so today (saturday) we went out to my parents house and watched the game and ate the shrimp boil fundraiser plates for the local volunteer fire department .... i went with mom to go get them at half time and it was a stand in line and wait thing and i started having what i can only assume was a panic attack... but its was worse than normal.. like... WAY WAY WAY WORSE than normal...
its like some weird new level of panic attack happening here lately-- because .. well, when it happens i cant breath. like i for real CANNOT BREATHE. my chest is tight and i cant breath. this isnt my freaking out and breathing too much and shallow and too fast hyperventilating... its like-- it hurts and i cant take in enough air and i have to sit down
i say panic attack because i really do NOT want it to be some kind of asthma... that is not something i can afford... oh god i dont even want to think about it.. for fucks sake
and then my chest hurts on the inside from the GERD and acid reflux pain
i was out of breath almost anytime i had to get up and walk today
i wish i were joking
i couldnt breathe!
i dont know what the fucking hell is wrong and its makes me very mad
im also depressed and feel like nothing is worth getting out of bed and WELLL YOU KNOW MAYBE IM RIGHT I COULD PASS OUT RANDOMLY ANYWHERE I GO AT THIS RATE
i have a list of serious business projects to do next week that involved jewelry making
tomorrow i need to practice clarinet a bunch
i have to find a way to force myself to get up and live right now and that scares the hell out of me
the psychiatrist has agreed to put me back on the 60 mgs of prozac i was on when i started seeing him and that has been able to pull me out ...
so the weekend get away was great. we gave decided to do that more often. it was really good for us. mentally and emotionally and as a coupl...
So... The festival was yesterday. And we had bad luck with the shepards hill place again. I tried it last year and didn't sell anything....
I have finally gotten all the Christmas cards we plan to send ready. Now I gotta get to post office. They will probably be late but I tried ...