that pretty much sums up how i feel right now
i am excited and scared and want it to all be over so i can stop thinking about every little thing that might go wrong and happen and i cant stop thinking about every little thing that might happen its driving me insane
also i have gained weight and its driving me insane because i barely recognize myself when i look in the mirror now and i cant stand it its like... i am not even me i am some monster that has taken over or the monster has taken over my body outside and i dont know this is the weirdest feeling like i am not myself why is this happening where am i this is not me at all i dont look like this i havent looked like this in 10 years... 11 years.. 11 years its been eleven years what the hell what
i cant do this
i am having a break down inside its silent i cant freak out outside i am freaking out inside my head i am paralyzed
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now i tried to eat and it wouldnt go down and now i lost my dinner and i dont even care and im going to take my meds and pass out
and we are watching the movie "saw" because i wanted to watch something horrible
the psychiatrist has agreed to put me back on the 60 mgs of prozac i was on when i started seeing him and that has been able to pull me out ...
so the weekend get away was great. we gave decided to do that more often. it was really good for us. mentally and emotionally and as a coupl...
So... The festival was yesterday. And we had bad luck with the shepards hill place again. I tried it last year and didn't sell anything....
I have finally gotten all the Christmas cards we plan to send ready. Now I gotta get to post office. They will probably be late but I tried ...