Friday, March 20, 2015

wwoooooohoooo friday

I started this entry this morning and was busy all day.

Then I feel asleep
Was taking nap. Dreaming. Having huge panic attack in dream. Stan comes home in middle of it and walks into the room waking me up

(really important fyi side note: I am very very easily startled by people coming in to rooms or walking up behind me. I don't hear them. I think I must be to distracted by my thoughts.. I always scream bloody murder in terror... I think I am constantly in fight or flight. Or something.. I can think of any other reason for the symptoms I'm experiencing. It's almost like some kind of ptsd but not. Can't explain it. I think I might be having ptsd from being afraid of Brandon because he is so creepy and I am paranoid. I wasnt like this until after I broke up with him.....)
Uh

Anyways

I wake up.... Covered in sweat hot shaking disoriented out of breath... Completely disconnected from reality
And it's been over 30 mins since I woke up and can't shake this feeling

The dream wasn't about anything special it was nonsensical and weird but the things that were happening were very anxiety provoking

I feel like I didn't come all the way back from the dream
Like part of me is stuck between.. Here and.... There

Oh wow we are in the eclipse portal.. I guess maybe.. 

I need to go back to sleep and wake up again and come back all the way this time

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vacation was awesome

I had so much fun on vacation. and on the way back i ate something that made me sick as hell. i am not over it yet-- food poisoning i guess...