its gonna be but I'm preparing for anything

And I am wide awake and its 1 am lol fffffffffff

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