Thursday, November 13, 2014

3am Thursday post

So... I wake up to take my meds in the middle of the night. Decide to go ahead and pee cause I would've just had to get up again later if I didn't.....
And I was so excited about doing my makeup a different color and seeing it done that I randomly put on make up in the middle of the night. I'm so weird.

Any way... Then miss Lilly decided to visit me in the bathroom and was all cute. So I decided to have a 3am play session with her. She is such a good hunter. I wish there were like... Kitty Olympics where they could compete at stuff like hunting... Jumping.... Obstacle course (aka carefully maneuvering through mommy's ceramic knick knacks with out nocking anything over)

Uh any way this is what my brain does... I think I feel a winter manic episode brewing... Maybe just hypo manic. The crisp winter air always has done strange things to my mind. After I get over the lack of sun light SAD slump.

Oh my I am having the biggest dejavu moment right now.

A lot of synchronicity and strange curious things have happened lately. Of course they always do between samhain and the end of the normal people Calendar.

Lol normal people calendar... Listen to me. I'm gonna be burned at the stake in the Bible belt if I'm not careful. Haha

I'm very excited about Yule this year because I get to properly celebrate it. And since (unfortunately Stan and I won't be going back to Kentucky for the holidays) we get to start our own Christmas traditions as a couple. I mean that is special and important to me.... I have never been in a relationship with some one and able to have the privacy a young couple needs to create their own memories of holidays to share together in the future...... Maybe I'm just being super cheery and romantic or something but I want to watch Christmas shit movies.  and bake cookies and drink hot chocolate. I want to decorate a tree properly. I want strings of lights every fucking where and I want holiday music. I want a wreath on the door and I am going to make one damn it. Not buy one. It's a good time to practice some simple magic also. So much to think about...

Anyways I had Originally wanted to make this short and sweet. Haha

Friday Stan and I are packing bags for the weekend and going to my parents house because Alabama is playing miss state this weekend in Tuscaloosa and we need to get out of here because all hell is going to break loose . 

Gives me time to see my dad... I am worried about him. He is showing his age quite rapidly all of a sudden...  I sat here the other day and tried to imagine what the hell I would do if anything happened to him. And just the thought of it.... I can't breathe. He has been my every thing for so long. Not just him but mom too. I have been so enmeshed with my parents all my life that I never was able to separate my self like a proper adult and I don't think I ever will. When they start to go down hill I most likely will need psych ward shit to cope. And I am ashamed of that.... But I have known ask along that it was coming some day. I'm lucky as hell to not ended up in a psych ward already... God knows I needed to be haha.

I really wish Stan would read this book "Madness"..  It's.. Kind of important. I'm not going to feel comfortable and relax until I'm sure he knows just how bat shit I am.  And what might possibly happen in the life of a bipolar person. Maybe I should look into one of those. ." when you love someone who is.... "books

Okay fuck this shit I need to go sleep. I have to clean house tomorrow for reals.

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