Tuesday, December 16, 2014

so its tuesdayyyy

stan is getting home late tonight -- he ate dinner with his boss and a potential new person to add to the APR people or whatever....
I have been bored all day doing some random tidying up and what not.

tomorrow is hump day and is spaghetti night yayayayaya
every Wednesday is going to be spaghetti night...
because its fun
ok
thanks

anyways

sometime between  now and friday evening i have to clean the house up real good
because on saturday we have to get up and go to my huge ass family christmas thing ..

its gonna be insane... SO MANY PEOPLEEEEEE

and it doesnt start until 4pm, so we will get back late.. and.. wont have time to make the place look proper before sunday --- which is the day his dad and his step mom are coming down here to visit.

i  have never met his dad so this is kind of scary for me


like ridiculously scary
like
bad scary
holy shit




i feel really blank and listless right now i think im going to take meds and go to sleep. i feel horrid. i am almost crying and there isnt anytbing to cry about and i dont know why its happening. it makes me mad... everything is lovely.. why cant i just be happy. why is this sucking spiral of sadness always coming up in my chest randomly just when i think everything is going to be alright for once.


i am so tired of this roller coaster

i think i want to start a mood stabilizer
this is ridiculous

i dont know what to do
i mean i DID just shift the time i take my meds so that might have thrown me off a bit

i hope thats what it is
and probably pms
combined
maybe

i just dont want to do this every couple of weeks
its not fun and i dont want to be sad i am happy why am i sad what is wrong with me

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