Monday, September 15, 2014

Beach Vacay offline Journaling from sept 11- sept 14th

this is a really long post so if you are viewing this on the main dot com index page of my blog you will have to click through the "continue reading" link or whatev.

but if you are coming here from a direct link to the entry you can disregard this message

and so here it goes....



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Thursday Night - Sept 11, 2014  

sooooo…. the drive down here was ok… we got here around midnight. my parents--- if yall didnt know, were here since tuesday.. its their 29th wedding anniversary vacation so they had some time to themselves…. WE WOULDNT EVEN BE HERE IF MOM’S FRIEND KIM (well, pretty much sister. soul sister. we consider her family. she is like my aunt) hadnt of backed out of going.. but its ok…. shit happens. ya know?
And this gives us a chance to let my parents get to know Stan a bit better…

when we got here mom was awake and met us outside. We unloaded the car tonight even though we said we wouldnt do all of it… lol… but i know i wouldnt have been happy unless everything was inside. cause im a weirdo.

So we sat and chatted for a bit.. and then split to go to bed (theres three bedrooms in this house, we have our own bathroom, and they have theirs)

we FORGOT MY MELATONIN so i am unable to sleep… like.. not sleepy at all. its almost 4am right now… fffffffffff

Stan is so sore and exhausted.
i am going to attempt.. yet again.. for the millionth time. to sleep… i tossed and turned for like… two hours? yeah

ffff


i fucking hate bipolar. i fucking HATE IT.
and i hate these convulsions i have… its not fair… i cant live like this… we have got to get my head scanned and figure out what is going on… i will go insane for real or some shit if this doesnt stop or get better or i ATLEAST I FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME… its been this way for like.. three years? and its just… i thought it would go away… but its not… so something has to happen. i cant live like this. i dread going to sleep and get nervous and have the bad feels… and then when it happens its so horrifying and i have to do it again EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. there is no escape from it--- except refusing to sleep at all… which is what i do sometimes.. but when i finally do go to sleep-- that is the WORST because my brain is completely fried anyways… and thats  on top of what ever else is already wrong making me have these “fits” or convusions… i think they are probably fucking seizures of some kind which is kind of horrifying to think about. since its been happening all this time. i guess that might be why i cant remember shit and it seems like i remember less and less every few months or so.



uh anyways. shit i guess i need to close my eyes or some shit… and wait for the sun to come up or something. i dont even know. fuck my life.



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Friday Sept 12, 2014



i am awake at 7:30am fml fml fml so tiredddddd. ughhh
now we have no idea wtf is going to happen because stan hurts and needs to take meds and cant drive if he does and mom and dad wanna go shopping and Herc is here and might need to poop and if i go with them he willl be alone here while stan is sleeping and i dont know… i dont know i dont know




disreguard all of that before now everything got worked out just fine lol. assss usual
We all went thrift store and antique store hopping today… Herc was in the kennel inside… he is such a good doggie. he doesnt poop or pee in his kennel unless he is in there for like.. 10 hours. he holds it foreverrr



I am really really insistent on Stan NOT SPENDING MONEY ON ME.  like, EVER. because the past two people i dated ended up accusing me of using them for their ability to buy me things? or something? i dont know.  i feel guilty every time people do.. i dont know wtf is wrong with these people they must have some kind of complex about something… anyways

so Stan had to find a way to convince me to let him buy me something…. and by find a way to convince me i mean give me no other choice once he saw what i was looking at in this really really awesome thrift store that i wanted… so yeah
Stan got me this really amazing shirt that i will have to take a picture of and show yall. its like.. its my entire personality in a shirt.
after that we went to souvenir shops for random things at which point he also got me a bracelet with tiny sea turtles on it that i am going to re do with beading wire when i get home and a clasp instead of the elastic shit its got now… so it will last foreverrrrr
He ALSO GOT ME A CRESCENT MOON NECKLACE THAT IS  MADE OUT OF THAT MOOD RING STUFF  i am going to combine it with another charm or two to make one necklace.  )O( BLESSED BE MY LOVELIES


then we went to this seafood place (because i made the stupid mistake of saying that “I WANT SEAFOOD DAMN IT” and they were so shocked that i actually ADMITTED I WANTED SOMETHING FOOD WISE AND WAS SPECIFIC ABOUT IT) and got a huge thing of various steamed seafoods and also corn and potatoes.
so i just ate potatoes and a thing of corn and a few shrimp because i dont like getting my hand dirty and this was seafood you had to peel and crack and shit. ugh. i just cant… handle getting my hands dirty like that.. i use 38490328492 napkins already…. and thats when i use a FORK to touch food

uh anyway #eatingdisorderissues


we came back here and i took melatonin and passed out for 8 hours. i didnt even get to finish this… i am typing friday’s entry on saturday morning… which meansss….

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Saturday Sept 13, 2014

hello saturday.

we slept too late to go to the beach this morning. boooo. and we missed out on going to the pool with my parents. so now we are getting dressed and going to the last shopping places and getting food to cook on the grill in the late afternoon early evening… then my parents are going to the bar to watch the ball game at this place they love here called “Live Bait”... i dont know what its like.. never been there, but apparently its their most favorite place to go for any kind of public football and beer drinking.

Stan and I are gonna go to the pool while they are gone to the bar, and the beach. or maybe just the beach because we promised Stan’s mom we would get picture of Hercules at the beach for the first time (he is 16 years old and never been to the beach) and it should be adorable.

i feel so much better after sleeping…



i got a fuck ton of tumbled gemstones and crystals for making jewelry or somesuch.. SO MANY SO PRETTY OMG OMG OMG



we are grilling soon and i am excited about the beach and the pool.

im gonna look through the photos ive taken soon and try to delete the bad ones cause theyre just taking up space lol

Dad grilled me chicken breast that i cut up and put in beef ramen with mushrooms and onions and garlic salt.. yeahhh… weird combos but it was so good. I love adding random shit to cheap pasta shit.

Mom and Dad went to the bar and they said it was really boring, nobody was there.

WE WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH SOONER…. but it was storming and we didnt know how long it would last or anything… cause no internet hardly.. but we find wifi and check and decided to go for it… just before the sun is setting… and its storming just right… there was a rainbow.. so pretty. we could see both ends off it where it touched ground… no trees in the way… i couldnt get the whole thing in a photo because it was so big.. but i got a lot of photos of most of it.. and THEN ANOTHER RAINBOW STARTED FORMING NEXT TO IT… which was hilarious because lol double rainbow.


so we took Herc to the beach and he loved walking in the sandddd he wanted to run and run and run….
but when we got close to where the ocean was meeting the sand he was all scared and the ocean was so loud he was afraid of it… it was so cute!!

after that we took Herc back to the Beach House… and we ran over to the pool for a little bit.
The pool closes at 9pm… and we got there around 7:30??? it was getting dark really fast and we didnt have much time but it was good enough…. we realize that we really want a pool. like bad. and… we wish we couldve stayed longer but even if the pool stayed open later there wasnt any lights out there… which is kind of fucking stupid. like not a single fucking light anywhere near the pool. or in the wall of the pool like they have sometimes.. nothing…

there was no one there at all so when we got out i kind of stripped down butt naked right there to get out of wet swimming stuff (didnt wanna get the car seats wet… the pool was a little ways away… and stan didnt need to walk anymore than he had to… and it was almost too far for me to walk too… but i could have i think)

after we were done swimming we went back to the beach house and chilled out.. my parents came back from watching the game at the bar and we all tried to stay awake to play cards or dice but we were too tired.. so we all went to bed.



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Sunday Sept 14, 2014



Mom and dad are the kind of people who want to get up and leave really early when they are leaving for home from vacation.. mostly because dad usually has to go back to work the next day and he gets up at like… 4am????
so we were up at 7am and packing and getting ready to go

(funny side story--- dad broke one of my glass mirrors i take with me to do make up away from bathroom mirror when i cant do it cause stan is using it... and i freaked out cause OMG BAD LUCK.... DO NOT NEED ANYMORE... and dad was all "well, im the one who broke it so itll be my bad luck" and he left it in the bin in stans car... but WHILE HE WASNT LOOKING IT PUT THE BROKEN MIRROR IN HIS BACKSEAT and he got home he saw it and started laughing and had to explain to mom that he broke it and i was giving him the bad luck and lolololol its almost like one of those creepy things where the mirror is haunting you and wont go away lmao lmao so hilarious)
I feel bad though!!!! because dad doesnt need anymore bad luck either! but we dont either! ahhh!!! smdh for the bad luck vibes

… it took longer than they hoped but it also gave time for stores to open so we could go back and get more CRYSTALSSSSSSSS WOOOHOOOO  THANK YOU STAN I LOVE YOU--- YOU MAKE ME THE HAPPYS AND I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU I AM SO BLESSED AND GRATEFUL OMGGG


thennnn we went to LONG JOHN SILVERS BECAUSE I NEED FISH AND THERE IS NOWHERE TO GET IT HERE

uh.. anyways

i ate a ton of fish and shrimp and i passed the fuck out for a long time on the way back
i tried to stay awake but was all loopy and nonsensical

we got home and i was so scared about leaving Miss Lilly here all this time.. but when we got here she was sitting all pretty in the window... like she was waiting for us to get there... like she knew we were just around the corner on the way.

she let me hold her and pet her a lot more than normal... she missed us a lot... i am so happy she is ok.. i had a really horrible feeling that something would happen to her while we were gone because we have had so much bad luck recently....


anddddd last night i put a lot of stuff away.. but eventually went into bed room and i thought i was gonna finish this entry for yall last night but nayyy.

so here it is on monday morning.

i have so much cleaning to doooo omggggg


was a nice trip


much good bonding with parents

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vacation was awesome

I had so much fun on vacation. and on the way back i ate something that made me sick as hell. i am not over it yet-- food poisoning i guess...