Saturday, January 31, 2015

Well.....shit.....

Today is the first day in months i am really struggling with my eating disorder. Last night we went out and i freaked out and that little negative self esteem voice started in on me.... and today I am just sitting here staring at walls in silence while the food I just fixed is getting cold. Still in the microwave. I'm afraid to go in there.

It all feels so unreal..like this can't be happening. It's been so long since I've felt paralyzed by this. I honestly mighty just go back to bed and sleep until tomorrow without eating.

I can't make things make sense. I feel like I'm lost in time suspended between they past and my present life

Thursday, January 29, 2015

So much going on.... No time to blog

So okay... Stan's friend and co-worker from Kentucky moved in  yesterday. I have to get my meds filled before Sunday. Stan has to go to Selma to do a new report thing on Saturday... cause he is awesome and goes out and gets audio and stuff and yeah....

I haven't been sleeping very well lately so.... I'm kind of batshit and nonsensical most of the time.   Gotta love bipolar. Booooo

Today I got another new phone because my clumsy ass dropped three other one I just got and broke the thing somehow.

So now I have to get used to another Mrs device which is ridiculously annoying....

On Saturday I will be making jewelry all day... Still have so much to do to Get ready for the festival in April. So nervous. So much needs to be done for the displays and stuff... I am starting to wish I had other arts and crafts besides jewelry to show and sell but.... I can't focus on more than one thing at a time with out the quality of things going down. it sucks but atleast I knows My weaknesses and can work around them effectively and be prepared before hand.

I had to download the Swype keyboard app for this thing which is blah because I have to teach it all my weird words and things I say that aren't words but... It's a hell of a lot easier to add them to the dictionary than spell out each time.

Stan's friend Co worker person brought his cat with him.... And the poor thing is scared to death with the move.... Luckily I have catnip so that helped I think... Our will help .....is helping. Something....
So tired....

Oh atleast this phone can use the blogger app unlike the other one. So that makes updating on the fly easier...
And there is more storage on the actual device than the other. so that's good...

Anyways I should be making stuff so I gotta stop..

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

jewelry supply shopping day is GO

all thanks to one of my college friends who is lovely and awesome and i love her. she bought two things and the money cleared today so i can go get the stuff i need for some of my more original looking pieces...

i can make standard earrings all day
or bracelets
but i want to make some asymmetrical designs for necklaces. i know its popular right now, and having an eye for making it is going to be a plus... and i want to establish myself as a designer god damn it.. not someone copying shit. even though i know someone has probably already done the stuff i plan to do-- i mean, pinterest is my inspiration here. but i always wanna try something slightly different. if i can.

plus having unique pieces to put on the neck bust displays at the festival is pretty important and eye catching. i wish i could make sun catchers to sell but i dont have the time to dedicate to them... i would need the toaster over and my dads's drill and lots of translucent pony beads and cookie cutters in random awesome shapes and... yeah. plus the fumes from the beads melting are probably toxic. and theres no ventilation here... so...god knows i need to save as many brain cells as i can.

Stan is being so supportive and understanding with my whole.. "in the zone" designer thing. when i get a project going its everything i think about. what surprised me was he had the most kind and calming way of telling me i was obsessing too much that didnt piss me off because... well.. i get bitchy when im this way too. he is the most amazing man. he understands my weaknesses emotionally and in personality and we work around it... and he doesnt hold it against me... its just the bipolar shit rearing its ugly head in ways... if he would read "Madness" like i asked him to a LOT OF THE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED RECENTLY.. including the knife incident... would make more sense.. or atleast. have some tangible.. i dont know... Marya shares her experience with mental illness to the world in ways that make it easier for people like me to go "here, this, this woman explains it with words and stories of her life that i cannot muster up the nerve or words to say myself"

but he is really busy. like, REALLY REALLY busy with work, which is why i havent bothered him about the book again recently--- even though when i had my incident it was one of the things i thought of that was like "if only he had read this" because i ... cant expect someone who isnt me or like me to understand why i do the things i do... unless there is some kind of metaphor explaination given... and maybe Marya does that. I think she does a good job or relating to normal people when she wrote her books anyways.

UH ANYWAYS

i have a lot of energy this morning. need to get my daily journal log started then see stan off to work--- walk the dog, wash my hair, then go to the store for supplies.
but before that i have to pick out the beads that i want to match stuff to so i can make shit. yeahhhh... and take them with me... yeah.. so much easier to match colors that way. so many of the spring colors are just various shades of the general pink or blue and unless you have it with you theres no way to make sure its a decent match for sure.

anyways
lots of stuff going on
probably only doing one festival this year and its in alabama but i need to get local clients interested in me. i need a clients. i need to get my foot in the door here. stan is the only reason i will be able to do this, and i thank him. everychance i get... so thank you hon when you read this thank you again

gotta go get ready now or something bye

Monday, January 19, 2015

taking a break from the jewelry making work grind

seriously..  i am having to force myself to stop making stuff. i am on a rolllllll

i have to get enough inventory for possibly TWO festivals....
and also a new business deal that might happen. when i say might i mean, probably almost definitely.
it would involve me making earrings and probably bracelets, maybe necklaces.. with the crescent moon charm that has a face on it.... thats the "druid city brewery" logo i think.. or whatever.. and Stan is like... super close with the owner.. and.. we just have to wait and see, he has my business card, he already has contact info with Stan and i am just going to let him do his thing... i am kind of awkward. And by kind of i mean ridiculously awkward.


ANYWAYYYYS for spring.....

i have mint, salmon, and that pastel orange custard colored beads in MASS... cleverness has its benefits... buying necklaces that are already made and taking them apart and making new ones? saves a fucking ton of money.. especially when craft store are going to mark up prices because theyre "supplies" and its a "hobby" store
fuck you
jewelry design hack in the house
anyways
they are making the huge making braided long necklaces in these colors... and other... that i might end up getting.. and i can take them apart and making rosary style chain link necklace, bracelets... anything really. possibilities are endless.




as for charms i have infinity knots, bows, crosses, pixies sitting on a crescent moon, guardian angel, tree of life, the Celtic trinity knot "Triquetra" also pentacle, and a big leather bound book for book work charms, also crescent moon with tiny star engraved into it, and crescent moon with a face and flares coming off it (this is what we are probably going to use for the druid city thing)


and now cool is it that Tuscaloosa is known as DRUID CITY

seriously



SERIOUSLY


i love it

aaaaaahhhhh



anyways



i have so much to dooooooo

i dont even want to take time to blog but i gotta do it i paid for this thing another year and damn it im gonna use it


my brain is going wonky i dont wanna sleep and i dont even.. ahhh so much going onnn


i miss my parents really really really really really bad and i cant ... i dont know...

my car needs oil change and air in the tires and the battery isnt exactly doing that great it dies every two weeks or so..



anyways back to workkkk

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

ok i hate being a woman

the combo of dreary skies and rain and cold and my period PMS has got me wanting to curl up in the bed and sleep forever

and i JUST GOT MY DEPRESSION MEDS WORKING RIGHT

i know this has to be a combo of other things making it bad
cause i was doing awesome before now


i have to make lots of jewelry between now and the spring time or something

i dunno when yet but ... yeah


SOMEBODY BOUGHT SOMETHING FROM ME ON ETSY!!!
i am so excitedddd

yayayayayay

ok i could sit here and ramble.
or do the repetitive scrolling through pinterest looking for things



but i think i really might just go to bed

Sunday, January 11, 2015

sunday sunday sundaeeee

so yesterday was pretty awesome-- we went to the thrift store and i got three ceramic cat figurines to add to my collection


we also got some nice stone coasters for the livingroom and my bedside table because i HATE when my ice water glasses sweat onto tables and then i set a phone or paper into it and ahhhhhhh its not so much about protecting the table as the things on it, honestly.

there were some skirts i wanted at the thrift store but i didnt let him get me any. i really want this one throw blanket at walmart... we are going to go get the darling thing as soon as we can.. things keep getting in the way.
its so SOFTTT and omg
i think its bigger so i could maybe use just IT and not two small fleece throws to sleep
let me scrounge up a picture of this darling thing
there are a few patterns in this that are acceptable but ive seen this one in person and it is very lovely and makes me feel happy. i like dark red burgundy colors... and browns and teal and emerald colors.. all the dark jem tones that have been popular this fall... 

i have looked at the suggest fashion colors for spring and i am sad they didnt choose a happier vibrant colors
everything is very ashy and faded... soft.
i was hoping for WHAM BAM HELLO COLOR SPRING IS HERE
i guess i will be adjusting my jewelry to this.. or maybe do half and half until i see what people really buy... there is a chance that local people wont want the big fashion colors because of this or what reason. people are weird.
anyways, i like doing custom work more than anything but nobody will hit me up for it.. i would just need a down payment of half if it was something id have to go get a lot of supplies for.
and thats to make sure you are serious and arent just asking me to make something and then being like "LOL JK"


I woke up at just after 6am this morning and i CANNOT SLEEP
i was groggy but my dreams were so weird that i was all like "fuck this shit im gonna go eat some oatmeal"
which i did. after washing the dishes and FINALLY wiping down the kitchen from last time i cooked (was lazy for a day sue me)
i love oatmeal. with honey and cinnamon 

my parents and Stan and I ate dinner at OutBack SteakHouse last night and it was so awesome. and since i am taking my GERD medication i can actually enjoy eating meals now without being in pain the entire time!!!!!
woooo!!!!
so i ate my whole meal (it was smaller than other places serving of pasta so that was a relief cause im not sure i could eat more than that) however... just two hours later i was fucking RAVENOUS again. like.. so hungry. jesus christ.
like i dont even know how it happens... it was so weird. 

my dad and mom were all weird and having an off day... lol. not weird but... dad was being the indecisive one about EVERYTHING.. what to eat where to go etc etc.. and mom was all like GOOD LORD 
it was hilarious actually cause dad took longer than anybody else to pick out what he wanted to eat... and its usually me who needs an extra 10 mins or so to read the entire menu but nope not this time

and you know Dads cowboy hat and Stan's walking can got to have a seat of their on at the table hahahaha

my brother ate with us too... i keep forgetting that he is a little man now.
he is so much happier that im gone from the house, and i am okay with that. i am happier that i am away too. we love each other, like family, obviously, but our temperments do not mesh well together in the same house for extended periods of time. we combust and explode. often. two very strong fire signs...aries and leo. what you are gonna do, ya know?
i want him so badly to get his job at walmart and they keep giving him the run around and its breaking my moms heart and mine and his.. he is such a good kid. doesnt drink or do any drugs of ANY KIND. NEVER HAS. EVER. he is such a good kid, really. other than his temper. but that isnt even constant. it is calmed when he is at peace in other aspects of his life.  just like i am. if thers an outlet for the anger and frustration then its not sitting there on your shoulder whispering bad things into your ear that you could do to REALLY SHOW PEOPLE YOU MEAN SRS BSNS ALL THE TIME ERRYDAY
yeah

anger issues are kind of... commmon in the reynolds family.. especially the males.. but like i said, i was born under a very masculine fire sign and my fiery disposition is the reason why i dont have many female friends.. the curse of being a Lady Aries. we are kind of alone... save for our male friends... which makes everyone think we are whores. but no. we just get along better with guys. i dont know how or why. we just do.

anyway

i guess today is laundry and catch up on shit day


we are sad because the Chrome extension we were using to Proxy into Netflix as if we were living in other countries.. well.. a whole bunch of aussies got caught with it and now they are shutting down accounts that are using it to access netflix of other countries.. so we cant watch so much awesome stuff.. it makes me saddddd
I want to watch Community damn it.. its the best


i guess i will go outside and smoke and stare at the sky and come back inside and stare at pinterest
i could make jewelry but i dont feel like working my the stiffness out of my hands right now






Friday, January 9, 2015

another week down.

I am just like... sitting here counting days until we go to KY.  I need to make tons of jewelry i need to get my game on and i feel like i am getting to that point where i can do this. my creativity is good right now and i have enough energy to do stuff... ive been watching house and greys anatomy on netflix and making jewelry or browsing for arts and crafts and jewelry stuff on pinterest... i am very inspired. so its a good time to make shit

my leg is on the mend but i have to be careful with it

today i am going to dollar tree early so i can get that out of my system-- i am so antsy from being cooped up in the bedroom... we only need like one thing really and its not even that important but god damn it i want to goooooo
plus i am in that NESTING MODE so i am still making this place feel like home every day organizing and cleaning and i know nesting is something that married couples do when theyre having a kid? i think? i thought thats what it was? but i cant find any other way to describe the feeling i have. i am nesting, damn it. this bird is done flying around.

Stan's radio friend from KY got the job here in alabama so he is moving here and now stan will have a friend and a buddy at work too and that is going to be a life changer for him... its gonna make everything so much more smooth and easy... i can already see his aura changing. he is glowing with joy and abundance and good vibes. its going to be his year. this is going to be our year. this is going to be a good year.

i have a good feeling about doing the arts and crafts festivals in KY... my stuff sells in person so much better than online... like ridiculously better.
so i am going to get on that.. i mean i've been making quite a few random things, that are pretty cool... i should take pictures soon i guess, maybe i will, add them to this entry

i cant believe i have something to blog about it seems like forever since i had anything forth saying here but life is good and i have plans and shit is going down and i am riding a good energy wave. got some synchronicity going here and there, which is my sign that i am in the right direction.

i am really worried about my brother... i want him to get this job so badly and he keeps getting told he will get it and then they never come through... then he goes on temp for them again and works there more... and they tell him the same thing.. its ridiculous... though we did find out from other people who work for this company that this particular store in the franchise is fucking horrible management and hiring is even worse ... but its the closest place for him to work at what he has experience in doing now, and he is really good at it. all the people there love him. just the higher ups cant get their mother fuckin shit together









anyways


i need to start my daily jounral
and then get dressed so i can get this little errand run out of the way

then i come home and make stuff--- set out pork chops for dinner . yum yum
having pork chops, sweet peas, mashed potatoes, and bread. we wouldnt do bread on top of potatoes but the bread is gonna go bad and i get pissed when we have to throw stuff out cause thats my food money down the shitter you know

anyways


life is good

i hope everyone is going well.
i know who does and doesnt read this blog, so that means you. =P
YES YOU



blessed be!!!!
)O(
----- @ 8:50 am cst -----


Tuesday, January 6, 2015

so bored and nothing to do but sit here ahhhhjsdnovjernfocgjerd

SO UH I DID SOMETHING STUPID LAST NIGHT. LIKE RIDICULOUSLY STUPID. AND NOW I AM STUCK IN BED WITH MY LEG PROPPED UP AND ALL I CAN DO IS WATCH NETFLIX AND LOOK AT PINTEREST

AND EAT

AND READ

JSDNOFLVNFOJGBVPOEJRNO;VLFD


so bored

anyways i am lookng for random arts and crafts ideas
and DIY stuff on pinterest


i also just now found that old show "Goosebumps" i watched when i was little... hahaha R.L. Stine hahahhahaha

this should be fun
as in, im pretty sure itll be so old and acting horrible and yeah....
oh my god i just watch part of  the first episode... its so horrible... oh my god hahahaha

nevermind i cant watch this its too hilariousss

i want popcornnn
and
i dont know

im going to have to give up the computer and stop watching netflix soon so i guess i should just stop and wait for Stan to get home

i cant believe i am so stupid. i am going to be miserable stuck in bed like this. i cant walk around much at all.

Monday, January 5, 2015

forgot to post this on sunday night ..... blaaaahhhh

yesterday we went to the movies and saw the third Hobbit movie and omg i loves itttt


Today I scrubbed the bathtub oh my god it was so baddd omggg
i almost died from the cleaning fumes, too
boooo

tomorrow i have to go to DHR and turn in paper work and also return my library books because they are due tomorrowwww

I am gonna go by Michaels arts and crafts store tomorrow because i havent been to a nice crafts store in a long time and i need to be inspired