Wednesday, December 31, 2014

last humpday of 2014

So... I have had this cold for about a week now... Stan is just now getting it really bad.
however, i discovered a way to cheat on the head congestion thing
i have this new heating pad that Stan got me for christmas.. so
i put on top of my head and wrapped it around down my head... the heat made all the stuff liquidy (like when you take  a hot shower, ya know) drain out of my head and i spent the next two hours blowing it out my nose
lolol

IT WORKED OK I FEEL LIKE I HAVE DISCOVERED SOME KIND OF LIFE HACK
i woke up today there is a huge different in the pressure... even my eyes felt it

needless to say we bought a ton of kleenex and we are using them up very fast

i have some kind of inspiration going with my jewelry shit now and so i am hoping to get that done today
gonna watch desperate housewives and make jewelry until time to make spaghetti dinner

i need to vacuum the floors but the vacuum is weird and i swear it doesnt work like it used to

i got my latuda in so now i have my super expensive antidepressant that kicks ass for $5 a month instead of $200 it wouldve been


ok i am going to update this again later but for now i guess this is it
------------------------
ok its 5:20 pm i am about to start cooking dinner and i just took some kind of shower bath thing and i am cleannn

i took down the christmas tree on the wall and put evertything away pretty much.. we need a big rubbermaid storage bin but i wanna wait unilt they mark them down cause you know they mark them up right around this time cause EVERYBODY IS STORING THEIR SHIT AWAY
bahhh

i have decided to start wearing a wrap/cover over my hair when i go out
it looks very gypsy when i do it... and its suiting... hair is powerful stuff. people stare at me because of mine. its enticing. and eye catching and yeah.. i know i like attention but its getting to be too much--- i cant go anywhere without being gawked at (or is this my paranoia???)
i dont know
anyway
i feel like people look at me once and then look away when i had my hair covered today
its like. nothing to see here move along. thanks
i also get to show of my earring that i make when i do this!!!!! nobody would see them hardly before! now i can advertise on myself--- better remember to take business cards with meeeeee haaaaaa


i have this really weird uneasy feeling
like something weird behind my eyes
i think this head congestion is doing weird stuff


i just wanna go to bedddd

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Photo Post --- Christmas 2014 -- Our First Christmas

you will have to click through to see the photos.. THIS IS ALL THE PHOTOS FROM CHRISTMAS THAT I WILL LET BE SEEN LOL












































saturdayyyyyy shopppping spreeeeee woooooo

so i went groceryy shopping and bought enough food to last us for.... uh.. a while.. almost a month or most of a month... and i got most of it at the dollar tree.. and the stuff at walmart was either $1-2 or the big stuff... like meat... i got enough for three meals of pork chops, 5 lbs of chicken breast which should be four or more meals depeding on what we do with them i guess... also, 2 one pound things of ground hamburger meat, and 2 one pound things of ground turkey


... we have a wooden filing cabinet-- four shelves high... packed with various foods. thank you mom and dad for letting me take that filing cabinet .. i wanna have it full of food and stocked for anything and everything for emergencies or what not. #housewifeissues and now the cabinet and spice rack on the door is empty so we have space for the stuff on the table to go up and have more of a table to use now.

i am reorganizing and going to clean everything when i get over this cold (still not feeling good)


mom and dad got us a microwave for christmas because our broke a while back and now.. yay easy to make soup
they also got up four wooden tray tables that we are using for various things.. i have my chromebook sitting on one right now while im typing this.. theres one in the bedroom next to my side of the bed for when i want to put books there. we have two more..
my grandparents gave stan and us both money for christmas
i am getting back into some  and jewelry making and i dunnooo life is good



i am so happy right now i cant even.... wow

i have so much joy and i have never let myself be happy before

this is such a weird feeling

planning meals every week and sectioning off the week into portions of time so its now a huge yawning abyss of uncertainty... i cant handle it... it freaks me out.. i think maybe that is one of the things that was the biggest reason i cant handle not.. being.. i dunno.. i need structure. i collapse in on myself without it.

tomorrow is another day to put stuff away and relax and try to get over being sick... ughhh


gotta get my digestion back on track too

so.. anyway gonna plan some meals and put up some laundry and i wash some more and i dunnooooo

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

so much to update about and no time

so its chritmas eve nowww
and ive baked a good bit

waiting for some cookies right now

Stans dad and step mom were so wonderful.. its so much easier to meet people here where i am comfortable..... going to KY and being shoved into a part was ridiculously hard for me

ok i finished all the baking and good lord...

ok

anyways

tonight we are eating something easy--- just frozen fish sticks and he wants mac and cheese
and i dont know
i hope i can sleep tonight
last night was insane
the manic high energy from the excitedness of the holidays is just.. i a through the roof i dont wana sleep i wanna be awake and doing stuff but i cant and boo




i just renewed some listings on etsy. i did a spell for my business to pick up so lets see what happens

i got sick from being around lots of people for the first time in a while....  this cold is kicking my assssssssss
i feel good and then i feel bad... and then i feel ok.. and then i feel even worse... its like a roller coaster


i baked so much todayyyyy
i make the best chocolate chip cookies from the cheap great value stuff. ;)

i accidentaly messed up these so a lot of them dont have the design and are kind of scramled.. its a long story... our oven mitts are too thin and i had to carry the cookie sheet too far and it burnt so bad i just... tossed it on the floor. it landed right side up.. nothing touched the floor... but they were all scrambled around lol

two different kinds of brownies (one has caramel on top) the other is just super brownies... they're Ghirardellie
the cakes are just normal vanilla stuff





aaaand now i am losing my voice... i think i might be getting bronchitis. i always get it really bad when i do.. so this sucks and now i might have to go find a free clinic somewhere?? wtf i dont even... thats so scary


anyways i am going to lay down and read i guess

i think i am going to bed at 7:30 on christmas eve lolol

Monday, December 22, 2014

well, this past weekend was pretty intense

on saturday stan and i went to the Reynolds Clan Christmas gathering in fayette--
Stan is pretty much convinced we are descendant from Travellers and im pretty sure he is right

i mean i dont know how else to explain my family

lol

anyways, it was ok.. my  blood sugar crashed right before the people got there and again right before we ate.
My dad/mom/brother set up Skype so we all could talk to my cousin Daniel who is in Japan (he's in the Navy) ... so that was good for us.

I got the electric plug in wax tart warmer that i took to the gathering for Dirty Santa and i am so glad. its a great make shift nightlight too!

we left earlier than i wanted but we had a little over an hour to drive and i knew that the next day (yesterday) would be bad for me--- that i needed to rest.


aaaand so yesterday, sunday--- I met Stan's DAD and step mom.
it was a lot better than i thought it would be.. they drove down here so i met them on my own turf--- made a world of difference.

they took us out to eat twice and we did some random wandering around town
his dad got us stuff from Tiffany&Co. for christmas
i have never had anything like this before so i am overwhelmed

and then his step mom bought a bunch of my jewelry off me so i have money now
which is kind of insane


after they went back to their hotel last night i went to the store and bought myself clothes that i had been wanted for ages

i feel bad for doing it
like i dont deserve it

anyway

i started to noticed that my throat was hurting and  i soon felt like i was feverish and i slept all night until this evening around 5pm

i think my fever broke in my sleep but my throat still hurts really bad

tomorrow i have to go shopping for food and stuff for christmas. last chance to do it

and christmas eve i am baking like a man woman

Thursday, December 18, 2014

thankgod its thursday ...and not friday.. just yet ... =X yikes

cause that means its almost friday but not
i am having severe panic attack right now
trying to make sense of everything thats going to happen this weekend.. so much stuff at once.. i am flipping shit i dont even know.. ugh


i have to clean the house for his dad to come visit here sunday .... or... i dont know he doesnt know exactly what is going to happen and i need to know when things happen or i cant handle them very well. everything has to happen on time and i have to know ahead of time what is going to happen and where and why and if i dont know i will fall apart i cant handle meeting people
i feel like my entire world crumbling down and stalling


oh my god

and this the day AFTER i have to see m huge 50+ Reynolds family for the yearly gathering
which i am excited about for serioussss

i have picked out my outfits for both days

i will be take extra buspar with me to try and help with anxiety but its not a benzo so the affect is.. ehh
not really ... i dunno


so tomorrow i am going to get up and clean and finish planning details in my head all day because if i dont i will get overwhelmed and freak the fuck out
i guess i will have to make a list and a schedule for each day and try to make it make sense somehow i mean, thats the only way ive found that i can cope with this anxiety


anyways i think im going to bed now

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

so its tuesdayyyy

stan is getting home late tonight -- he ate dinner with his boss and a potential new person to add to the APR people or whatever....
I have been bored all day doing some random tidying up and what not.

tomorrow is hump day and is spaghetti night yayayayaya
every Wednesday is going to be spaghetti night...
because its fun
ok
thanks

anyways

sometime between  now and friday evening i have to clean the house up real good
because on saturday we have to get up and go to my huge ass family christmas thing ..

its gonna be insane... SO MANY PEOPLEEEEEE

and it doesnt start until 4pm, so we will get back late.. and.. wont have time to make the place look proper before sunday --- which is the day his dad and his step mom are coming down here to visit.

i  have never met his dad so this is kind of scary for me


like ridiculously scary
like
bad scary
holy shit




i feel really blank and listless right now i think im going to take meds and go to sleep. i feel horrid. i am almost crying and there isnt anytbing to cry about and i dont know why its happening. it makes me mad... everything is lovely.. why cant i just be happy. why is this sucking spiral of sadness always coming up in my chest randomly just when i think everything is going to be alright for once.


i am so tired of this roller coaster

i think i want to start a mood stabilizer
this is ridiculous

i dont know what to do
i mean i DID just shift the time i take my meds so that might have thrown me off a bit

i hope thats what it is
and probably pms
combined
maybe

i just dont want to do this every couple of weeks
its not fun and i dont want to be sad i am happy why am i sad what is wrong with me

Saturday, December 13, 2014

the last weekend of calm and rest

this is the last weekend we will be resting and spending time together at the house

next weekend is busy, and so is the next and lots of shit going on so..


so because of stan's and my dad's work schedule--- the christmas thing with my parents and grandparents on moms side is going to be after christmas on that weekend...

so this means stan and i will have our first christmas here together just the two of us
which is kind of what i wanted
i mean isnt this supposed to be a special thing for us?

soooo
since i get my food stamps refillled on the 23rd
we can cook/bake whatever we want on christmas eve/day

stan wants me to make a peach pie (without cinnamon because he is severely allergic to cinnamon) so ive got to look for a recipe.... or i might call his mom and ask her because she has been having to making stuff with out cinnamon for a while and plus she adores me and would be giddy if i called her and asked for help

seriously-- his mom loves me.
its so weird because NOBODYS PARENTS HAVE LIKED ME BEFORE
its like im living in a dream world
so happy

anyways


he also wants brownies so i will find a good thing of that to make
and i wanna get some easy slice and bake cookies to make because if im spending so much time on hand making other stuff-- i dont have time to made my cookies like i normally would. and the slice and bake cookies with holidays stuff in the middle (the sugar cookies they sell in that long log thing) would be perfect for leaving out for "sTanta" haahahahaha you seee what i did there
and he looks like a young santa with the red hairrr hahaha

ok anyways

i wanna make meat of some kind-- he suggested frying up some more chicken drumsticks but i wan something more traditional so i might have one of those small ham things and coat it in honey and pineapple and bake it in the oven for a bit.... i love sweet ham.
i have always like eating ham leftovers cold ... mom always puts them in the fridge and i would always grab a slice when i got hungry and my blood sugar was being weird or something

also we could (if theres any left) fry the slices and ahve biscuits and ham and eggs the day after christmas
maybe

i am getting very into the home maker house wife thing and its so weird for me

who would have thought my gypsy traveller soul would be so happy being settled down like this
i even want to foster a kid later on... since we are being responsible with our genetic illnesses and not having a kid together.
i mean i really dont want to bring a baby into this world knowing it has  high risk of schizophrenia and bipolar and also his genetic stuff to boot.

so anyway i need to play with Miss Lilly and get ready to go shopping because we have Dirty Santa gifts to get today !!! =)
last chance to go shopping for them before the reynolds christmas this saturdayyyy

and on sunday we are meeting his Dad and step mom, Sandy, here in town because they are coming down here to see ussss. i have never met his dad so this is kind of scaryyyyyy omggggg
but even if his dad doesnt like me i know his mom loves me and that is enough to make me feel good about this =)

anywayyyyy


i love everyone and wish everyone the best holidays season.... whatever you celebrate. OR DONT CELEBRATE. still send my blessings =)

Thursday, December 11, 2014

riding the end of a wave of synchronicity right nowwww

so... uh long story short-- Stan/Me had a little Synchronicity set of events happen that was triggered by Stan seeing his personal special lucky number come up randomly somewhere... and it just snow balled.


i dont want to explain it all here its just... too personal. most synchronicity is... its just stuff that is meaningful to you and the people involved.

I love seeing/hearing the amazement people have when they realize this is for real.


mom had a dream that dad was in a wreck ... she woke up... a few minutes later dad called her to tell her he was in a wreck. its so cute .. mom was all like "ive never had a dream premonition before!!"
 so adorable-- i love seeing people waking up. i never thought my mother would but... maybe this is the start!


and fuck tons of other stuff that happened with stan and me today that involves our new neighbors who are apparently awesome.

have a lot to do and i cant even.. i dont know

i need to consult my tarot cards and then try to sleep



so much is happeninnnnnng

there is an electricity in the air

literally

its all happening

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

yay random photo post!!!!

dinner i cooked last night yum yummmm


more yule decorations on the table .... fucking love candles man

this is the apron stan got me its the sexiest apron EVERRRRR

this past weekend stan fried chicken and it was DELICIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
like omfg so good i cant even.... idk... orgasmic

i took this photo to show how long my hair is... i can pretty much tuck it in my pants in the back haha. i think i might let it grow until its longer than my butt.. like, hitting the back of my legs and then get it cut finally
this will probably take another whole year so.... lots of time to change my mind hahaha



Saturday, December 6, 2014

random shit... pics and notes and what not.

my second wreath of sorts (i like this one a lot.... i want to add a tiny bit more to it soon and will be going back to the dollar store for stuff)
 the first one i did was last christmas and it was so pathetic but i kept it because i was so proud of the weaving and braiding i did on the fly for the first try! its hanging above the head of the bed nowwwww.. with a cross and dream catcher and a sea shell i we have hanging. up there. (we are very peculiar mixes of beliefs, indeed, but i wouldn't have it any other way)

this is a tiny $0.79 cent christmas tree i got at the thrift store and decorated with tiny flowers made out of pipecleaners and curled ribbons and such (and the rest of the the usual decor on top of my bookshelf in the livingroom)

2 sets of dollar tree christmas lights in the windows lolol

his and her placemats on the kitchen table =P
hazelnut cream coffee scented candle
plastic halloween glass we got on clearance fuck yeah halloween

christmas tree alternative... green tree garland tacked to wall in shape of tree.. with lights tacked up. and hand made ornaments and such from pipecleaners shaped in flowers, coffee filter snow flakes, and also some fake poinsetta blossoms covered in red glitter that i got at the dollar store --- i took the flower bloom part off and tacked it up on the wall.. dont need the leaves and stems and all that haha







-------------------------------------------


anyway now down to the real stuff--
my meds have been adjusted. like i said before. but we never got the OTHER HALF done yet until today.
so now, in a few weeks i will REALLY get he full affect of the new med changes. but i can already tell you that adding Latuda has been almost life changing. its just as amazing as wellbutrin was, well.... is... except now i am even more depressed and having some schizo symptoms so an antipsychotic is probably a good thing... especially since this one is for bipolar type I major depression episodes--- and schizophrenia

yeah, this is one the the newest things out on the market--- i used to be scared to death of being a guinea pig but now i am living in town and have good communication and ability to travel to the clinic if things are weird. and stan will be here to help me if i have sideaffects
which i have
the Latuda causes over heating-- like... i am not supposed to get too hot or do strenuous exercise. i dont know exactly why but it was one of the main things they talked about in the info that came with it. also it can mess with my blood sugar. which is already a problem so that is something we are having to work really hard on. other stuff.. dizzyness from bloodpressure issues when going from laying to standing too fast--- its way worse than usual for me, i feel like an old person! its ridiculous!

 i dunno.. what.... i am tired of talking about it. its exhausting



Stan and i stayed up until 4am last night... haha... it was nice to spend some... quality time together cough cough. =P I LOVE YOU STAN



Today stan bought all my medicine for me, because he takes care of me like a real man should. he also bought be this sexy ass apron to wear when im cooking/cleaning cause i have already went though the getting grease an bleach platter on my shirts and them being ruined and i do not want do not want do not want. ok thanks.


mostly
kinda
maybe

....


he also bought me this huuuuge xxxxxxxxxxl mens zip up sweatshirt vest hoodie... its like.. sweatshirt material.... in that light heather gray kind of??? but zips up like a jacket--- and has pockets and a hood like a hoodie... i love itttt.. its sleeve less, ya know? like a vest.
im gonna wear the really skin tight long john thermal looking shirts that i have in 329483 colors underneath it or something.

or wear it with my new tshirts
one of which is a collage of cat faces thats printed on the the front side of the shirt
its a mens shirt that is supposed to be all lame hipster shit
but i dont really care.
i fucking love cats
i have wanted a cat shirt all this time and never got one because i was pissed off
now i just dont care
i have a shirt with kitty faces on it
i dont give a fuck it makes me smile


i also got a zelda tshirt
like, i think this might be the first one ive gotten that i actually OWNED MYSELF
......
i think?
i CANT EVEN REMEMBER TOO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED

anyway

i need to get on playing those vidya gaem roms and also get stan to go to Replays and get some games for the N64 cause i take old consoles over this emulator shit and remakes anyday

hmmm

i have had some really fucked up dreams lately
i dont even know.. i cant explain them its absurd

i dont know if i mentioned this before but we can watch  Netflix like we are in canada or UK etc. and they have lots of stuff that we want to watcht that we cant watch here


oh wow i was just typing that and my right hand has a spasm so weird

we watch "The Desolation of Smaug" tonight....  well, i tried to. i couldn't focus for part of it, and the other part i was nodding off so bad i was having my falling asleep convulsions while i was sitting awake trying to watch
yikes


ok so.. on december 20th i have my REYNOLDS FAMILY CHRISTMAS
at the fayette civic center because nobody wants to have it at their house or has big enough house anymore right now (a lot of new kiddos in the mix suddenly ha)
and the VERY NEXT DAY we will be meeting Stan's DAD and step mom because they're coming down here to see us since Stan cant go back up there this winter (for the second year in a row now) because of his job =(
booooo
so i have one hell of  a week end coming up
so not excited
but also excited

ANXIETY IS COMPLICATED, OK?

im gonna go write in my paper journal and sleep now

we need to purchase this domain again for another year soon\ must remind him of that tomorow