Monday, July 16, 2018

Tuesday Morning ( like.. 2am morning)

SOO hi
yesterday was ok. save for some bad luck on Stan's end. (will explain later)

I got up at 5 am and got a shower and left around 6:30 am for Walmart. I forgot my makeup bag and stand was my hero and brought it with him when he came to pick me up at walmart. We left my car there like we always do, and went to birmingham.

I made stan go in with me on my psychiatrist appointment, to reinforce my side effects from Rexulti and why we stopped it without telling him. And he was ok with our deccision on that, and marked me as allergic to that medication. The doctor has decided to just leave off my fourth medication for now, and let me see how I handle things. Since I seem to be having complications with everything he's given me, and the weight gain I've experienced is surreal.
I did, by the way, get some praise from both my Psychiatrist and Psychologist on my socializing at home more. I have been spending a lot of time in the livingroom interacting with my family, rather than hiding in the bedroom all day. And it really is a big step for me. Though I'm still not leaving the house hardly at all. like. AT ALL.
But hopefully I will keep progressing.

After the appointment we went to IHOP like we traditionally do and I had the best omelette ever (my stomach was being weird, well no my stomach my esophagus. so it was hard to enjoy it but it was the best, really)
on the way back Stan started to feel feverish which is bad because I've been sneezing and headache and coughing and feeling under the weather myself. AND Stan can't get sick because of work, so I feel bad if he caught whatever I have.

He dropped me off at walmart at my car, I bought two things, and went home.

And once he got to work, he found out he had to stay extra late because Trump went all weird and lovey dovey with Putin.

When I got home myself My dad was just finishing up the cabinet he was working on (i even held the back on a little while he staple gunned the back on well they're nails but look like staples? IDK)
so that project is finished. But his truck had broken down earlier that day-- so he immediately had another thing to work on. But its ok, he seems to have fixed it and made double sure it doesn't happen again anytime soon (a hose leak)


And anyway, I went to sleep around a normal time. but i woke up at 1am so I am in the livingroom so I dont keep stan awake with my nonse noise and moving around all night.

And that was monday.








Sunday, July 15, 2018

random photo post

halfway done with my book for therapy! 

look at my baby girl! she's a princess (and she sheds reallllllllly bad)

this is my dad's current woodshop project~!

Friday, July 13, 2018

I apologize for my last update

I was in a really bad mood and should have put of updating until now/


I'm on chapter nine of my book for my psychologist. but it has 23 chapters. HOWEVER the chapters are really short and easy to handle because of the way its written so i think i might actually finish most of it by monday at 9am (IF I READ INT HE CAR ON THE WAY HAHA)

that being said, i haven't played video games AT ALL today
which is kind of... i dunno. weird?

i did the dishes today and hurt my back some more so i haven't done anything but lay here and read since then, though i do have to say that because i took super strong ibuprofen my back DID hurt less what I did stuff. I just dont want to have to take it every day. my blood is already thinned out by my psych meds, and it takes a while for me to stop bleeding

we are having pizza tonight and i have asked for something that has no tomato sauce stuff because i have constant heartburn pretty much and that makes it SO MUCH WORSE
you know, despite being delicious i just... i can't eat it hardly at all

I hope it rains
but not a ton

ANYWAY
I'm gonna play games or read until Stan gets home

😎

I guess I will update

since everybody keeps checking my blog for updates *rolls eyes*

I just got my book for therapy yesterday and I have to try and read the whole thing before Monday and I just know I Can't do it.
but I will try

and plus if I speed read it I wont remember or get anything out of it. Which is counter productive

I'm going through caffeine withdrawal right now

uh

lets see

we can't get a gym membership because its too expensive so i'm going to be a fucking fat ass piece of shit for the rest of my life

lets see whatelse
nope that's about it

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

well, the search for new medicine is on

the newest medicine they put me on is NOT FOR ME.

the side effects include:
rexulti side effects include, heart burn, headache, indigestion, stomach discomfort/nausea/pain, muscle aches, sleepiness and restlessness


so that is why I have felt like absolute CRAP lately. I have had EVERY ONE OF THESE SYMPTOMS.
Including my random vomiting from indigestion. It's been so bad that we have joked about taking out stock in Pepto. because I go through a few bottles a week (or I was)

so I have quit taking the new medicine but I haven't told my Psychiatrist yet. I think I will call him today, but that means he will want to see me ASAP and I am NOT going to go in despite what they want because I have an appointment on the 16th (with both doctors)

There's a book my Psychologist wants me to read and we ordered it on Amazon and I hope it gets here on friday like Stan said it would because I need to start reading it before my next appointment. and there isn't much time for me to do that. lol
he said the first few chapter will probably sound like gibberish to me but he doesn't know how intelligent I really am. or maybe he does, and maybe it really will sounds like gibberish to me.

I've been spending a lot of time in the living room which is kind of weird but its better than me hiding in my room all day.
I've been journaling a lot and I feel like that's been good for me. I got a new pen that looking like a kitty so that makes it even more fun.

i'm gonna stop writing now.

Tab

Saturday, July 7, 2018

it's been nice the past day or two

My mom and dad went out of town for the past two days to celebrate my dad's birthday.

i've been able to sit in the livingroom and watch whatever I want on tv which was great until I accidentally messed up the TV set up in here and can't get to the direct tv now app lol

a REALLY REALLY bad storm his tuscaloosa yesterday lots of flooding and trees down
it missed us at the house but cause the University of Alabama a lot of trouble.

mom and dad are coming home today and we MIGHT go out to eat but i dunno. i'm feelng really depressed and i have no desire to get ready and leave the house.


i have gained so much weight i dread showering or getting dressed. i dread any and all social situations.
 i just dont want anybody to see me the way i look now.

i feel like i might relapse on my eating disorder which is going to just make my life even more complicated. my psychologist is already overwhelmed with my other problems. i dont know what he will do if this happens on top of that. i know there's an eating disorder specialist at the OTHER clinic this company runs but i cant go there AND here. and id ont know if i can switch over without starting all over again with a psychiatrist.

I guess i will just have to wait and see what happens


I am gonna stop trying to explain myself now. it doesnt matter.

i'm watching some old school tv show on antenna its so funny haha


Wednesday, July 4, 2018

happy 4th of july

not much to say today

i need to wash some clothes
and lay off the coffee

i have recently come to terms that i am lactose intolerant

i also cannot eat anything with tomato sauce because it hurts me

so my diet is going to be changing to reflect these needs to keep me from feeling nauseated and sick all the time

my chromebook crashes everytime i load the facebook home page on the computer that I use (chromebook)

so i will not be going on there on here. just my phone. which is no fun because i cannot time worth a flying poop on my phone.

trying to switch to vaping instead of smoking is HARD YALL

i've been writing in my journal a lot lately. just a lot of things on my mind

i'm cramping a lot this week because of lady problems



stan and i are TRYING to come to an agreement on our vacation for this fall and not agreeing on anything and its making me sad and upset but there has to be a way that we can do this somehow.
I just dont wanna go on vacation the last week of august because last year that was the week nana went downhill and died.
and yes i am still in the anger part of mourning. haven't gotten to acceptance yet.

i need more lollipop but i dont wanna drive anywhere because the tire on my car is not right. i dunno what is wrong with it... it feels like theres a knot on the tire. but i am unedumacated in these things so i dunno what it is.

mom is going to fayette for avon and to see pawpaw. he fell down yesterday and we think he might be hurt and just not telling anybody.

i am gonna try to be happy today but i dont know if i can manage it.
but i will try


Tuesday Morning ( like.. 2am morning)

SOO hi yesterday was ok. save for some bad luck on Stan's end. (will explain later) I got up at 5 am and got a shower and left around...