Monday, May 25, 2015

Monday night.......

I miss my cat. She is at my parents house for a week while we go on vacation and I miss her so bad... She wasn't here to wake me up this morning... It was so weird. I'm used to her walking up to my side of the bed and cooing and murring and making her little talking noises to get my attention so I will get up and feed her breakfast. But she wasnt here.... I slept like three hours late. :(

Not that I had a schedule today. Today Was sleep in and rest day. But not having her precious little Kitty cat ways to start my day makes me a sad momma.

And then Stan and I got into a huge fight because I messed up things. I didn't mean to. But it doesn't matter. Still my fault. I just keep fucking shit up over and over. Its exhausting and scares me because I never know if this one thing will be the thing that makes him decided to get rid of me. I am going to be living in constant fear. Supposedly getting engaged was supposed to help ease this feeling but nope. Not for me. I'm to huge a fuck up to ever be allowed to let my guard down and be happy.
I just have to learn to live with it. And always have a bag packed just in case. Because I will never know. He gets so angry over things... I just have to accept it. I'm going to be walking on egg shells for the rest of my life.

Anyways I am trying to sleep.... I'm getting up at 5am tomorrow and showering and finishing packing the last things. And we will leave tomorrow morning for Kentucky.

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