Wednesday, September 17, 2014

its humpday already????

jesus christ.


Well I dont know what the hell triggered my migraine... im guessing maybe allergies. but it was full blown... like.. i was hearing random shit and when i closed my eyes there were strobing lights and colors.. like wicked trippy... and i wasnt ON ANYTHING... and it hurt so bad oh my god

i think that might be a sign of some kind of seizure also so this makes me worry more.

i have noticed that the swelling on my forehead that was on the left side is slighly less but the right side is bulging out more. i think i really might have some kind of fluid pocket in there... it could just be fluid cyst stuff that is pressing on my head and making me have headaches?? i need to find out..its weird..i just not noticed that the knot i had on my head before is very much less than it was.. and the other side of my forehead seems to have this big welp.. i dont know..


the only way i could ever find out what is going on is if Stan and I get married and I dont want to do that to him... his insurance would go up. I would have to go to the hospital for brain scans and sleep studies and i dont even know.. what if i found out something really bad...
i almost dont want to know.. with all the convulsions and  migraines and random shit that happens..
maybe i should just let it be and if i die .. i die?
that is what people used to do .. now people live so long that we cant support our elders with social security and blah blah blah break down of modern society is at hand we need to be homesteading and going back to natural living... its true. we do. i also think people who are smart enough to start up solar power shit need to buy that stuff up and set it up asap so we can detach from the energy grid on our own... and ween back into the old lifestyle slowly. having enough electricity stored for cooking and heating water and and minimal lighting... from solar panels or some other source.. maybe wind.. and just... yeah... i am gonna stop talking..there is so much you could do now because we have figured out how to make these little environments that say, grow algae and harness what they put off a fuel source for something.. i miss watching green energy docs i need to do that again soon.


ffff


i am rambling so much


i took a lot of medicine to try to keep the headache from coming back

so i am just... waiting.. i just ate.. and i am going watch netflix and wrap another stone? yep

nix that i got distracted and did some other random things.. like water my cactus and the other cactus and i refuse to combine them and say cacti because i dont wanna... i also organized my make up and watched some TakePartLive online because i cant watch it live on tv anymore because we dont have tv.... boooo. I miss my folks on that show.. it was cool knowing and talking to the hosts on twitter it made me feel special damn it.

When stan got home we went to dollar tree and i got some shea butter soap cause its awesome. also.. tape for taping stuff in my journal.. and we got dollar tree orange chicken that is probably super bad for you in the ways of preservatives and what not.. but even if it wasnt for that.. the acidity of the honey glaze stuff they coat it in made my esophagus hurt like crazy... and i only had two tiny little bites
we got a lot of other things that i dont remember right now because i am tired and took melatonin and wheeeeee

i keep eating things that i know will make me feel sick and i hate it why cant i be responsible and just cut the harmful foods out of my diet?
WELL IF THEY DIDNT TASTE SO GOOD YOU KNOW THAT MIGHT HELP
i hate not being able to eat delicious things because of my esophagus damage. it makes me sad. it lessens my quality of life on a daily basis.
just like the convulsions.

sigh.

fffff


STAN AND I STARTED WATCHING LOSTGIRL AGAIN OH MY GOD I LOVE IT IT SO SEXYYYYYYY and i love the myths and magic and yaaaay im a witch its fun ok thanks bye

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