Sunday, September 28, 2014

sundaysunday sundae???

ok so today is for tying up loose ends i guess???


getting laundry done.. Stan went through a box of stuff... he also washed the dishes from yesterday and now I feel bad because he did stuff on his day off =( =( i feel bad bad bad damn it




stan hung up all those peppers his coworker had given him to dry before he starts his project
making sauce and oils and whatever idek its gonna be awesome. it looks awesome i should take good photos with my good camera =3

yep definitely a tying up loose ends day.. the

kind of disappointing though... it got all cloudy for rain and my empathic nature just took hold and i feel so drained and tired and and sad and like something is wrong??

and NOW the system has shifted and we might not get rain at all
but its dreary as hell and i want to curl up in bed and boooo


i need to make real food and stop worrying about shit so much i think



.....
ok stan got me to watch the Dracula with Keanu Reeves and Winona Rider in it lmao woooooowwww thats. just wow WTFFFF

Stan did so much house worse today that I am feeling kind of sad and mad at myself because I didnt do it before him??? i dont know... some of it was his personal project stuff though... so... I guess. I dunno... I just feel bad. it makes me feel like a bad person. I should be the one doing all the cleaning and and organizing and then sometimes i get tired of it and ask someone to do it for a little bit and the guilt is so overwhelming. like... i feel guilty that i am not doing it myself... i dont know.. my head is all kinds of fucked up. we all know that. so.. same shit different day


i have been drinking Celestial Seasoning Sleepytime tea, and Yogi "Calming" tea... at same time. double baggin.
also taking one dissolvable melatonin and one that releases later in system..
i have been sleeping like a real person lately


i dont know how to explain this

i dont think i was really sleeping.. for like... months at a time.. not this kind of sleep.
this is real sleep. i have dreams and i remember them when i wake up and i feel rested when i get to sleep instead of just half ass... whatever

i am pretty sure there is something wrong with my brain and its transitions in consciousness .... as i jerk awake in convulsions when i am tired and falling asleep.. something has got me programmed to fight my sleep every single night and i dont know what it is... its a chemical in there somewhere i guess.. and it needs to be switched the other way

whatever whatever

i am going to bed now i think goodnight

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